ive erased and rewritten this blog, bout 4 times...
what i want to say about this year is that it was a blur, ive done soo many things, i really cant keep track.
id want to say my turning point of this year has to be moving out. with percise percision...the events that lead up to where i am now couldnt have been more perfect. the people in an out of my life could have only played out like acts in a play, people appear and play their part and exit...stage left.
but theres the stars...the ones that stay throughout the show, the main players. this year it couldnt have been any better, with my cousins. the theme of this year reconnecting. my cousin mylee brought up the point, that me an tinny never really hung out as we were growing up. and even with lino, we didnt reconnect till after college. but now they both in my life and i wouldnt have it any other way. along with with reconnecting with tin, she introduced/reintroduced me to someone from my past. that person is changin my life one day at a time. even though she doesnt think so she does. id have to say because of bringing this special person back into my life, tin has takin the award for person who has made the most impact on my life this year.
so this wrap up wasnt really a wrap up....more like a thank you
Bring it 2010!
Monday, December 28, 2009
Monday, December 21, 2009
its written in the stars....
not too long ago i had a converstation with BBF #1, the subject of what we were talkin isnt really important in this statement, but the idea of destiny popped up. im prolly butchering the hell outta this, but she says the italians believe in "destino" or something like that...basically, everything is written for you. i usually like to think that i like to control my own life. but that good ol' saying "everything happens for a reason" comes into play.
so destiny, as many people, including myself, believe that we run and have our own destiny in our hands...but whats not to say..."because i did this and that and this earlier in my life, i came to this conclusion"
im starting more and more to believe in this destiny thing, just let life play out and sort the cards out later. i look into my past and often think, how would my life been if this incident didnt happen or if i never met this person. but if u think about it, it wouldnt have brought you to the point that i am at now. or who knows i may have taken longer to get to where im at now. in general, im content with the people i know now and with what has happened to me. every bad experience i take as a lesson, every good experience i take as a blessing. everyone, good or bad, has played a unique role into molding me into the person i am right now, at this very moment. how i think, how i act, how i love, how i care...
heres some real life examples...
if me n sheena never kept gettin ditched and all of a sudden we get stuck with each other for one night, i dont think we would have ever been the best of friends. or if i never started ROE...i would have never met my other best friend Abi. or if i never started ROE, would i be as successful as i am now...
destiny, as simple as it is, can hold the keys to someones life. we may not know what will happen next, but trust, life wants you to thrive...
so destiny, as many people, including myself, believe that we run and have our own destiny in our hands...but whats not to say..."because i did this and that and this earlier in my life, i came to this conclusion"
im starting more and more to believe in this destiny thing, just let life play out and sort the cards out later. i look into my past and often think, how would my life been if this incident didnt happen or if i never met this person. but if u think about it, it wouldnt have brought you to the point that i am at now. or who knows i may have taken longer to get to where im at now. in general, im content with the people i know now and with what has happened to me. every bad experience i take as a lesson, every good experience i take as a blessing. everyone, good or bad, has played a unique role into molding me into the person i am right now, at this very moment. how i think, how i act, how i love, how i care...
heres some real life examples...
if me n sheena never kept gettin ditched and all of a sudden we get stuck with each other for one night, i dont think we would have ever been the best of friends. or if i never started ROE...i would have never met my other best friend Abi. or if i never started ROE, would i be as successful as i am now...
destiny, as simple as it is, can hold the keys to someones life. we may not know what will happen next, but trust, life wants you to thrive...
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Simplicity is Beauty
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Lately ive been thinking bout things that i think myself is beautiful, all because of its pure simplicity.
Take for example....the 6-4-3 double play. When executed with percison looks just like a flip of the wrist. Ive played baseball, when practiced over and over again, it become second nature. Its soo simple and yet beautiful as the ball rounds the bases and the play dies in the first baseman's glove. Such a simple act can swing the inning towards the defensive team it can also be a game winning out...beautiful.
My good friend Abi gave me this idea that i'll elaborate on. Seeing an older couple holding hands. I know you must be thinking, who give a shit, Yet i remind you its the simplicity of if that we see the beauty. Under the intial sign, there are layers to why its soo beautiful, think about it. These two older people have stood the test of time, in a society where divorce and infidelity is as common as the common cold. For two people to be together for so long and to still love each other after all those years...beautiful. (and i hope i have that when im that age)
Theres plenty of other little things that i find spectacularly beautiful. Waking up mid-morning to the smell of bacon cooking. Its a beautiful thing. Or when my pants just fall perfectly over my shoes to show enuff shoe, but ruffle just a lil bit. Simply beautiful, a fresh untouched box of Jordans, still has the glue smell. I'd expect that the most simpliest joy would be holding your child in your arms for the first time. Simple beauty of rain droppin on already formed puddles. Or when Im DJing and i blend the shit outta two songs and the second song drops right on time! FUCKIN BEAUTIFUL.
Simple Beauty. What takes the cake for me is a woman who can rock it without any make up but look as beautiful as if she were dressed up for a night out. Glasses, tshirt n sweats or jeans, playing video games, drinkin a beer. i'll take her over any Megan Fox any day! Simply Beautiful!
Take for example....the 6-4-3 double play. When executed with percison looks just like a flip of the wrist. Ive played baseball, when practiced over and over again, it become second nature. Its soo simple and yet beautiful as the ball rounds the bases and the play dies in the first baseman's glove. Such a simple act can swing the inning towards the defensive team it can also be a game winning out...beautiful.
My good friend Abi gave me this idea that i'll elaborate on. Seeing an older couple holding hands. I know you must be thinking, who give a shit, Yet i remind you its the simplicity of if that we see the beauty. Under the intial sign, there are layers to why its soo beautiful, think about it. These two older people have stood the test of time, in a society where divorce and infidelity is as common as the common cold. For two people to be together for so long and to still love each other after all those years...beautiful. (and i hope i have that when im that age)
Theres plenty of other little things that i find spectacularly beautiful. Waking up mid-morning to the smell of bacon cooking. Its a beautiful thing. Or when my pants just fall perfectly over my shoes to show enuff shoe, but ruffle just a lil bit. Simply beautiful, a fresh untouched box of Jordans, still has the glue smell. I'd expect that the most simpliest joy would be holding your child in your arms for the first time. Simple beauty of rain droppin on already formed puddles. Or when Im DJing and i blend the shit outta two songs and the second song drops right on time! FUCKIN BEAUTIFUL.
Simple Beauty. What takes the cake for me is a woman who can rock it without any make up but look as beautiful as if she were dressed up for a night out. Glasses, tshirt n sweats or jeans, playing video games, drinkin a beer. i'll take her over any Megan Fox any day! Simply Beautiful!
Sunday, November 15, 2009
that sometime is now...
ive heard the phrase before..."God does not put you through what you cant handle" in the last few weeks this prolly has been testedto the limit. it has been an emotional rollercoaster, many glasses of alcohol and many ciggarette. i often say that im becoming Heartless. only because the time of gettin-over it lessens with each situation. am i really or am i just learning not to hold on so much.
i broke down, it was bad, but i got over it. and im fine now. i cant say that i just woke up one day n felt better. but i did have help from a lot of good friends and one special one in particular. life gives you lemons...you're stuck with a bunch of lemons....
but the great thing in life is...there is never a final to anything. when one door closes, another opens up somewhere else. the Summer always ends and the fall begins. the only thing you have to do is find it or wait it out.
id like to hope that i found my door opening. cuz right now thats all i can think about.
the night is always darkest before the dawn.
and to say the biggest breakdown i had in years might turn into the happiest moments of my life....
i broke down, it was bad, but i got over it. and im fine now. i cant say that i just woke up one day n felt better. but i did have help from a lot of good friends and one special one in particular. life gives you lemons...you're stuck with a bunch of lemons....
but the great thing in life is...there is never a final to anything. when one door closes, another opens up somewhere else. the Summer always ends and the fall begins. the only thing you have to do is find it or wait it out.
id like to hope that i found my door opening. cuz right now thats all i can think about.
the night is always darkest before the dawn.
and to say the biggest breakdown i had in years might turn into the happiest moments of my life....
