LATE NIGHT RANTS....2:40AM

i cant sleep. so in this attempt im trying to think and write of the most delirious stuff just off the top of my head, imma just keep writing and flowing. so it might not make sense or it might. who knows.
here we go:

im generally a friendly person, but i really dont like when people prejudge who i am. by lookin at me. fuckin talk to me first, i had this incident, which i could totally be taking out of context, but at a club event, i was simply waitin for my friends who are gogo dancers to get dressed. saw them in the room ALL FULLY DRESSED. so i stuck my head in the room and said a kinda "lets fuckin make like a tree and get the fuck outta here" another gogo, who shall remain nameless comes up behind me and repeats in a ticked off tone or like an irritated tone "Really...really? come on now really?"...no i dunno what the fuck was going on but imma take that as disrespect. FUCK HER. she dont kno me, plus everyone in that room was a friend of mine. SO FUCK YOU...even tho shes was damn hot and her body was bangin 9 ways from sunday. FUCK YOU. but then again she coulda been talkin bout something else.

i guess i have the issue about assuming things to be incorrect. sometimes im right some times im wrong, but i tend to go with my gut....id say ive had a 69%-tile of assuming the correct thing. but who cares right?

i cleaned my room today...moved my bed closer to the wall to give me that extra Ft of space between the dresser and my bed. in conclusion i need a BIGGER ROOM.....or buy a house.
being that it is 2:48 in the am. im deciding NOT to go to work in like 3 hours. it was werid, i was awake all day even slept in a lil bit and i around 8pm i was fallin asleep like in the fuckin middle of Monday Night Football. soo disappointed in myself.

my 26th birthday is fast approaching, i thought about this alot. like am i where i want to be at 25, was this what i seen my life to be at 25. NO...honestly i didnt kno what the hell a 25 year old was doing when i was like 6. cuz, i didnt kno any. i was too busy wakin up to watch Nicklelodeon in the morning. 26, i think is an age where you cant really consider yourself young anymore, but i can really call myself old either. the young people call me old, the older people call me young. 25 that was the prime, so what happens now, does my life just go down hill from here? 4 more years to 30 and what do i have to show for myself. so i better fuckin finish radiology school or get a big break as some all star international Kareoke singer....oops i mean DJ.

DJING....how far is this really gonna take me. am i just being discouraged because i work with retards, obviously you kno which ones im talkin about. some days i wish i just never started the group and just did my own thing by myself. but i sleep in the bed that i made.

personal life. you all obviously kno that im in like with someone at the moment. when i first met her, i really believed "that she was waaay too hot and just dont even try" but with all the fucked up shit thats been happening to me and people i know, whats it to give it a try. i wanna say i fell in love with her at first site, but i didnt. i thought she was pretty and all that. but i think it took a while and it took me to get to know her more for me to absolutely fall in love with her. she is gorgeous already, but just getting to kno her made her more beautiful 10 fold. she doesnt know i like her, or maybe she does (there i go assuming again). but i havent had enuff never to tell her whats up. honestly when it first started i just hoped that i liked her, but as time passed ive learned that i love her. and the fact of that matter is the longer i wait the harder im going to fall. see my predicament?!?! but thats the least of my worries. i want to tell her as sort of a stress release. but im still scarred of her reaction and the fallout of whats to come. the holidays are coming up and i really want to be some what happy this year. i try to build up the holidays as some happy family time fun faire. but in actually im totally depressed during the holidays. for one fact that im no longer a child, so presents are scarace. EVEN WITH THE BIRTHDAY in DEC. but ive learned to accept that fact. second, my family has lost quite a few memebers to death and the holidays really arent that chipper like they once were. its horrible to think like that but its true. and figuring that i havent had a gf in YEARS....the holidays are just extra lonely for me. i wish i had someone to shower gifts on christmas morning or to go to her family's house on thanksgiving, or even someone to kiss at new years. but back to the point at hand, i have been giving this thought, like if i really like her or if she is just conveinence. i kno the holidays are coming up and it would be nice. BUT i started liking her a while back. now is she some kinda replacement for a former love. NO. not really because my "former" love and are just fine and im not really hardcore into her ne more. Now am i just used to her? i dunno. i really cant answer that. i want to say no. but what would entitle me to say that i was used to her. i do miss her when i dont see her and i miss her when we dont talk. is that reason enuff? now i gotta admitt im not the shake-clamy-lil-wet-behind-the-ears guy i was in high school and maybe some parts of college. this is a new me. ive seen ive dated and i kno what i want. and to question how i feel about someone now, just makes it more serious. if i question myself, that just means that im willing and ready and that she exhibits everything that i want and need in a woman. and hopefully i am everything she needs in a man. kinda complicated, but in my mind is works out right 100%. ive given it plenty of thought, its more than a crush. now only if i can bring my pussy self to tell her. help anyone please!

ok...im a lil bit sleepy now....thanks for listening