its 3 am and i just got home from icon. i had a horrilbe night...without gettin too much into detail, i wanted punch this bitch who was bothering me in the DJ booth, i dont hit ladies but i'll shake a bitch. 2nd another actualization of mines came tru, remember that winning record that i spoke about...(2-0) yea well chalk up another win for my intuition n horrilbe fortune. (3-0) thats right, life 3, CMC 0. and i guess i have no one to blame but myself, for feeding into peoples blind faith in my own life. i remember talkin to someone that i didnt want to get "in too deep" so to speak. well i allowed that to happen, my weak self, i thought i was heading somewhere, when i was staying in the same spot. i didnt speak, i didnt say anything its all my fault. and you know what it hurts more that way. i guess my mom was right, i wasnt meant for great or good things.
as i write this, i seriously contempated about quitting. quitting djing. the one thing that i told people can make me happy when im at my worst. but when that doesnt even work, what the hell am i suppose to do. im not quitting cuz im gettin old, im not quitting cuz im untalented it, but because it reminds me everything. and i know i'll see people that will keep reminding me of my failure, over and over again. i said im thinking bout it.
in my current situation, i already have a feeling what people are gonna say..."be happy for that person", "christian you are so selfish". but all that recycles in my head is that when will other people be happy with me or for me myself. when can i be selfish, when i try to be so self-less....and i just get stepped on. lied to. i never really was ever a dick, a douchebag, a liar, a cheater....i never was any of those, but i was and am not perfect, mistakes are made. but in general i am a good guy/person. i may slip up here and there but im a good person.
why am i takin it this hard? ive been thru this before....heartbreakingly too many times.
and why do i even keep trying....
and you know what, i know i havent been favorable with some certain people, if youre gonna talk shit, just do it to my face, i honestly dont care what you have to say to me. its like nothing matters to me now, bring your worst. we may have had our squabbles, but if u feel the need to, go ahead kick me when im already down, hey maybe i deserve it.
and to the other people who just laugh behind my back, keep secrets and really just think im some kind of joke, have your laugh. and i hope youre happy with it. its cool i was never wanted in the status that i am now. i worked hard to get where im at, but if im just some kinda joke to you. so be it, i never thought you guys were my peers anyway, if i quit or not i'll always know in my heart that i was ALWAYS better than you, douchebag.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Monday, November 2, 2009
Christmas/Bday Wish List
its about that time...the weather is getting a Lil colder (no its not) leaves are turning golden, the air fills with the smell of burning wood in chimneys, the stores have all laid out their holiday decor. bust out your coats, scarves and mittens!
along with this time i like to reflect on my year and my upcoming birthday. as i get older, i dont expect to get anything, for christmas and my birthday. lately i've only been asking that my friends all get together and enjoy each others company. that has been pretty much on point. nothing has changed from last year. i still want the same thing, just all my friends to gather and chill. this is prolly gonna be a little bit harder than any other year. first off, two close friends of mine live far, sheena is in florida and vince is in texas. vince said he'll be back, but sheena said its pretty certain she wont be here for the holidays. second off, i've lost a few friends here and there, and before i turn this into some angry blog, i just wanna say that thats their choice, leave it at that. and because of these small issues, im prolly not the most favorable person right, this also created a rift in the fellowship. i tend to like to set ultimatums, but people WHO really know me n understand me, will be there for me. plus i know everyone is broke n shit...so i dont expect people to shell out to do anything that involves money.
but like i said a kick it would be great.
ultimately, i'd like to just be happy during my birthday. lately i havent been myself, i wake up put the smile on and try to get thru my days. something has changed in my life and i guess im not takin it as strong as i'd like too. and its hittin me really hard. soo here it is, my christmas/birthday wish, which no one can buy me or get me...i just want to be happy. take it how u want...
along with this time i like to reflect on my year and my upcoming birthday. as i get older, i dont expect to get anything, for christmas and my birthday. lately i've only been asking that my friends all get together and enjoy each others company. that has been pretty much on point. nothing has changed from last year. i still want the same thing, just all my friends to gather and chill. this is prolly gonna be a little bit harder than any other year. first off, two close friends of mine live far, sheena is in florida and vince is in texas. vince said he'll be back, but sheena said its pretty certain she wont be here for the holidays. second off, i've lost a few friends here and there, and before i turn this into some angry blog, i just wanna say that thats their choice, leave it at that. and because of these small issues, im prolly not the most favorable person right, this also created a rift in the fellowship. i tend to like to set ultimatums, but people WHO really know me n understand me, will be there for me. plus i know everyone is broke n shit...so i dont expect people to shell out to do anything that involves money.