Monday, November 9, 2009
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
sleepless in alameda
its 3 am and i just got home from icon. i had a horrilbe night...without gettin too much into detail, i wanted punch this bitch who was bothering me in the DJ booth, i dont hit ladies but i'll shake a bitch. 2nd another actualization of mines came tru, remember that winning record that i spoke about...(2-0) yea well chalk up another win for my intuition n horrilbe fortune. (3-0) thats right, life 3, CMC 0. and i guess i have no one to blame but myself, for feeding into peoples blind faith in my own life. i remember talkin to someone that i didnt want to get "in too deep" so to speak. well i allowed that to happen, my weak self, i thought i was heading somewhere, when i was staying in the same spot. i didnt speak, i didnt say anything its all my fault. and you know what it hurts more that way. i guess my mom was right, i wasnt meant for great or good things.
as i write this, i seriously contempated about quitting. quitting djing. the one thing that i told people can make me happy when im at my worst. but when that doesnt even work, what the hell am i suppose to do. im not quitting cuz im gettin old, im not quitting cuz im untalented it, but because it reminds me everything. and i know i'll see people that will keep reminding me of my failure, over and over again. i said im thinking bout it.
in my current situation, i already have a feeling what people are gonna say..."be happy for that person", "christian you are so selfish". but all that recycles in my head is that when will other people be happy with me or for me myself. when can i be selfish, when i try to be so self-less....and i just get stepped on. lied to. i never really was ever a dick, a douchebag, a liar, a cheater....i never was any of those, but i was and am not perfect, mistakes are made. but in general i am a good guy/person. i may slip up here and there but im a good person.
why am i takin it this hard? ive been thru this before....heartbreakingly too many times.
and why do i even keep trying....
and you know what, i know i havent been favorable with some certain people, if youre gonna talk shit, just do it to my face, i honestly dont care what you have to say to me. its like nothing matters to me now, bring your worst. we may have had our squabbles, but if u feel the need to, go ahead kick me when im already down, hey maybe i deserve it.
and to the other people who just laugh behind my back, keep secrets and really just think im some kind of joke, have your laugh. and i hope youre happy with it. its cool i was never wanted in the status that i am now. i worked hard to get where im at, but if im just some kinda joke to you. so be it, i never thought you guys were my peers anyway, if i quit or not i'll always know in my heart that i was ALWAYS better than you, douchebag.
as i write this, i seriously contempated about quitting. quitting djing. the one thing that i told people can make me happy when im at my worst. but when that doesnt even work, what the hell am i suppose to do. im not quitting cuz im gettin old, im not quitting cuz im untalented it, but because it reminds me everything. and i know i'll see people that will keep reminding me of my failure, over and over again. i said im thinking bout it.
in my current situation, i already have a feeling what people are gonna say..."be happy for that person", "christian you are so selfish". but all that recycles in my head is that when will other people be happy with me or for me myself. when can i be selfish, when i try to be so self-less....and i just get stepped on. lied to. i never really was ever a dick, a douchebag, a liar, a cheater....i never was any of those, but i was and am not perfect, mistakes are made. but in general i am a good guy/person. i may slip up here and there but im a good person.
why am i takin it this hard? ive been thru this before....heartbreakingly too many times.
and why do i even keep trying....
and you know what, i know i havent been favorable with some certain people, if youre gonna talk shit, just do it to my face, i honestly dont care what you have to say to me. its like nothing matters to me now, bring your worst. we may have had our squabbles, but if u feel the need to, go ahead kick me when im already down, hey maybe i deserve it.
and to the other people who just laugh behind my back, keep secrets and really just think im some kind of joke, have your laugh. and i hope youre happy with it. its cool i was never wanted in the status that i am now. i worked hard to get where im at, but if im just some kinda joke to you. so be it, i never thought you guys were my peers anyway, if i quit or not i'll always know in my heart that i was ALWAYS better than you, douchebag.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Christmas/Bday Wish List
its about that time...the weather is getting a Lil colder (no its not) leaves are turning golden, the air fills with the smell of burning wood in chimneys, the stores have all laid out their holiday decor. bust out your coats, scarves and mittens!
along with this time i like to reflect on my year and my upcoming birthday. as i get older, i dont expect to get anything, for christmas and my birthday. lately i've only been asking that my friends all get together and enjoy each others company. that has been pretty much on point. nothing has changed from last year. i still want the same thing, just all my friends to gather and chill. this is prolly gonna be a little bit harder than any other year. first off, two close friends of mine live far, sheena is in florida and vince is in texas. vince said he'll be back, but sheena said its pretty certain she wont be here for the holidays. second off, i've lost a few friends here and there, and before i turn this into some angry blog, i just wanna say that thats their choice, leave it at that. and because of these small issues, im prolly not the most favorable person right, this also created a rift in the fellowship. i tend to like to set ultimatums, but people WHO really know me n understand me, will be there for me. plus i know everyone is broke n shit...so i dont expect people to shell out to do anything that involves money.
but like i said a kick it would be great.
ultimately, i'd like to just be happy during my birthday. lately i havent been myself, i wake up put the smile on and try to get thru my days. something has changed in my life and i guess im not takin it as strong as i'd like too. and its hittin me really hard. soo here it is, my christmas/birthday wish, which no one can buy me or get me...i just want to be happy. take it how u want...
along with this time i like to reflect on my year and my upcoming birthday. as i get older, i dont expect to get anything, for christmas and my birthday. lately i've only been asking that my friends all get together and enjoy each others company. that has been pretty much on point. nothing has changed from last year. i still want the same thing, just all my friends to gather and chill. this is prolly gonna be a little bit harder than any other year. first off, two close friends of mine live far, sheena is in florida and vince is in texas. vince said he'll be back, but sheena said its pretty certain she wont be here for the holidays. second off, i've lost a few friends here and there, and before i turn this into some angry blog, i just wanna say that thats their choice, leave it at that. and because of these small issues, im prolly not the most favorable person right, this also created a rift in the fellowship. i tend to like to set ultimatums, but people WHO really know me n understand me, will be there for me. plus i know everyone is broke n shit...so i dont expect people to shell out to do anything that involves money.
but like i said a kick it would be great.
ultimately, i'd like to just be happy during my birthday. lately i havent been myself, i wake up put the smile on and try to get thru my days. something has changed in my life and i guess im not takin it as strong as i'd like too. and its hittin me really hard. soo here it is, my christmas/birthday wish, which no one can buy me or get me...i just want to be happy. take it how u want...
