christmas is next week , ive only bought 2 presents...and still got a shit load more to get. once again i'd like to explain about my gift giving practices. i really dont expect to get anything for xmas. actually i got the best present ever for my birthday this year, all my good friends came out to celebrate my birthday last night, i had fun at that and was very happy. then again...i dont expect anything cuz usually the stuff i want has no monetary value...or has really HIGH monetary value. just hanging out with me, is gift enuff, but if u do want to get me something, get me something that i can use, like i can use some gloves cuz its cold as shit now. i also do like personalized things. in that sense, please dont feel that you are required to get me anything if i got you something. and if that present i got you was a lil expensive. its prolly cuz it was and you mean alot to me, so you deserve it! and always remember if i can afford it, i'll get it for you, so dont worry im not dippin into my "college" fund or anything, its in my budget! the best present you guys can ever get me, is just spending time with me....honestly. or even GO TO SOME OF MY GIGS!
with that said
so its come that time that i do my year in review. cant say that this year has been a learning year, but my whole life has be a learning experience. i think i just had to deal with more adult situations this year. different experiences different ways of dealing with them. thats the only way i can really put it.
some say ive been un-nessesarily stressin myself, which can be true to an extent, but as i think of it, it wouldnt be as important to me if i wasnt stressing thru it. all in all, i can SIT here and say that i made it thru and that old saying that runs thru my head repeats: "nothing in this life is that hard".
dont get me wrong this year wasnt a year for complaining and issues....ive had soo much fun and success this year.
nothing recessed. my djing gigs got better, my relationships with the right people got closer, i found out who my real friends are...
its been a great life, i really shouldnt complain. about anything, its my life and should be lived as how i want to live it, not for anyone else.
in the relationship department, i fell in love with someone. i really only wanted to see where it could go...but that developed into love. not a day goes by where i dont think bout her. im trying my best to hide it, havent told her. im guessing she has a clue cuz shes a smart girl. i enjoy my time that im with her, i try to soak up every moment. i love when i get texts or calls from her about her day. i just hope she feels the same way. but like i said im terrified to say something, just cuz shes such a good friend and i wouldnt want to lose that or mess that up. but we'll see, im aiming to say something before the end of the year. i dont want to bulid myself up on this, but its just something ive been puttin off for too long.
soo i look forward to a good year this year, look forward to gettin better gigs, traveling some more, and going to disneyworld for the first time. i like to go into each year with a positive attitude and that makes all the difference. i hope i made a lasting impact on all your lives this year, i hope i was the friend you want me to be or expected me to be. if not i'll try harder. take care, merry christmas and happy new year!
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Monday, December 15, 2008
Lonely at the top....
but its crowded at the bottom....
fuck it, if i gotta do this alone i'll fuckin do it!
grudges are overrated indeed, if you want to fucks with it...holla at me...we can fucks with it...
im moving on...with or without any of you.
everyone GROW THE FUCK UP!
one-HUNDRED
fuck it, if i gotta do this alone i'll fuckin do it!
grudges are overrated indeed, if you want to fucks with it...holla at me...we can fucks with it...
im moving on...with or without any of you.
everyone GROW THE FUCK UP!
one-HUNDRED
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
SEX, LIES, AND VIDEOTA...uh...DVDs
i will attempt to write this as professional sounding and whitty as i can be, but if i stray please excuse me.
if theres anything i hate most in life...is when people lie to me. or lying in general. as many of you close friends of mine know, id rather face the music as its playing versus hearing it after the smoke has settled. it could involve many things, business, personal, relationship. tell me up front, i would like to think that im the type of person anyone can talk to. but sometimes, not often, im told that people are afraid to tell me things or disclose info, because of my reaction. but the werid irony in all this, is often im afraid to tell disclose info often because of that reason also, not knowing the outcome. im workin on trying not to be like that, but i am always open to be told something, then i can disagree with you after. but i like dealing with things in the front and worst of all is eventually hearing the truth from someone else. it hurts even more if that person you consider a close friend, but basically my point is. i dont being lied to and i usually have a hunch about it.....
now branchin off....i dont like shit talked behind my back. AS MUCH as i hate being lied to...or even being ignored...EVERYONE has resentment for someone talkin behind your back. its a bad idea to do it with me, because i have peoples everywhere AND I WILL find out.