but like i said a kick it would be great.
ultimately, i'd like to just be happy during my birthday. lately i havent been myself, i wake up put the smile on and try to get thru my days. something has changed in my life and i guess im not takin it as strong as i'd like too. and its hittin me really hard. soo here it is, my christmas/birthday wish, which no one can buy me or get me...i just want to be happy. take it how u want...
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
time to just let it all out!
this i indirectly related to ALOT of people, so if u feel like im calling you out, im prolly indirectly am. so forewarning, stop reading if u feel the need to retaliate...cuz i just wanted this to be the tell all end all of everything, if you come at me...beleive that i will tear you down soo hard verbally, that you will not want to be seen in public.
my dislikes:
hypocrites, so you say that you hate fake friends, but werent you the one who made friends with someone just so that you can spy on a certain someone. basically you were a fake friend to that person. or try to get in with my family just so you get info from my family. but hello, its my family and they see thru ur bullshit too. shady if you tell me, but what does my opinion count right? you are so self-righteous, you got this right? oh and how you told someone a story about urself, then u switch it up to save-face with another set of people.
regurgitated information....i love how youre just saying what ive always been sayin n u try to turn it on into your words. check with anyone of my friends, they know how i talk. and lets speak about friends again. you think some of these people are ur friends....but when they are laughing litteraly in ur face. not with you but at you, why cuz you DONT know everything. u claimed that you know who i am cuz i shared a few stories, but yet you even twisted those stories up. well you dont know shit about me. and im not gonna be like you and say..."oh i was this person i was that person...blah blah blah" live in the now...be the person who u are now. stop dwelling in the past and stop glorifying your struggle. whoopty fuckin doo, you lived a tough life. but honestly ive lived a tougher life than you, and i got a few years on you. but im not the type to talk about how hard it was, cuz everyones struggles are different and if u cant learn from it your bascially stuck.
and if you are too stoopid to notice that friends were simply concerned, then you deserve all that struggle that you GLORIFY soo much. me ive been thru that hustle and ive lived that life, ive moved on, im a grown-up.
im not perfect, not saying that i am, but what i am perfect in is my ability to learn from my mistakes/struggles.
another thing, my friends n family dont need to lie to me.
soo, post ur millions of meaningless posts. you're sub par ramblings, your hypocritical answers, your plagiarized responses. I'm done with it. i was just angry that you would talk down about my friends and family. this is it, this is all im saying, im not saying anything more. end of story
my dislikes:
hypocrites, so you say that you hate fake friends, but werent you the one who made friends with someone just so that you can spy on a certain someone. basically you were a fake friend to that person. or try to get in with my family just so you get info from my family. but hello, its my family and they see thru ur bullshit too. shady if you tell me, but what does my opinion count right? you are so self-righteous, you got this right? oh and how you told someone a story about urself, then u switch it up to save-face with another set of people.
regurgitated information....i love how youre just saying what ive always been sayin n u try to turn it on into your words. check with anyone of my friends, they know how i talk. and lets speak about friends again. you think some of these people are ur friends....but when they are laughing litteraly in ur face. not with you but at you, why cuz you DONT know everything. u claimed that you know who i am cuz i shared a few stories, but yet you even twisted those stories up. well you dont know shit about me. and im not gonna be like you and say..."oh i was this person i was that person...blah blah blah" live in the now...be the person who u are now. stop dwelling in the past and stop glorifying your struggle. whoopty fuckin doo, you lived a tough life. but honestly ive lived a tougher life than you, and i got a few years on you. but im not the type to talk about how hard it was, cuz everyones struggles are different and if u cant learn from it your bascially stuck.
and if you are too stoopid to notice that friends were simply concerned, then you deserve all that struggle that you GLORIFY soo much. me ive been thru that hustle and ive lived that life, ive moved on, im a grown-up.