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
time to just let it all out!
this i indirectly related to ALOT of people, so if u feel like im calling you out, im prolly indirectly am. so forewarning, stop reading if u feel the need to retaliate...cuz i just wanted this to be the tell all end all of everything, if you come at me...beleive that i will tear you down soo hard verbally, that you will not want to be seen in public.
my dislikes:
hypocrites, so you say that you hate fake friends, but werent you the one who made friends with someone just so that you can spy on a certain someone. basically you were a fake friend to that person. or try to get in with my family just so you get info from my family. but hello, its my family and they see thru ur bullshit too. shady if you tell me, but what does my opinion count right? you are so self-righteous, you got this right? oh and how you told someone a story about urself, then u switch it up to save-face with another set of people.
regurgitated information....i love how youre just saying what ive always been sayin n u try to turn it on into your words. check with anyone of my friends, they know how i talk. and lets speak about friends again. you think some of these people are ur friends....but when they are laughing litteraly in ur face. not with you but at you, why cuz you DONT know everything. u claimed that you know who i am cuz i shared a few stories, but yet you even twisted those stories up. well you dont know shit about me. and im not gonna be like you and say..."oh i was this person i was that person...blah blah blah" live in the now...be the person who u are now. stop dwelling in the past and stop glorifying your struggle. whoopty fuckin doo, you lived a tough life. but honestly ive lived a tougher life than you, and i got a few years on you. but im not the type to talk about how hard it was, cuz everyones struggles are different and if u cant learn from it your bascially stuck.
and if you are too stoopid to notice that friends were simply concerned, then you deserve all that struggle that you GLORIFY soo much. me ive been thru that hustle and ive lived that life, ive moved on, im a grown-up.
im not perfect, not saying that i am, but what i am perfect in is my ability to learn from my mistakes/struggles.
another thing, my friends n family dont need to lie to me.
soo, post ur millions of meaningless posts. you're sub par ramblings, your hypocritical answers, your plagiarized responses. I'm done with it. i was just angry that you would talk down about my friends and family. this is it, this is all im saying, im not saying anything more. end of story
my dislikes:
hypocrites, so you say that you hate fake friends, but werent you the one who made friends with someone just so that you can spy on a certain someone. basically you were a fake friend to that person. or try to get in with my family just so you get info from my family. but hello, its my family and they see thru ur bullshit too. shady if you tell me, but what does my opinion count right? you are so self-righteous, you got this right? oh and how you told someone a story about urself, then u switch it up to save-face with another set of people.
regurgitated information....i love how youre just saying what ive always been sayin n u try to turn it on into your words. check with anyone of my friends, they know how i talk. and lets speak about friends again. you think some of these people are ur friends....but when they are laughing litteraly in ur face. not with you but at you, why cuz you DONT know everything. u claimed that you know who i am cuz i shared a few stories, but yet you even twisted those stories up. well you dont know shit about me. and im not gonna be like you and say..."oh i was this person i was that person...blah blah blah" live in the now...be the person who u are now. stop dwelling in the past and stop glorifying your struggle. whoopty fuckin doo, you lived a tough life. but honestly ive lived a tougher life than you, and i got a few years on you. but im not the type to talk about how hard it was, cuz everyones struggles are different and if u cant learn from it your bascially stuck.
and if you are too stoopid to notice that friends were simply concerned, then you deserve all that struggle that you GLORIFY soo much. me ive been thru that hustle and ive lived that life, ive moved on, im a grown-up.
im not perfect, not saying that i am, but what i am perfect in is my ability to learn from my mistakes/struggles.
another thing, my friends n family dont need to lie to me.
soo, post ur millions of meaningless posts. you're sub par ramblings, your hypocritical answers, your plagiarized responses. I'm done with it. i was just angry that you would talk down about my friends and family. this is it, this is all im saying, im not saying anything more. end of story
Friday, October 23, 2009
uncomfortably numb....
this whole day, ive been uneasy and honestly i dont know what im uneasy about. my night was great last night, i slept early all that. but and overwhelming blanket of dread took over, beens like this since the AM. i know its a collection of things, just not shure what those all are, it would help if i can decipher it, analyze it, nip it in the bud. i have a hunch, but i really want my hunches to be wrong(i have a 3-0 winning record, where i dont want to win again)
well up until bout right now, 5 mins ago i was extreamly sad...NOW, im mad.
see i dont understand people these days, this convo is a throwback to "never bite the hand that feeds you"
people are trying to help, you never have to do whatever they say, but if they care about you, they are just giving u the best possible way to fix something. but if u are TOO STOOPID to listen, soo be it. and remember you arent the only person in teh situation, believe it or not, you are affecting hella peoples lives! soo think about that shit! but i dont understand this glorification of struggle n low level to hi level promotion. fuck, if its there for you TAKE IT. dont lower yourself, to make ur story sound pityful n full of struggle. ive been thru that and personally i wouldnt want to look back. ive been in that struggle and been thru SHIT you dont even know about ME youngster! and honestly i dont believe a single word u say...why? cuz i DONT FUCKIN STUTTA WHEN I TALK AFTER I GET CAUGHT IN A LIE. and you know what, this whole issue doesnt envolve me, but you know what, fuck with my friends/fam IM ALL IN YOUR FACE...yea and SINCE YOU DONT FUCKIN KNOW ME...you'll learn the real me...soo shut the fuck up n get the fuck outta here!
well up until bout right now, 5 mins ago i was extreamly sad...NOW, im mad.
see i dont understand people these days, this convo is a throwback to "never bite the hand that feeds you"
people are trying to help, you never have to do whatever they say, but if they care about you, they are just giving u the best possible way to fix something. but if u are TOO STOOPID to listen, soo be it. and remember you arent the only person in teh situation, believe it or not, you are affecting hella peoples lives! soo think about that shit! but i dont understand this glorification of struggle n low level to hi level promotion. fuck, if its there for you TAKE IT. dont lower yourself, to make ur story sound pityful n full of struggle. ive been thru that and personally i wouldnt want to look back. ive been in that struggle and been thru SHIT you dont even know about ME youngster! and honestly i dont believe a single word u say...why? cuz i DONT FUCKIN STUTTA WHEN I TALK AFTER I GET CAUGHT IN A LIE. and you know what, this whole issue doesnt envolve me, but you know what, fuck with my friends/fam IM ALL IN YOUR FACE...yea and SINCE YOU DONT FUCKIN KNOW ME...you'll learn the real me...soo shut the fuck up n get the fuck outta here!
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
WAKIN UP IN VEGAS!
in lue of my vacation in vegas coming up...ive decided to do the unthinkable....
you know the rule of "whatever happens in vegas, stays in vegas" well imma break that rule just a lil bit. im not gonna mention any names, where i can get introuble...but i'll share some of my stories of "wakin up in vegas":
-my first trip there, we stayed at my aunts house, she wasnt there we were just lookin for a place to crash. the last night there we got so drunk, went into the wrong house, but oddly the key opened the neighbors door, walked all the way to the bedroom untill i heard someone say..."whos there" we jetted after that.
-one new year, i traveled down to vegas with dwight, which took like 10 hours. finally got there, dressed up, went out to find that all the clubs were sold out...partied on the strip, our friends show up right before midnight, their cells didnt work, they called us from a pay phone which happened to be right accross the street from us, drank with some strangers on the strip, threw up on the bridge at NYNY...Robby pisses in the hallway, Janine n Robby go drinkin, robby throws a quater at the bartender, gets kicked out...Chris falls alseep next to the door, janine throws up all morning! LOL (thats in a nutshell)
-again in a nutshell: guys trip to vegas, i started drinkin at the airport, almost didnt get on the plane cuz i was soo drunk, lookin hella ragged n non douchebaggy, we jumped the line at Tryst thanks to a friend of mine. dont get home till 5am, sleep at 7, wake up at 10, drink a 24 pack of beer n a bottle of jack, fight a hive of bees/hornets...head back to the strip, walk the whole damn strip for a gawdamn alcohol stick you can BUY anywhere!! went to see Lupe Fiasco (dope concert) amost fought like 3 times, went to Scores...dropped hella cash, got a stripper number, smoked out, lost a memeber of our crew, found him the next day in front of our friends hotel room door....ahhh good times! LOL (gambling inbetween everything)
-trip 2 a month later: Miss America weekend, chicks from various states in ball gowns everywhere. Suite @ the Venitian, first night, kings cup....hotel is trashed! bottle of jack gone, bottle of malibu gone, 2 packs of beer gone. more friends arrive in the morning...10am me n crystal gather up left over beers, mix them n shot gun...10:05 am-im throwin up in the bathroom. head to Tao proceed to get wasted! got back to the suite sleep, next day proceed to molest wax figures at Madame Tussuo's. gamble, one last game of KINGS CUP...i kill two lava sticks of alcohol. soo drunk!