with that said. i do not appreciate people who are all talk. talk talk talk....in certain situations in my life ive encountered these people that society considers "flakers". when u say you kno someone or you're gonna do something...AROUND ME YOU BETTER FUCKIN DO IT. as ive repeated many times, i once had this friend, who taught me that to be more of a man of my word, rather than a man of my speak. say you gonna do something. better do it! eventually i learned that he was the biggest woofer in the world (lier). there was another werid irony with that too, someone who prolly taught me one of the best lessons in life, actually turned out to be the opposite of what he was preaching. real life example: if u say you know someone and blah blah blah they wanna give u a handjob...blah blah and ya'll are gay for each other...dont u think you get their name? especially if they are somewhat important to what you are doing. SECOND: if you say you know someone and that you guys are cool and talk all the time....why is it when your name is brought up...they have NO idea who u are....they dont even give me that fake ass "oh wait, yea i think ive heard of them" speach. when they just straight up say "who?". THAT IS NOT KNOWING SOMEONE.
i dont wanna name drop and such....but im not...but a recent outtin i had in San Jose...i was introduced as "hey (insert famous name here), this is (insert another famous name) FRIEND". and i dont care if they were lying or not....but i got that bullshit answer of "oh yea man, ive heard of you...blah blah blah". generic answer, but it wasnt even like..."who" what do u do? this person of some sort of fame, knew who i was and knew what i did.
example: when i got back into clubs. and i was spinnin at club NV....some strange lil girl came up to me @ the dj booth. "both saying, hey i know you....you're pretty good!" lets face it, i just got back into djing....so i wasnt the shit or nething. but apparently i was...."so she goes you're CMC right?" any who that girl turned out to be the Mixtress.
so in recent events in my life...and business. ive found that some people just consider this business a joke. joking around. i kno i said id keep it light. but ive seen the light, ive seen the potential. and we all gotta tighten our belts. if ya'll arent ready, you see the door. also theres alot of people here that believe that they have authority over me. i have final say in anything...and everyone DOES NOT...REPEAT DOES NOT NEED TO BE KNOWING WHAT IM DOING. so DONT BE MAD, when one of YOUR FRIENDS come to me to talk business, cuz obviously you dont got that game...like my cuz said, i appologize right now that i got sooo much game!
with that said. i also dont like when some aquaintances talk shit about my REAL friends. forreal. i resepect my true friends for having my back and respecting my decisions in the group, life whatever. i already kno who my real friends are. and who the fake ones were. so i really dont appreciate ya'll talkin shit TO my friends over some shit YOU didnt do. just talk shit about me and you'll see who has my back. which is something i cant control or hold back. cant blame my friends and family for what they wanna do to you, SO PRAY...PRAY THEY DONT FIND OUT.
uh...so pissed...i'll get over it.
if theres anything i hate most in life...is when people lie to me. or lying in general. as many of you close friends of mine know, id rather face the music as its playing versus hearing it after the smoke has settled. it could involve many things, business, personal, relationship. tell me up front, i would like to think that im the type of person anyone can talk to. but sometimes, not often, im told that people are afraid to tell me things or disclose info, because of my reaction. but the werid irony in all this, is often im afraid to tell disclose info often because of that reason also, not knowing the outcome. im workin on trying not to be like that, but i am always open to be told something, then i can disagree with you after. but i like dealing with things in the front and worst of all is eventually hearing the truth from someone else. it hurts even more if that person you consider a close friend, but basically my point is. i dont being lied to and i usually have a hunch about it.....
now branchin off....i dont like shit talked behind my back. AS MUCH as i hate being lied to...or even being ignored...EVERYONE has resentment for someone talkin behind your back. its a bad idea to do it with me, because i have peoples everywhere AND I WILL find out.
with that said. i do not appreciate people who are all talk. talk talk talk....in certain situations in my life ive encountered these people that society considers "flakers". when u say you kno someone or you're gonna do something...AROUND ME YOU BETTER FUCKIN DO IT. as ive repeated many times, i once had this friend, who taught me that to be more of a man of my word, rather than a man of my speak. say you gonna do something. better do it! eventually i learned that he was the biggest woofer in the world (lier). there was another werid irony with that too, someone who prolly taught me one of the best lessons in life, actually turned out to be the opposite of what he was preaching. real life example: if u say you know someone and blah blah blah they wanna give u a handjob...blah blah and ya'll are gay for each other...dont u think you get their name? especially if they are somewhat important to what you are doing. SECOND: if you say you know someone and that you guys are cool and talk all the time....why is it when your name is brought up...they have NO idea who u are....they dont even give me that fake ass "oh wait, yea i think ive heard of them" speach. when they just straight up say "who?". THAT IS NOT KNOWING SOMEONE.