im not perfect, not saying that i am, but what i am perfect in is my ability to learn from my mistakes/struggles.
another thing, my friends n family dont need to lie to me.
soo, post ur millions of meaningless posts. you're sub par ramblings, your hypocritical answers, your plagiarized responses. I'm done with it. i was just angry that you would talk down about my friends and family. this is it, this is all im saying, im not saying anything more. end of story
Friday, October 23, 2009
uncomfortably numb....
this whole day, ive been uneasy and honestly i dont know what im uneasy about. my night was great last night, i slept early all that. but and overwhelming blanket of dread took over, beens like this since the AM. i know its a collection of things, just not shure what those all are, it would help if i can decipher it, analyze it, nip it in the bud. i have a hunch, but i really want my hunches to be wrong(i have a 3-0 winning record, where i dont want to win again)
well up until bout right now, 5 mins ago i was extreamly sad...NOW, im mad.
see i dont understand people these days, this convo is a throwback to "never bite the hand that feeds you"
people are trying to help, you never have to do whatever they say, but if they care about you, they are just giving u the best possible way to fix something. but if u are TOO STOOPID to listen, soo be it. and remember you arent the only person in teh situation, believe it or not, you are affecting hella peoples lives! soo think about that shit! but i dont understand this glorification of struggle n low level to hi level promotion. fuck, if its there for you TAKE IT. dont lower yourself, to make ur story sound pityful n full of struggle. ive been thru that and personally i wouldnt want to look back. ive been in that struggle and been thru SHIT you dont even know about ME youngster! and honestly i dont believe a single word u say...why? cuz i DONT FUCKIN STUTTA WHEN I TALK AFTER I GET CAUGHT IN A LIE. and you know what, this whole issue doesnt envolve me, but you know what, fuck with my friends/fam IM ALL IN YOUR FACE...yea and SINCE YOU DONT FUCKIN KNOW ME...you'll learn the real me...soo shut the fuck up n get the fuck outta here!
well up until bout right now, 5 mins ago i was extreamly sad...NOW, im mad.
see i dont understand people these days, this convo is a throwback to "never bite the hand that feeds you"
people are trying to help, you never have to do whatever they say, but if they care about you, they are just giving u the best possible way to fix something. but if u are TOO STOOPID to listen, soo be it. and remember you arent the only person in teh situation, believe it or not, you are affecting hella peoples lives! soo think about that shit! but i dont understand this glorification of struggle n low level to hi level promotion. fuck, if its there for you TAKE IT. dont lower yourself, to make ur story sound pityful n full of struggle. ive been thru that and personally i wouldnt want to look back. ive been in that struggle and been thru SHIT you dont even know about ME youngster! and honestly i dont believe a single word u say...why? cuz i DONT FUCKIN STUTTA WHEN I TALK AFTER I GET CAUGHT IN A LIE. and you know what, this whole issue doesnt envolve me, but you know what, fuck with my friends/fam IM ALL IN YOUR FACE...yea and SINCE YOU DONT FUCKIN KNOW ME...you'll learn the real me...soo shut the fuck up n get the fuck outta here!
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
WAKIN UP IN VEGAS!
in lue of my vacation in vegas coming up...ive decided to do the unthinkable....
you know the rule of "whatever happens in vegas, stays in vegas" well imma break that rule just a lil bit. im not gonna mention any names, where i can get introuble...but i'll share some of my stories of "wakin up in vegas":
-my first trip there, we stayed at my aunts house, she wasnt there we were just lookin for a place to crash. the last night there we got so drunk, went into the wrong house, but oddly the key opened the neighbors door, walked all the way to the bedroom untill i heard someone say..."whos there" we jetted after that.