-first paquiao fight: free hot breakfast, free alcohol, FREE SAKE TASTING, DJ'd @ VBar, party @ PriVe...BOTTLE SERVICE PIMPIN! parties with a million n one filipinos and half the bay was in the area!! ULTIMATE! ULTIMATE NETWORKING TRIP...wasted twice...same day...flight @ 8am, which was DELAYED anyway!
sooo just a short quip of my vegas trips, alot more details, but soo much fun, im going 2 weekends in a row. lets see how this goes?!?
BOTTLES UP....CHEERS TO YOU ALL!
you know the rule of "whatever happens in vegas, stays in vegas" well imma break that rule just a lil bit. im not gonna mention any names, where i can get introuble...but i'll share some of my stories of "wakin up in vegas":
-my first trip there, we stayed at my aunts house, she wasnt there we were just lookin for a place to crash. the last night there we got so drunk, went into the wrong house, but oddly the key opened the neighbors door, walked all the way to the bedroom untill i heard someone say..."whos there" we jetted after that.
-one new year, i traveled down to vegas with dwight, which took like 10 hours. finally got there, dressed up, went out to find that all the clubs were sold out...partied on the strip, our friends show up right before midnight, their cells didnt work, they called us from a pay phone which happened to be right accross the street from us, drank with some strangers on the strip, threw up on the bridge at NYNY...Robby pisses in the hallway, Janine n Robby go drinkin, robby throws a quater at the bartender, gets kicked out...Chris falls alseep next to the door, janine throws up all morning! LOL (thats in a nutshell)
-again in a nutshell: guys trip to vegas, i started drinkin at the airport, almost didnt get on the plane cuz i was soo drunk, lookin hella ragged n non douchebaggy, we jumped the line at Tryst thanks to a friend of mine. dont get home till 5am, sleep at 7, wake up at 10, drink a 24 pack of beer n a bottle of jack, fight a hive of bees/hornets...head back to the strip, walk the whole damn strip for a gawdamn alcohol stick you can BUY anywhere!! went to see Lupe Fiasco (dope concert) amost fought like 3 times, went to Scores...dropped hella cash, got a stripper number, smoked out, lost a memeber of our crew, found him the next day in front of our friends hotel room door....ahhh good times! LOL (gambling inbetween everything)
-trip 2 a month later: Miss America weekend, chicks from various states in ball gowns everywhere. Suite @ the Venitian, first night, kings cup....hotel is trashed! bottle of jack gone, bottle of malibu gone, 2 packs of beer gone. more friends arrive in the morning...10am me n crystal gather up left over beers, mix them n shot gun...10:05 am-im throwin up in the bathroom. head to Tao proceed to get wasted! got back to the suite sleep, next day proceed to molest wax figures at Madame Tussuo's. gamble, one last game of KINGS CUP...i kill two lava sticks of alcohol. soo drunk!
-first paquiao fight: free hot breakfast, free alcohol, FREE SAKE TASTING, DJ'd @ VBar, party @ PriVe...BOTTLE SERVICE PIMPIN! parties with a million n one filipinos and half the bay was in the area!! ULTIMATE! ULTIMATE NETWORKING TRIP...wasted twice...same day...flight @ 8am, which was DELAYED anyway!
sooo just a short quip of my vegas trips, alot more details, but soo much fun, im going 2 weekends in a row. lets see how this goes?!?
BOTTLES UP....CHEERS TO YOU ALL!
Friday, October 16, 2009
its gettin to the point....
often times, we all get to our breakin point. where u just cant take the situation your in and desperate times call for desperate measures. i always wished that when these situations arose in my life that i would come into it with a clear n concise rational. but i cant, im a thinker...a deep one too. i analyze ever possible angle of the situation no matter how obserd it may sound. why? cuz in reality the impossible can happen...i kno you ask yourself "have you ever thought just maybe?" yes yes i have...many times over.
like i said i never wanted to enter this n end it with me making a desperate attempt at something. thats not me. i always wanted it to just "happen" at times i think it is but then i over think n think nothing is happening.
in love in relationships theres a very thin line, timing must be right, attraction must be on point, all the stars have to align.....but then again...it doesnt.
i dont know what point im trying to get accross in this blog, but...i dont want to become the desperate person. i need to make a move n make one fast...
ps-have i ever mentioned that i hate douchebags? well yea i do fuck you!
like i said i never wanted to enter this n end it with me making a desperate attempt at something. thats not me. i always wanted it to just "happen" at times i think it is but then i over think n think nothing is happening.
in love in relationships theres a very thin line, timing must be right, attraction must be on point, all the stars have to align.....but then again...it doesnt.
i dont know what point im trying to get accross in this blog, but...i dont want to become the desperate person. i need to make a move n make one fast...
ps-have i ever mentioned that i hate douchebags? well yea i do fuck you!
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Tonight
Am I on your mind tonight
do you kno how much i miss you
do the walls close in, tonight
do you wish that i was with you
do you look at pictures of you and i and wish those times are now,
if you find a way to make the tears pass by more quickly, tell me how
is it me or is the night a little longer when your gone
there couldnt be a road more lonely, than the one im on
so excuse while i take this time to watch the moon go down,
i guess without you here something isnt right, ooh tonight.
i am i in your dreams tonight
do we walk along the shoreline
do you see my face tonight
do you hold your hand beside mine
do you reach for me soo far you wake yourself the way i do
and when i wonder where you are, are your wondering about me too
is it me or is the night a little longer when your gone
there couldnt be a road more lonely, than the one im on
so excuse while i take this time to watch the moon go down,
i guess without you here something isnt right, ooh tonight.
i guess i never noticed just how much those little things
that i miss about you now, are gonna mean to me
theres nothing that i couldnt bare
to what id give to see you again
to listen to hear you say youre comin home
is it me or is the night a little longer when your gone
there couldnt be a road more lonely, than the one im on
so excuse while i take this time to watch the moon go down,
i guess without you here something isnt right, ooh tonight.
do you kno how much i miss you
do the walls close in, tonight
do you wish that i was with you
do you look at pictures of you and i and wish those times are now,
if you find a way to make the tears pass by more quickly, tell me how
is it me or is the night a little longer when your gone
there couldnt be a road more lonely, than the one im on
so excuse while i take this time to watch the moon go down,
i guess without you here something isnt right, ooh tonight.
i am i in your dreams tonight
do we walk along the shoreline
do you see my face tonight
do you hold your hand beside mine
do you reach for me soo far you wake yourself the way i do
and when i wonder where you are, are your wondering about me too
is it me or is the night a little longer when your gone
there couldnt be a road more lonely, than the one im on
so excuse while i take this time to watch the moon go down,
i guess without you here something isnt right, ooh tonight.