i dont wanna name drop and such....but im not...but a recent outtin i had in San Jose...i was introduced as "hey (insert famous name here), this is (insert another famous name) FRIEND". and i dont care if they were lying or not....but i got that bullshit answer of "oh yea man, ive heard of you...blah blah blah". generic answer, but it wasnt even like..."who" what do u do? this person of some sort of fame, knew who i was and knew what i did.
example: when i got back into clubs. and i was spinnin at club NV....some strange lil girl came up to me @ the dj booth. "both saying, hey i know you....you're pretty good!" lets face it, i just got back into djing....so i wasnt the shit or nething. but apparently i was...."so she goes you're CMC right?" any who that girl turned out to be the Mixtress.
so in recent events in my life...and business. ive found that some people just consider this business a joke. joking around. i kno i said id keep it light. but ive seen the light, ive seen the potential. and we all gotta tighten our belts. if ya'll arent ready, you see the door. also theres alot of people here that believe that they have authority over me. i have final say in anything...and everyone DOES NOT...REPEAT DOES NOT NEED TO BE KNOWING WHAT IM DOING. so DONT BE MAD, when one of YOUR FRIENDS come to me to talk business, cuz obviously you dont got that game...like my cuz said, i appologize right now that i got sooo much game!
with that said. i also dont like when some aquaintances talk shit about my REAL friends. forreal. i resepect my true friends for having my back and respecting my decisions in the group, life whatever. i already kno who my real friends are. and who the fake ones were. so i really dont appreciate ya'll talkin shit TO my friends over some shit YOU didnt do. just talk shit about me and you'll see who has my back. which is something i cant control or hold back. cant blame my friends and family for what they wanna do to you, SO PRAY...PRAY THEY DONT FIND OUT.
uh...so pissed...i'll get over it.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Baby its cold outside....
so this morning i was listening to "baby its cold outside" on koit. this song sounds very much like a predator song. so if ya'll havent heard it, its a duet with a man and woman. and the guy is trying to get the girl to stay at his place a lil longer. and if u havent heard it hes laying it on thick!!! my issue is, that she says that her mother would worry. if shes an older, wouldnt her mom NOT care. so im thinkin this is a young girl and this is some creepy old doode trying to seduce her. haha none the less i like the song still.
so the holidays are in full swing. if you dont kno, i love the holidays, not cuz of the fact of all the gifts you get, (which i dont)...just reminds me of all the better times way back when CMC was just lower-case cmc. so this past black FRIEDay...i went to the mall, later in the day, to avoid the crowds. boy i was wrong. but, i shopped for myself. bought me a brand new BLACKBERRY BOLD. best fuckin choice of phone i could have gotten. shouts to Harold, for hookin it up.
lately ive been pondering this quote someone once told me "people say you cant do something are just admitting that they cant do it themselves." basically saying, peoples that say you cant be this person or you cant do that, are basically saying they themselves can acheive it, so they try to bring you down to their level in saying that. i think ive become a more positive person as ive grown. i will admit, there is some shit i still cant face. but im fight to try to do it. i try not to have "i cant" in my venacular. i was having a convo with Abi, just now, about this club 33 bizz out in disneyland. if ya'll dont kno, im fuckin a big ass fan of disneyland/disney all that. im gay for disney basically. theres this exclusive club in disneyland thats just for ballerific peoples, and i told her we're going one day. ya'll kno i aint ballerific right NOW. but one day, i'll take her there....hahaha i think she thinks i was joking. but if ya'll kno me if i say something, i USUALLY go thru with it. might not be immediately, but it will happen. its werid i learned this from a friend thats no longer my friend. he told me the one thing that he despised was people who flaked or people who talked the talk, but never walked it! i try my best to do what i say imma do. i dont kno my plan of attack at the moment, but it'll happen.
merry christian ya'll!