-one new year, i traveled down to vegas with dwight, which took like 10 hours. finally got there, dressed up, went out to find that all the clubs were sold out...partied on the strip, our friends show up right before midnight, their cells didnt work, they called us from a pay phone which happened to be right accross the street from us, drank with some strangers on the strip, threw up on the bridge at NYNY...Robby pisses in the hallway, Janine n Robby go drinkin, robby throws a quater at the bartender, gets kicked out...Chris falls alseep next to the door, janine throws up all morning! LOL (thats in a nutshell)
-again in a nutshell: guys trip to vegas, i started drinkin at the airport, almost didnt get on the plane cuz i was soo drunk, lookin hella ragged n non douchebaggy, we jumped the line at Tryst thanks to a friend of mine. dont get home till 5am, sleep at 7, wake up at 10, drink a 24 pack of beer n a bottle of jack, fight a hive of bees/hornets...head back to the strip, walk the whole damn strip for a gawdamn alcohol stick you can BUY anywhere!! went to see Lupe Fiasco (dope concert) amost fought like 3 times, went to Scores...dropped hella cash, got a stripper number, smoked out, lost a memeber of our crew, found him the next day in front of our friends hotel room door....ahhh good times! LOL (gambling inbetween everything)
-trip 2 a month later: Miss America weekend, chicks from various states in ball gowns everywhere. Suite @ the Venitian, first night, kings cup....hotel is trashed! bottle of jack gone, bottle of malibu gone, 2 packs of beer gone. more friends arrive in the morning...10am me n crystal gather up left over beers, mix them n shot gun...10:05 am-im throwin up in the bathroom. head to Tao proceed to get wasted! got back to the suite sleep, next day proceed to molest wax figures at Madame Tussuo's. gamble, one last game of KINGS CUP...i kill two lava sticks of alcohol. soo drunk!
-first paquiao fight: free hot breakfast, free alcohol, FREE SAKE TASTING, DJ'd @ VBar, party @ PriVe...BOTTLE SERVICE PIMPIN! parties with a million n one filipinos and half the bay was in the area!! ULTIMATE! ULTIMATE NETWORKING TRIP...wasted twice...same day...flight @ 8am, which was DELAYED anyway!
sooo just a short quip of my vegas trips, alot more details, but soo much fun, im going 2 weekends in a row. lets see how this goes?!?
BOTTLES UP....CHEERS TO YOU ALL!
you know the rule of "whatever happens in vegas, stays in vegas" well imma break that rule just a lil bit. im not gonna mention any names, where i can get introuble...but i'll share some of my stories of "wakin up in vegas":
-my first trip there, we stayed at my aunts house, she wasnt there we were just lookin for a place to crash. the last night there we got so drunk, went into the wrong house, but oddly the key opened the neighbors door, walked all the way to the bedroom untill i heard someone say..."whos there" we jetted after that.
-one new year, i traveled down to vegas with dwight, which took like 10 hours. finally got there, dressed up, went out to find that all the clubs were sold out...partied on the strip, our friends show up right before midnight, their cells didnt work, they called us from a pay phone which happened to be right accross the street from us, drank with some strangers on the strip, threw up on the bridge at NYNY...Robby pisses in the hallway, Janine n Robby go drinkin, robby throws a quater at the bartender, gets kicked out...Chris falls alseep next to the door, janine throws up all morning! LOL (thats in a nutshell)
-again in a nutshell: guys trip to vegas, i started drinkin at the airport, almost didnt get on the plane cuz i was soo drunk, lookin hella ragged n non douchebaggy, we jumped the line at Tryst thanks to a friend of mine. dont get home till 5am, sleep at 7, wake up at 10, drink a 24 pack of beer n a bottle of jack, fight a hive of bees/hornets...head back to the strip, walk the whole damn strip for a gawdamn alcohol stick you can BUY anywhere!! went to see Lupe Fiasco (dope concert) amost fought like 3 times, went to Scores...dropped hella cash, got a stripper number, smoked out, lost a memeber of our crew, found him the next day in front of our friends hotel room door....ahhh good times! LOL (gambling inbetween everything)
-trip 2 a month later: Miss America weekend, chicks from various states in ball gowns everywhere. Suite @ the Venitian, first night, kings cup....hotel is trashed! bottle of jack gone, bottle of malibu gone, 2 packs of beer gone. more friends arrive in the morning...10am me n crystal gather up left over beers, mix them n shot gun...10:05 am-im throwin up in the bathroom. head to Tao proceed to get wasted! got back to the suite sleep, next day proceed to molest wax figures at Madame Tussuo's. gamble, one last game of KINGS CUP...i kill two lava sticks of alcohol. soo drunk!