i guess i never noticed just how much those little things
that i miss about you now, are gonna mean to me
theres nothing that i couldnt bare
to what id give to see you again
to listen to hear you say youre comin home
is it me or is the night a little longer when your gone
there couldnt be a road more lonely, than the one im on
so excuse while i take this time to watch the moon go down,
i guess without you here something isnt right, ooh tonight.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
never let you emotions get the best of you
i wish i never met her/i wish i never introduced myself/i wish i never got her number/i wish i never asked her out/i wish she never said yes/i wish i never think of her/i wish she was never on my mind/i wish i never had this feeling/i wish i never was who i am/i wish is was easier than this/i wish i didnt depend on her for my happiness/i wish that i dont fall in love/i wish that she would love me/i wish i had no heart/
i never wanted to fall in love, but fightin the feeling its getting too much, i cant be mad, i have no right to be, i measure time as the periods between her and i meeting, but i know i shouldnt live that way, i want to change who i am, but then i shouldnt have to change for anyone. i wish i were more brave, i wish i wasnt shy, i wish i didnt fear the concequences of my own actions. how does one deny their feelings, when everyone says thats how you know what love it, my view of love has completely changed, if im suppose to just "feel" it...am i not suppose to trust my heart. i never wanted to get this deep in, i never wanted to fall, i was happy where i was, but i wanted more. i guess its the selfishness in my heart. always wanting things for myself. ive always believed that nothing is impossible...but as i continue on, im starting to believe that impossible exisits, ive learned to be alone and not lonely. ive learned not to rush, ive learned to not to give my all, ive heard all the cliches, ive listened to every lesson, ive heard all the advice, its forever a mystery. ive sacrificed my life...ive sacrificed my happiness, ive wished happiness for her, can someone pray and hope that i too can have happiness in my life. in all aspects of my life im happy, content.
im sorry, to all those who told me, dont make her my happiness, but all i can think about is her and being with her...and it makes me smile. if feel that its coming down to the wire for me, i never wanted to be in soo deep...but my heart longs to be here and i want to fall it love, i want to take that leap, i want to take that step, i want to just grab hold, pull close, then just let it all go.
i never wanted to fall in love, but fightin the feeling its getting too much, i cant be mad, i have no right to be, i measure time as the periods between her and i meeting, but i know i shouldnt live that way, i want to change who i am, but then i shouldnt have to change for anyone. i wish i were more brave, i wish i wasnt shy, i wish i didnt fear the concequences of my own actions. how does one deny their feelings, when everyone says thats how you know what love it, my view of love has completely changed, if im suppose to just "feel" it...am i not suppose to trust my heart. i never wanted to get this deep in, i never wanted to fall, i was happy where i was, but i wanted more. i guess its the selfishness in my heart. always wanting things for myself. ive always believed that nothing is impossible...but as i continue on, im starting to believe that impossible exisits, ive learned to be alone and not lonely. ive learned not to rush, ive learned to not to give my all, ive heard all the cliches, ive listened to every lesson, ive heard all the advice, its forever a mystery. ive sacrificed my life...ive sacrificed my happiness, ive wished happiness for her, can someone pray and hope that i too can have happiness in my life. in all aspects of my life im happy, content.
im sorry, to all those who told me, dont make her my happiness, but all i can think about is her and being with her...and it makes me smile. if feel that its coming down to the wire for me, i never wanted to be in soo deep...but my heart longs to be here and i want to fall it love, i want to take that leap, i want to take that step, i want to just grab hold, pull close, then just let it all go.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
MELODRAMATICS!
I prolly learned the most from an enemy of mines. Its a weird coincidence that some my most life changing lessons come from an ex-friend, who in turn was fakin the funk the whole time.
"Pity is a tool of the weak." In my mind humility is the great tool of the strong, without crossing the line of confidence and arrogance, I'll try my best to argue my point. Thru my life I've met two distinct people, humble and cocky people. I know some of you all think that I'm a cocky person, cuz I glorify it and seemed to act like that. But if know me, you know I'm not that person. What pisses me off are the types that use pity for their glory. People who constantly remind us, "oh I did it on my own, NO ONE helped me" if u did it on ur own, u don't need to advertise, people will know. Another example, airing out ur dirty laundry, I too, am guilty of this. But in my honest opinion, I'm not lookin for solutions or answers or even a "hey, you'll be alright" I'm vocally expressing my thought, to see then materialize. Something I learned in my psyc classes. I don't need the people tellin me it will be good, I know it wil because, I'm still here and never gave up. If I want to talk to you I will talk to you. If I spill my guts, it would prolly be in this blog, but I won't mention names, certain situations or ne of that. People who air that shit out, is lookin for the attention they get, they love it, thrive off it, makes them feel like they belong, the saying it true, "misry luvs company, if they can bring down to where they are, they won't feel alone.
Sometimes we need that alone time, sometimes we NEED to solve things on our own time, by ourselves. Remember what may work for one, might not work for another. Being pittiful, you just look melodramatic, you want the attention, but then everyone starts to look at you as some weak ass person. i dunno. i get like that, but i confide in people who will give me more that a pat on tha back, or a "hey keep your head up"...
lets hug it out bitch!
"Pity is a tool of the weak." In my mind humility is the great tool of the strong, without crossing the line of confidence and arrogance, I'll try my best to argue my point. Thru my life I've met two distinct people, humble and cocky people. I know some of you all think that I'm a cocky person, cuz I glorify it and seemed to act like that. But if know me, you know I'm not that person. What pisses me off are the types that use pity for their glory. People who constantly remind us, "oh I did it on my own, NO ONE helped me" if u did it on ur own, u don't need to advertise, people will know. Another example, airing out ur dirty laundry, I too, am guilty of this. But in my honest opinion, I'm not lookin for solutions or answers or even a "hey, you'll be alright" I'm vocally expressing my thought, to see then materialize. Something I learned in my psyc classes. I don't need the people tellin me it will be good, I know it wil because, I'm still here and never gave up. If I want to talk to you I will talk to you. If I spill my guts, it would prolly be in this blog, but I won't mention names, certain situations or ne of that. People who air that shit out, is lookin for the attention they get, they love it, thrive off it, makes them feel like they belong, the saying it true, "misry luvs company, if they can bring down to where they are, they won't feel alone.
Sometimes we need that alone time, sometimes we NEED to solve things on our own time, by ourselves. Remember what may work for one, might not work for another. Being pittiful, you just look melodramatic, you want the attention, but then everyone starts to look at you as some weak ass person. i dunno. i get like that, but i confide in people who will give me more that a pat on tha back, or a "hey keep your head up"...
lets hug it out bitch!
Friday, August 14, 2009
500 Days of Summer
so i just watched this movie yesterday, with a very good female friend of mines. i totally avoided bringing a "date" type to this movie for several reasons.
1. this movie was great...so many parallels to my life, well to any ones life for that matter. its an easily relate-able movie, everyone has been in either Tom or Summers shoes. at first glance i thought i was the Tom character, but upon further examination, i see that i hold a lil bit of both of them in me.
2. as stated in the beginning of this movie, THIS IS NOT A LOVE STORY. definitely not a love story, but a story about LOVE. it makes sense in my mind, it was not about the romance btw these two people, but rather their perception of LOVE n relationships. NOT A LOVE STORY.