so the holidays are in full swing. if you dont kno, i love the holidays, not cuz of the fact of all the gifts you get, (which i dont)...just reminds me of all the better times way back when CMC was just lower-case cmc. so this past black FRIEDay...i went to the mall, later in the day, to avoid the crowds. boy i was wrong. but, i shopped for myself. bought me a brand new BLACKBERRY BOLD. best fuckin choice of phone i could have gotten. shouts to Harold, for hookin it up.
lately ive been pondering this quote someone once told me "people say you cant do something are just admitting that they cant do it themselves." basically saying, peoples that say you cant be this person or you cant do that, are basically saying they themselves can acheive it, so they try to bring you down to their level in saying that. i think ive become a more positive person as ive grown. i will admit, there is some shit i still cant face. but im fight to try to do it. i try not to have "i cant" in my venacular. i was having a convo with Abi, just now, about this club 33 bizz out in disneyland. if ya'll dont kno, im fuckin a big ass fan of disneyland/disney all that. im gay for disney basically. theres this exclusive club in disneyland thats just for ballerific peoples, and i told her we're going one day. ya'll kno i aint ballerific right NOW. but one day, i'll take her there....hahaha i think she thinks i was joking. but if ya'll kno me if i say something, i USUALLY go thru with it. might not be immediately, but it will happen. its werid i learned this from a friend thats no longer my friend. he told me the one thing that he despised was people who flaked or people who talked the talk, but never walked it! i try my best to do what i say imma do. i dont kno my plan of attack at the moment, but it'll happen.
merry christian ya'll!
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
aside from the fact...
that ur rhymes are wack...HAHAHAA!
(i used to use that line when i freestyle battled peoples)
THANKS-IS-A-GIVING!! the 2008 PRE-NYE REVIEW
this has been a great year, aside from the few lil pests and speed bumps in the way. but what i learned from those speed bumps, is that it grounds me. if i get over inflated, it takes me back down to earth to realize that i need to be a lil more humble. but over all its has been a great year, i took my group to new levels, ive gotten recognition as a DJ now...im just not some faceless name on a flyer. and it feels good....to a point. dont get me wrong im 100 % thankful for all that has happened. but honestly it feels like nuttin without someone to share it with.
as ive told many people before, who say "man i envy you" or "dude you are soo cool cuz you hang out with all these chicks" true. i love these girls, but these girls are just...my friends. i aint bangin any of them, the most action i can get from these girls is prolly a kiss...or a tity or ass grab..haha (though i face adversity, i still can laugh at myself) not to bring down the mood, but I LOVE the holidays. i love getting together with family and friends talkin bout nuttin at all. sittin next to fireplaces as christmas music plays in the backgroud, sippin hotchocolate as the lil kids play with their new toys, looking at the table fixed with the traditional Turkey and ham and even the not soo traditionan Pancit. i LOVE it I LOVE IT ALL. even if im opening one present...or 10. i dont care, the feelin of the holidays hit me hard!
all except one. this is prolly the only thing i really can complain about. i touched on it on a previous blog, the lonely factor. i ask for stuff every year, im i honestly dont expect to get any of it. which softens the blow when i actually dont get any of it. hahaha. but ive always wanted someone to share the holidays with. when i hang out with my friends and family, they all have significant others. and then theres single ass christian. they all exchange presents and i usually get something nice from my parents but they all get things they all want. dont get its twisted im not complaining that i dont get presents and shit, cuz i do. but to me giving and watching someone you love, happy absolutely happy, that they received what they wanted. none the less from you. if u recieve something from me, believe me its because i put thought into it. my gift is the reaction you get when u open something from me. i always say, cost doesnt matter to me, as long as i myself can afford it. im practical...im not gonna buy you a car unless i can afford it. get the point.
but what im really saying is that each year i ask for basically the same thing, material goods. but deep down im hoping for a girlfriend...someone i can enjoy the holidays with and practically the rest of the year. all im saying it would be nice. please excuse the gay moment: but watching this wedding video a friend sent me got me thinking, "when will i have that and be that happy?" lets face it, everyone says im young, but life doesnt work that way, you get older....i think the repeated mis-steps ive had in life with relationships is finally breaking me down. im losing hope and it is fading fast...
Thank you all for being a part(y) of my life this year. im thankful i have all of you in my life. lets look foward in having a great holiday season and a great new year approaching!