-first paquiao fight: free hot breakfast, free alcohol, FREE SAKE TASTING, DJ'd @ VBar, party @ PriVe...BOTTLE SERVICE PIMPIN! parties with a million n one filipinos and half the bay was in the area!! ULTIMATE! ULTIMATE NETWORKING TRIP...wasted twice...same day...flight @ 8am, which was DELAYED anyway!
sooo just a short quip of my vegas trips, alot more details, but soo much fun, im going 2 weekends in a row. lets see how this goes?!?
BOTTLES UP....CHEERS TO YOU ALL!
Friday, October 16, 2009
its gettin to the point....
often times, we all get to our breakin point. where u just cant take the situation your in and desperate times call for desperate measures. i always wished that when these situations arose in my life that i would come into it with a clear n concise rational. but i cant, im a thinker...a deep one too. i analyze ever possible angle of the situation no matter how obserd it may sound. why? cuz in reality the impossible can happen...i kno you ask yourself "have you ever thought just maybe?" yes yes i have...many times over.
like i said i never wanted to enter this n end it with me making a desperate attempt at something. thats not me. i always wanted it to just "happen" at times i think it is but then i over think n think nothing is happening.
in love in relationships theres a very thin line, timing must be right, attraction must be on point, all the stars have to align.....but then again...it doesnt.
i dont know what point im trying to get accross in this blog, but...i dont want to become the desperate person. i need to make a move n make one fast...
ps-have i ever mentioned that i hate douchebags? well yea i do fuck you!
like i said i never wanted to enter this n end it with me making a desperate attempt at something. thats not me. i always wanted it to just "happen" at times i think it is but then i over think n think nothing is happening.
in love in relationships theres a very thin line, timing must be right, attraction must be on point, all the stars have to align.....but then again...it doesnt.
i dont know what point im trying to get accross in this blog, but...i dont want to become the desperate person. i need to make a move n make one fast...
ps-have i ever mentioned that i hate douchebags? well yea i do fuck you!
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Tonight
Am I on your mind tonight
do you kno how much i miss you
do the walls close in, tonight
do you wish that i was with you
do you look at pictures of you and i and wish those times are now,
if you find a way to make the tears pass by more quickly, tell me how
is it me or is the night a little longer when your gone
there couldnt be a road more lonely, than the one im on
so excuse while i take this time to watch the moon go down,
i guess without you here something isnt right, ooh tonight.
i am i in your dreams tonight
do we walk along the shoreline
do you see my face tonight
do you hold your hand beside mine
do you reach for me soo far you wake yourself the way i do
and when i wonder where you are, are your wondering about me too
is it me or is the night a little longer when your gone
there couldnt be a road more lonely, than the one im on
so excuse while i take this time to watch the moon go down,
i guess without you here something isnt right, ooh tonight.
i guess i never noticed just how much those little things
that i miss about you now, are gonna mean to me
theres nothing that i couldnt bare
to what id give to see you again
to listen to hear you say youre comin home
is it me or is the night a little longer when your gone
there couldnt be a road more lonely, than the one im on
so excuse while i take this time to watch the moon go down,
i guess without you here something isnt right, ooh tonight.
do you kno how much i miss you
do the walls close in, tonight
do you wish that i was with you
do you look at pictures of you and i and wish those times are now,
if you find a way to make the tears pass by more quickly, tell me how
is it me or is the night a little longer when your gone
there couldnt be a road more lonely, than the one im on
so excuse while i take this time to watch the moon go down,
i guess without you here something isnt right, ooh tonight.
i am i in your dreams tonight
do we walk along the shoreline
do you see my face tonight
do you hold your hand beside mine
do you reach for me soo far you wake yourself the way i do
and when i wonder where you are, are your wondering about me too
is it me or is the night a little longer when your gone
there couldnt be a road more lonely, than the one im on
so excuse while i take this time to watch the moon go down,
i guess without you here something isnt right, ooh tonight.
i guess i never noticed just how much those little things
that i miss about you now, are gonna mean to me
theres nothing that i couldnt bare
to what id give to see you again
to listen to hear you say youre comin home
is it me or is the night a little longer when your gone
there couldnt be a road more lonely, than the one im on
so excuse while i take this time to watch the moon go down,
i guess without you here something isnt right, ooh tonight.
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