3. (spoiler) They made Summer to be such a bitch in the movie, but in the end we learn that she was being the most honest person in the moive. you wanted to hate her, in a sense i kinda still do. only because i relate so much to the Tom character.
well these are just a few reasons why i didnt want to bring a date to this movie, the fact that i did not want to relate myself so much to this character that my "date" would have second thoughts. etc... its not a love story, so no ones gettin laid after this moive (who knows, maybe) and i TOTALLY didnt want to start a fight at the movie about Summer being a bitch, when she wasnt really.
when i saw this movie n as it progressed i related soo much to the tom character. his ideas of love n romance almost are as identical to mines. (plz read two blogs ago, thats before i saw this movie) it was that convoluted idea of boy meets girl, they break up, boy wins girls heart....happily ever after. but from what i can say from experience...its more like: boy meets girl...boy falls in love with girl...girl breaks his heart. when it should be...boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, GIRL RECIPROCATES THE EXACT FEELINGS, they live happily ever after.
during the movie i couldnt do anything but think of the situation im in right now. am i rushing her? does she feel the same way for me....have i been wasting my time....where is this going? am i the Tom thats just lookin at the good things and not seeing that she isnt the one for me? i dont even want to question it any more.
but all in all this was a great movie. i highly recommend everyone to go see it, and judge for yourself. as for now,
i'll just end it as my therapist/bff just told me: dont let your love life define you.
1. this movie was great...so many parallels to my life, well to any ones life for that matter. its an easily relate-able movie, everyone has been in either Tom or Summers shoes. at first glance i thought i was the Tom character, but upon further examination, i see that i hold a lil bit of both of them in me.
2. as stated in the beginning of this movie, THIS IS NOT A LOVE STORY. definitely not a love story, but a story about LOVE. it makes sense in my mind, it was not about the romance btw these two people, but rather their perception of LOVE n relationships. NOT A LOVE STORY.
3. (spoiler) They made Summer to be such a bitch in the movie, but in the end we learn that she was being the most honest person in the moive. you wanted to hate her, in a sense i kinda still do. only because i relate so much to the Tom character.
well these are just a few reasons why i didnt want to bring a date to this movie, the fact that i did not want to relate myself so much to this character that my "date" would have second thoughts. etc... its not a love story, so no ones gettin laid after this moive (who knows, maybe) and i TOTALLY didnt want to start a fight at the movie about Summer being a bitch, when she wasnt really.
when i saw this movie n as it progressed i related soo much to the tom character. his ideas of love n romance almost are as identical to mines. (plz read two blogs ago, thats before i saw this movie) it was that convoluted idea of boy meets girl, they break up, boy wins girls heart....happily ever after. but from what i can say from experience...its more like: boy meets girl...boy falls in love with girl...girl breaks his heart. when it should be...boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, GIRL RECIPROCATES THE EXACT FEELINGS, they live happily ever after.
during the movie i couldnt do anything but think of the situation im in right now. am i rushing her? does she feel the same way for me....have i been wasting my time....where is this going? am i the Tom thats just lookin at the good things and not seeing that she isnt the one for me? i dont even want to question it any more.
but all in all this was a great movie. i highly recommend everyone to go see it, and judge for yourself. as for now,
i'll just end it as my therapist/bff just told me: dont let your love life define you.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
untitled
as the last ciggarette burns down to the filter i stay staring straight into the midnight sky/we've been sitting here for 2 hours, small conversation break up the comfortable silence/staring...staring...the twinkle of the brightest star catches my eye, but still find myself stealing a glance at her,lying there, staring up at the same night sky, she keeps her focus on the sky, while i keep my focus on her/the ciggarette burns out, im still staring at her, as the smoke disappates, the scent of her perfume fills my nose, and im drunk off of her/small details, as i trace her profile with my eye, like how she doesnt need to fully smile for her dimples to show or how her hair falls over her eye and she sweeps them away/every sight, beautiful, every movement, graceful, the moment is perfect/no words are spoken, but we share laughs and giggles, momentary smiles when our eyes meet/every breath i take, i inhale a memory, a thought of the moment/no words are spoken, but i know exactly what she's thinking, concentrate on the star/concentrate on the stars, i keep tellin myself, but im staring at her/i could careless, about the shooting stars, b'cuz im staring at my own personal star/i want to tell her "you have my heart, always have..."/but i do not want to rush, but when it feels this right its almost what you want to do/but i hold back/hold back, not to disturb this comfortable silence.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
i just wanna be i just wanna be succe...ESSENTIAL!
so lately ive been noticing a surge of people trying to essential, trying to drop knowledge. most often than not they just sound like tools or cocky bastards! with my blogs, im not trying to change the world or anyone else. ive decided that people are who they are...my messages are simply for thought, take it as you may. the senseless droning of quotes spat from "someone once said" type shit is gettin tiring. dont live...nore base ur life of one sentence. you are a human, you are more than that! along with this mindless reiteration of great writers, comes action. dont just quote or say...DO! words me nothing without action. also remember that just because someone doesnt do it HOW YOU WOULD DO IT...doesnt mean its totally wrong. what works for them, doesnt necessarily mean it'll work for you, n vice versa...so ur endless quotes n homemade poetry cant always help...ANYONE for that matter...
(except for Abi's writing which is awesome)
so lets move on...
its maybe cuz im runnin on 2 hours of sleep...but last night i saw one of my favorite movies...Cant Hardly Wait. the classic late 90s teen flick about coming of age and coming to grips with the uncertain future. a senior class has a last hoorah at the end of their senior year, people patch up loose ends and the main character tries to tell the girl of his dreams how he feels about her. the movie progresses with comedic situations and often got me nostalgic about my years in high school. as we all kno the end, the boy gets the girl or girl gets the boy...however you want to see it.
its an entertaining movie. BUT! it hit far to hard home...(i know you all are thinking...oh shit CMC is ranting about his relationship life...or lack there of it, just hear me out its good, i maybe sleepy, which is very close to being drunk, but i'll be entertaining n insightful!) i blame these sappy love movies possibly for how i act now. it always ends with the couple together. not to say that these situations are entirely believe able, they are, it all cant truthfully happen. but i saw these movies at such an influential age. i really thought, love can just happen like that...over night, during a party, after rescuing the girl, winning the basketball championship, showing up the the high school musical! life just doesnt work like that. life has real heartbreak...more often than not, the boy doesnt get the girl. like i said, i blame these movies for puttin the notion that it is THAT easy! if i wrote a love story, it would definitely end in tragedy. like how they used to write. just based on my life tho. not to say that i have lost my faith in my own life, no thats not what im saying. im saying to give these stories some true to life content...Romeo must Die...
i got sidetracked. oh yea, soo these movies put the notion that its a happy rainbow at the end. i dont wanna sound bitter and that these movies turned me into a bitter person who hates love n everyone in love. i LOVE..LOVE. i love to see two people happy. im totally not against these movies, im just sayin it might have fucked with me a bit, but i did turn out some good things from these movies:
1. its turned me into a sensitive guy...but im not no bitch! (excuse the language)i know how to listen, i pay attention...im sensitive to the needs of a woman
2. ive learned chivalry.
3. ive learned to speak my mind
4. i think ive learned a clouded watered down version of love...but with my personal experiences i think, i've found my own definition.
i think the biggest lesson that ive learned and that some of my own friends envy is hope. hope that there is never an end all of end alls. that somewhere out there. that not this time...but next time. that theres always next season. all these characters in these movies have hope. hope that things will get better, lucky for them they are in the movie, hope is automatic. i just wish it was that simple n shure in real life.
hope my friend n my enemy.
as i learned from my english teachers in the past, essays have no value unless i have cited works...so heres where i am now. let me tell you about how ive been operating lately. id like to say ive moved from this fairy tale type life where im completely relying on hope. science has taken over. and for the hell of me...science makes more sense in my mind. its a thing of validity...or sureness. i cant or its difficult for me to take that leap, whereas before i'd jump the cliff of any old fight. in a sense its my maturity, but sometime in life u just need to let go and JUMP! for example, in the moive Sarah Marshall, the main charater has a metaphoric type "jump" off a cliff, but it was actually a jump to get over Sarah Marshall and into the arms of his real love interest.
either im TERRIFIED TO MAKE THE JUMP....or science's shureness and facts are holding me back. i think about takin the leap...but then i think of the consequences. back n forth im fighting myself. but now i think im ready. im bout to take the leap. im hoping for a "Cant Hardly Wait" response, but preparing for a "Sweet November" response, ultimately hoping for "The Notebook" ending.