(i used to use that line when i freestyle battled peoples)
THANKS-IS-A-GIVING!! the 2008 PRE-NYE REVIEW
this has been a great year, aside from the few lil pests and speed bumps in the way. but what i learned from those speed bumps, is that it grounds me. if i get over inflated, it takes me back down to earth to realize that i need to be a lil more humble. but over all its has been a great year, i took my group to new levels, ive gotten recognition as a DJ now...im just not some faceless name on a flyer. and it feels good....to a point. dont get me wrong im 100 % thankful for all that has happened. but honestly it feels like nuttin without someone to share it with.
as ive told many people before, who say "man i envy you" or "dude you are soo cool cuz you hang out with all these chicks" true. i love these girls, but these girls are just...my friends. i aint bangin any of them, the most action i can get from these girls is prolly a kiss...or a tity or ass grab..haha (though i face adversity, i still can laugh at myself) not to bring down the mood, but I LOVE the holidays. i love getting together with family and friends talkin bout nuttin at all. sittin next to fireplaces as christmas music plays in the backgroud, sippin hotchocolate as the lil kids play with their new toys, looking at the table fixed with the traditional Turkey and ham and even the not soo traditionan Pancit. i LOVE it I LOVE IT ALL. even if im opening one present...or 10. i dont care, the feelin of the holidays hit me hard!
all except one. this is prolly the only thing i really can complain about. i touched on it on a previous blog, the lonely factor. i ask for stuff every year, im i honestly dont expect to get any of it. which softens the blow when i actually dont get any of it. hahaha. but ive always wanted someone to share the holidays with. when i hang out with my friends and family, they all have significant others. and then theres single ass christian. they all exchange presents and i usually get something nice from my parents but they all get things they all want. dont get its twisted im not complaining that i dont get presents and shit, cuz i do. but to me giving and watching someone you love, happy absolutely happy, that they received what they wanted. none the less from you. if u recieve something from me, believe me its because i put thought into it. my gift is the reaction you get when u open something from me. i always say, cost doesnt matter to me, as long as i myself can afford it. im practical...im not gonna buy you a car unless i can afford it. get the point.
but what im really saying is that each year i ask for basically the same thing, material goods. but deep down im hoping for a girlfriend...someone i can enjoy the holidays with and practically the rest of the year. all im saying it would be nice. please excuse the gay moment: but watching this wedding video a friend sent me got me thinking, "when will i have that and be that happy?" lets face it, everyone says im young, but life doesnt work that way, you get older....i think the repeated mis-steps ive had in life with relationships is finally breaking me down. im losing hope and it is fading fast...
Thank you all for being a part(y) of my life this year. im thankful i have all of you in my life. lets look foward in having a great holiday season and a great new year approaching!
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Back then.....
its werid....
back then the girls that i thought in high school who had big tits.......really didnt have BIG TITS...
and the girls i thought were sooooo HOT.....cant hold a candle to the girls i know now....
go figure....
"back then hoes didnt want me, now im hot hoes all on me!"
moral of this story....girls have big tits and look fuckin hot!
back then the girls that i thought in high school who had big tits.......really didnt have BIG TITS...
and the girls i thought were sooooo HOT.....cant hold a candle to the girls i know now....
go figure....
"back then hoes didnt want me, now im hot hoes all on me!"
moral of this story....girls have big tits and look fuckin hot!
LATE NIGHT RANTS....2:40AM
i cant sleep. so in this attempt im trying to think and write of the most delirious stuff just off the top of my head, imma just keep writing and flowing. so it might not make sense or it might. who knows.
here we go:
im generally a friendly person, but i really dont like when people prejudge who i am. by lookin at me. fuckin talk to me first, i had this incident, which i could totally be taking out of context, but at a club event, i was simply waitin for my friends who are gogo dancers to get dressed. saw them in the room ALL FULLY DRESSED. so i stuck my head in the room and said a kinda "lets fuckin make like a tree and get the fuck outta here" another gogo, who shall remain nameless comes up behind me and repeats in a ticked off tone or like an irritated tone "Really...really? come on now really?"...no i dunno what the fuck was going on but imma take that as disrespect. FUCK HER. she dont kno me, plus everyone in that room was a friend of mine. SO FUCK YOU...even tho shes was damn hot and her body was bangin 9 ways from sunday. FUCK YOU. but then again she coulda been talkin bout something else.
i guess i have the issue about assuming things to be incorrect. sometimes im right some times im wrong, but i tend to go with my gut....id say ive had a 69%-tile of assuming the correct thing. but who cares right?
i cleaned my room today...moved my bed closer to the wall to give me that extra Ft of space between the dresser and my bed. in conclusion i need a BIGGER ROOM.....or buy a house.
being that it is 2:48 in the am. im deciding NOT to go to work in like 3 hours. it was werid, i was awake all day even slept in a lil bit and i around 8pm i was fallin asleep like in the fuckin middle of Monday Night Football. soo disappointed in myself.
my 26th birthday is fast approaching, i thought about this alot. like am i where i want to be at 25, was this what i seen my life to be at 25. NO...honestly i didnt kno what the hell a 25 year old was doing when i was like 6. cuz, i didnt kno any. i was too busy wakin up to watch Nicklelodeon in the morning. 26, i think is an age where you cant really consider yourself young anymore, but i can really call myself old either. the young people call me old, the older people call me young. 25 that was the prime, so what happens now, does my life just go down hill from here? 4 more years to 30 and what do i have to show for myself. so i better fuckin finish radiology school or get a big break as some all star international Kareoke singer....oops i mean DJ.
DJING....how far is this really gonna take me. am i just being discouraged because i work with retards, obviously you kno which ones im talkin about. some days i wish i just never started the group and just did my own thing by myself. but i sleep in the bed that i made.
personal life. you all obviously kno that im in like with someone at the moment. when i first met her, i really believed "that she was waaay too hot and just dont even try" but with all the fucked up shit thats been happening to me and people i know, whats it to give it a try. i wanna say i fell in love with her at first site, but i didnt. i thought she was pretty and all that. but i think it took a while and it took me to get to know her more for me to absolutely fall in love with her. she is gorgeous already, but just getting to kno her made her more beautiful 10 fold. she doesnt know i like her, or maybe she does (there i go assuming again). but i havent had enuff never to tell her whats up. honestly when it first started i just hoped that i liked her, but as time passed ive learned that i love her. and the fact of that matter is the longer i wait the harder im going to fall. see my predicament?!?! but thats the least of my worries. i want to tell her as sort of a stress release. but im still scarred of her reaction and the fallout of whats to come. the holidays are coming up and i really want to be some what happy this year. i try to build up the holidays as some happy family time fun faire. but in actually im totally depressed during the holidays. for one fact that im no longer a child, so presents are scarace. EVEN WITH THE BIRTHDAY in DEC. but ive learned to accept that fact. second, my family has lost quite a few memebers to death and the holidays really arent that chipper like they once were. its horrible to think like that but its true. and figuring that i havent had a gf in YEARS....the holidays are just extra lonely for me. i wish i had someone to shower gifts on christmas morning or to go to her family's house on thanksgiving, or even someone to kiss at new years. but back to the point at hand, i have been giving this thought, like if i really like her or if she is just conveinence. i kno the holidays are coming up and it would be nice. BUT i started liking her a while back. now is she some kinda replacement for a former love. NO. not really because my "former" love and are just fine and im not really hardcore into her ne more. Now am i just used to her? i dunno. i really cant answer that. i want to say no. but what would entitle me to say that i was used to her. i do miss her when i dont see her and i miss her when we dont talk. is that reason enuff? now i gotta admitt im not the shake-clamy-lil-wet-behind-the-ears guy i was in high school and maybe some parts of college. this is a new me. ive seen ive dated and i kno what i want. and to question how i feel about someone now, just makes it more serious. if i question myself, that just means that im willing and ready and that she exhibits everything that i want and need in a woman. and hopefully i am everything she needs in a man. kinda complicated, but in my mind is works out right 100%. ive given it plenty of thought, its more than a crush. now only if i can bring my pussy self to tell her. help anyone please!
ok...im a lil bit sleepy now....thanks for listening
here we go:
im generally a friendly person, but i really dont like when people prejudge who i am. by lookin at me. fuckin talk to me first, i had this incident, which i could totally be taking out of context, but at a club event, i was simply waitin for my friends who are gogo dancers to get dressed. saw them in the room ALL FULLY DRESSED. so i stuck my head in the room and said a kinda "lets fuckin make like a tree and get the fuck outta here" another gogo, who shall remain nameless comes up behind me and repeats in a ticked off tone or like an irritated tone "Really...really? come on now really?"...no i dunno what the fuck was going on but imma take that as disrespect. FUCK HER. she dont kno me, plus everyone in that room was a friend of mine. SO FUCK YOU...even tho shes was damn hot and her body was bangin 9 ways from sunday. FUCK YOU. but then again she coulda been talkin bout something else.