(except for Abi's writing which is awesome)
so lets move on...
its maybe cuz im runnin on 2 hours of sleep...but last night i saw one of my favorite movies...Cant Hardly Wait. the classic late 90s teen flick about coming of age and coming to grips with the uncertain future. a senior class has a last hoorah at the end of their senior year, people patch up loose ends and the main character tries to tell the girl of his dreams how he feels about her. the movie progresses with comedic situations and often got me nostalgic about my years in high school. as we all kno the end, the boy gets the girl or girl gets the boy...however you want to see it.
its an entertaining movie. BUT! it hit far to hard home...(i know you all are thinking...oh shit CMC is ranting about his relationship life...or lack there of it, just hear me out its good, i maybe sleepy, which is very close to being drunk, but i'll be entertaining n insightful!) i blame these sappy love movies possibly for how i act now. it always ends with the couple together. not to say that these situations are entirely believe able, they are, it all cant truthfully happen. but i saw these movies at such an influential age. i really thought, love can just happen like that...over night, during a party, after rescuing the girl, winning the basketball championship, showing up the the high school musical! life just doesnt work like that. life has real heartbreak...more often than not, the boy doesnt get the girl. like i said, i blame these movies for puttin the notion that it is THAT easy! if i wrote a love story, it would definitely end in tragedy. like how they used to write. just based on my life tho. not to say that i have lost my faith in my own life, no thats not what im saying. im saying to give these stories some true to life content...Romeo must Die...
i got sidetracked. oh yea, soo these movies put the notion that its a happy rainbow at the end. i dont wanna sound bitter and that these movies turned me into a bitter person who hates love n everyone in love. i LOVE..LOVE. i love to see two people happy. im totally not against these movies, im just sayin it might have fucked with me a bit, but i did turn out some good things from these movies:
1. its turned me into a sensitive guy...but im not no bitch! (excuse the language)i know how to listen, i pay attention...im sensitive to the needs of a woman
2. ive learned chivalry.
3. ive learned to speak my mind
4. i think ive learned a clouded watered down version of love...but with my personal experiences i think, i've found my own definition.
i think the biggest lesson that ive learned and that some of my own friends envy is hope. hope that there is never an end all of end alls. that somewhere out there. that not this time...but next time. that theres always next season. all these characters in these movies have hope. hope that things will get better, lucky for them they are in the movie, hope is automatic. i just wish it was that simple n shure in real life.
hope my friend n my enemy.
as i learned from my english teachers in the past, essays have no value unless i have cited works...so heres where i am now. let me tell you about how ive been operating lately. id like to say ive moved from this fairy tale type life where im completely relying on hope. science has taken over. and for the hell of me...science makes more sense in my mind. its a thing of validity...or sureness. i cant or its difficult for me to take that leap, whereas before i'd jump the cliff of any old fight. in a sense its my maturity, but sometime in life u just need to let go and JUMP! for example, in the moive Sarah Marshall, the main charater has a metaphoric type "jump" off a cliff, but it was actually a jump to get over Sarah Marshall and into the arms of his real love interest.
either im TERRIFIED TO MAKE THE JUMP....or science's shureness and facts are holding me back. i think about takin the leap...but then i think of the consequences. back n forth im fighting myself. but now i think im ready. im bout to take the leap. im hoping for a "Cant Hardly Wait" response, but preparing for a "Sweet November" response, ultimately hoping for "The Notebook" ending.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Wish the world would love me
here in this society, we all do care a little too much of what everyone thinks of us. everyones done it, compared ourselves to someone else to see how we measure up. i'd admit im super guilty as charged. for a long time, i wanted to run with the popular group, i wanted to fit in, i wanted to be invited to their functions. i'll admit i often ditched my real friends to try to fit in. big mistake (imma sound like an episode of Full House or Family Matters). but as life progressed, i learned who my real friends are and learned that the loved me for me. not for how i dressed, what i drove, what i did, what social groups i hung out with. i never had to go above and beyond for this friends, cuz even without action they would know...when the time comes, i would an will go the distance for them. i also learned that i cant be friends with everyone i meet...i cant just welcome everyone as "family" i have to have check myself a lil bit. you cant please everyone in this world. i'll also admitt, i did not grow up like everyone else, in all fairness, people were raised different. i battled alot of emotional battles in the past n its made me a wiser person. but like i said you can please everyone.
if u are always offering help, thats aweseome u are a great person, but in this world, before you help others, learn to help yourself! u cant take care of anyone if u cant take care of yourself. and if u want to be this generous person, give and give, but never ask for anything in return.
humility...the master does not seek out the student, the student seeks the master. dont brag about where, what you did in the past. thats why its the past.
in a sense, be mature about things. think things over, dont resort back to the past. stubborness is the ugly cousin of immaturity, the inability to let go of the past.
as my best friend always says, sometimes what may work for one person, may not work for another. its as simple as that. dont be angry that it didnt go your way. learn from it, n try to improve ur life...dont try n help everyone else. keep in mind the key to therapy is that the patient must want to seek help...for them to be help, dont just offer ur life away, and expect immediate return. life is salary-less job, we but we all gotta make it. so think...before you talk or act.
or just grow the fuck up!
if u are always offering help, thats aweseome u are a great person, but in this world, before you help others, learn to help yourself! u cant take care of anyone if u cant take care of yourself. and if u want to be this generous person, give and give, but never ask for anything in return.
humility...the master does not seek out the student, the student seeks the master. dont brag about where, what you did in the past. thats why its the past.
in a sense, be mature about things. think things over, dont resort back to the past. stubborness is the ugly cousin of immaturity, the inability to let go of the past.
as my best friend always says, sometimes what may work for one person, may not work for another. its as simple as that. dont be angry that it didnt go your way. learn from it, n try to improve ur life...dont try n help everyone else. keep in mind the key to therapy is that the patient must want to seek help...for them to be help, dont just offer ur life away, and expect immediate return. life is salary-less job, we but we all gotta make it. so think...before you talk or act.
or just grow the fuck up!
Friday, May 22, 2009
falling on deaf ears...
i have a friend who told me that he doesnt open up because at a time when he needed someone the most, no one was there for him. i understand that can be one of the most terrible things someone can do to another friend. but as a friend and i do believe that apologies are in order. with recents events affecting my friend and certain conversations we've had, ive learned that trust is a big deal to him. without gettin too much into detail, lets just say a loss of trust ended a possibly good friendship for him. now back to my original point. the main event, that brought forth his present behavior, the fact that he had no one at his time of need.
now i call out for my friends. unlike my other friend, im not holding on to one situation or blaming my lack of trust on anyone. im forgiving and always willing to give things a second chance.
i only say this cuz im at that point and time. one of my trusted friends is out of town, another doesnt live anywhere close, my best friend is in florida, and one of my last resorts doesnt even answer his phone. with the exception of the one who decides when they want to answer their phone, the other 3 have their own businesses n lives to take care of. tell you the truth i dont get down on myself this often anymore. but the few times i do i wish that i could have my friends here with me.
i honestly dont kno whats my deal the last few days. i just dont feel myself. i'll figure it out. i always do.
now i call out for my friends. unlike my other friend, im not holding on to one situation or blaming my lack of trust on anyone. im forgiving and always willing to give things a second chance.