i guess i have the issue about assuming things to be incorrect. sometimes im right some times im wrong, but i tend to go with my gut....id say ive had a 69%-tile of assuming the correct thing. but who cares right?
i cleaned my room today...moved my bed closer to the wall to give me that extra Ft of space between the dresser and my bed. in conclusion i need a BIGGER ROOM.....or buy a house.
being that it is 2:48 in the am. im deciding NOT to go to work in like 3 hours. it was werid, i was awake all day even slept in a lil bit and i around 8pm i was fallin asleep like in the fuckin middle of Monday Night Football. soo disappointed in myself.
my 26th birthday is fast approaching, i thought about this alot. like am i where i want to be at 25, was this what i seen my life to be at 25. NO...honestly i didnt kno what the hell a 25 year old was doing when i was like 6. cuz, i didnt kno any. i was too busy wakin up to watch Nicklelodeon in the morning. 26, i think is an age where you cant really consider yourself young anymore, but i can really call myself old either. the young people call me old, the older people call me young. 25 that was the prime, so what happens now, does my life just go down hill from here? 4 more years to 30 and what do i have to show for myself. so i better fuckin finish radiology school or get a big break as some all star international Kareoke singer....oops i mean DJ.
DJING....how far is this really gonna take me. am i just being discouraged because i work with retards, obviously you kno which ones im talkin about. some days i wish i just never started the group and just did my own thing by myself. but i sleep in the bed that i made.
personal life. you all obviously kno that im in like with someone at the moment. when i first met her, i really believed "that she was waaay too hot and just dont even try" but with all the fucked up shit thats been happening to me and people i know, whats it to give it a try. i wanna say i fell in love with her at first site, but i didnt. i thought she was pretty and all that. but i think it took a while and it took me to get to know her more for me to absolutely fall in love with her. she is gorgeous already, but just getting to kno her made her more beautiful 10 fold. she doesnt know i like her, or maybe she does (there i go assuming again). but i havent had enuff never to tell her whats up. honestly when it first started i just hoped that i liked her, but as time passed ive learned that i love her. and the fact of that matter is the longer i wait the harder im going to fall. see my predicament?!?! but thats the least of my worries. i want to tell her as sort of a stress release. but im still scarred of her reaction and the fallout of whats to come. the holidays are coming up and i really want to be some what happy this year. i try to build up the holidays as some happy family time fun faire. but in actually im totally depressed during the holidays. for one fact that im no longer a child, so presents are scarace. EVEN WITH THE BIRTHDAY in DEC. but ive learned to accept that fact. second, my family has lost quite a few memebers to death and the holidays really arent that chipper like they once were. its horrible to think like that but its true. and figuring that i havent had a gf in YEARS....the holidays are just extra lonely for me. i wish i had someone to shower gifts on christmas morning or to go to her family's house on thanksgiving, or even someone to kiss at new years. but back to the point at hand, i have been giving this thought, like if i really like her or if she is just conveinence. i kno the holidays are coming up and it would be nice. BUT i started liking her a while back. now is she some kinda replacement for a former love. NO. not really because my "former" love and are just fine and im not really hardcore into her ne more. Now am i just used to her? i dunno. i really cant answer that. i want to say no. but what would entitle me to say that i was used to her. i do miss her when i dont see her and i miss her when we dont talk. is that reason enuff? now i gotta admitt im not the shake-clamy-lil-wet-behind-the-ears guy i was in high school and maybe some parts of college. this is a new me. ive seen ive dated and i kno what i want. and to question how i feel about someone now, just makes it more serious. if i question myself, that just means that im willing and ready and that she exhibits everything that i want and need in a woman. and hopefully i am everything she needs in a man. kinda complicated, but in my mind is works out right 100%. ive given it plenty of thought, its more than a crush. now only if i can bring my pussy self to tell her. help anyone please!
ok...im a lil bit sleepy now....thanks for listening
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