i only say this cuz im at that point and time. one of my trusted friends is out of town, another doesnt live anywhere close, my best friend is in florida, and one of my last resorts doesnt even answer his phone. with the exception of the one who decides when they want to answer their phone, the other 3 have their own businesses n lives to take care of. tell you the truth i dont get down on myself this often anymore. but the few times i do i wish that i could have my friends here with me.
i honestly dont kno whats my deal the last few days. i just dont feel myself. i'll figure it out. i always do.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
When the strongest fall....
there are times in our lives when we realize, we just arent that person who we all thought we all should be. we freeze up, tense up, stop in our tracks. without explaination we are just not who we are. what happens when the rock, the leader, the corner stone, fall. the leader everyone looks to always know what they are doing and always know where to go the person who is so solid and so shure, becomes that opposite. it happens, the greatest topple from glory.
some people believe its just regressing to a time when we weren't that great leader that everyone looks to.
sooo...im feeling down, not shure why. i need time to marinate on it. but its like when your world is crumbling, the rest of the world is also burns with you. its comforting, but then again, ur suppose to be that person to pull everyone from the fire...
i dunno where im going with this...depressed i suppose
some people believe its just regressing to a time when we weren't that great leader that everyone looks to.
sooo...im feeling down, not shure why. i need time to marinate on it. but its like when your world is crumbling, the rest of the world is also burns with you. its comforting, but then again, ur suppose to be that person to pull everyone from the fire...
i dunno where im going with this...depressed i suppose
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
WTF is wrong with florida
granted i have not been to many states, but FLORIDA takes the cake! first off before i even stepped on the place to fly here...ive heard horrible things about this place. first theres sheenas ordeal with the soliciting rapist, then theres stories of that L'Trion Milton stealing his grandma's car and beating her over some chicken wings...the list can go on and on.
i arrive here and its a normal as it can possibly be. kinda warm, so im likin it, but humid. a little overcast, but i can see the stars.
i get here to sheenas spot and next thing you know its storming like crazy!!! raining cats and dogs. then all of a sudden it stops....WTF
i guess im just spoiled with the bay area! well the trip has just started havent seen jacksonville in the day...there is a sonics out here! yeaaah buddy!
i arrive here and its a normal as it can possibly be. kinda warm, so im likin it, but humid. a little overcast, but i can see the stars.
i get here to sheenas spot and next thing you know its storming like crazy!!! raining cats and dogs. then all of a sudden it stops....WTF
i guess im just spoiled with the bay area! well the trip has just started havent seen jacksonville in the day...there is a sonics out here! yeaaah buddy!
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
VIVA ROCK VEGAS!!
i wasnt that good at compare and contrast essays back in my school-house days. i used to think i covered everything, but my bitch ass english teacher would ALWAYS find something i missed out on. or some other shit...
but today, there is no Bitch ass English teacher...jus my blog and blogger readers.
in lieu of my recent outtin to America's Playground (las vegas) i will contrast and compare the diffrences of the club scene in vegas and here in the bay, you all may think its quite obvious, but its not really.
so i went out this past weekend to las vegas to do a lil partying, do a lil gambling, DJ, and hopefully see the Paquiao fight. i did 3 of the 4. not bad. that was my first time in vegas for a fight night and things were crazy, celebs every where...not to mention Filipinos. ive been to vegas numerous times, but the whole fight night wasnt my main concern. this would be my first time to spin in las vegas. i would say my lil rise to greatness (i joke) was immediately shot to the top. every dj has dreams of spinning for a vegas crowd. i actually had that dream come true, by passing a very important step...DJing in LA.
so for the last few months, ive been refining my style and music that i play to prepare to DJ for this ultimate party crowd.
i will admit i was nervous, even though i had opening set meaing, noone would be there. my friend DDouble reassured me Vegas aint shit...and to tell u the truth, it really wasnt. so i dunno what i was trippin about. i did my thang, and didnt even go into my "vegas set" just rocked it out how i would normally do back here in the bay. NO DIFFERENCE. the owners liked me...the waitresses...i did good!
now the big difference i found about Vegas clubs and bay clubs...Vegas clubs are CHAOS outside, no line, just a clusterfuck of people. buncha douchebags run the door, and if u dont have a mohawk apparently u arent part of security. anywho people here in the bay DONT BE ANGRY for waitin in line...vs vegas...ur not even guaranteed to get in...and its FUCKIN ORGANIZED OUT HERE!!
rule #2...get bottle service. ITS WORTH IT!! even if u got the hook up. this will enshure u a place to sit. leave ur shit, and u dont gotta wait at the bar. plus, if u get a bottle, ur treated as VIP...secret bathrooms, hookups etc...its worth it!
so i was thinkin vegas was all mashups and house music...wrong...honestly theres nothing really that different. the people are all beautiful there. coming back here, i was lookin for hot chicks in their true religion jeans...definately hotter people out there. everyone here looks grumpy and ugly.
soo keep it real, vegas is our playground, but it aint different from home..except for the HOT HOT HOT chicks! back to reality!
but today, there is no Bitch ass English teacher...jus my blog and blogger readers.
in lieu of my recent outtin to America's Playground (las vegas) i will contrast and compare the diffrences of the club scene in vegas and here in the bay, you all may think its quite obvious, but its not really.
so i went out this past weekend to las vegas to do a lil partying, do a lil gambling, DJ, and hopefully see the Paquiao fight. i did 3 of the 4. not bad. that was my first time in vegas for a fight night and things were crazy, celebs every where...not to mention Filipinos. ive been to vegas numerous times, but the whole fight night wasnt my main concern. this would be my first time to spin in las vegas. i would say my lil rise to greatness (i joke) was immediately shot to the top. every dj has dreams of spinning for a vegas crowd. i actually had that dream come true, by passing a very important step...DJing in LA.
so for the last few months, ive been refining my style and music that i play to prepare to DJ for this ultimate party crowd.
i will admit i was nervous, even though i had opening set meaing, noone would be there. my friend DDouble reassured me Vegas aint shit...and to tell u the truth, it really wasnt. so i dunno what i was trippin about. i did my thang, and didnt even go into my "vegas set" just rocked it out how i would normally do back here in the bay. NO DIFFERENCE. the owners liked me...the waitresses...i did good!
now the big difference i found about Vegas clubs and bay clubs...Vegas clubs are CHAOS outside, no line, just a clusterfuck of people. buncha douchebags run the door, and if u dont have a mohawk apparently u arent part of security. anywho people here in the bay DONT BE ANGRY for waitin in line...vs vegas...ur not even guaranteed to get in...and its FUCKIN ORGANIZED OUT HERE!!
rule #2...get bottle service. ITS WORTH IT!! even if u got the hook up. this will enshure u a place to sit. leave ur shit, and u dont gotta wait at the bar. plus, if u get a bottle, ur treated as VIP...secret bathrooms, hookups etc...its worth it!
so i was thinkin vegas was all mashups and house music...wrong...honestly theres nothing really that different. the people are all beautiful there. coming back here, i was lookin for hot chicks in their true religion jeans...definately hotter people out there. everyone here looks grumpy and ugly.
soo keep it real, vegas is our playground, but it aint different from home..except for the HOT HOT HOT chicks! back to reality!
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
LETS PLAY A GAME
i honestly dont think many people read my blog. i decided to try this and see if any of you guys have connects and shit...and to kinda see how well my connex work...
i was inspired buy this movie called "my date with drew" where this dude gets to go on a date with drew barrymore.
so in attempt to make my life a little more entertaining. ive decided to try...TRY i said...to pull lunch dates with any of the following ladies:
Justene Jaro
or
Misa Campo
or
Jessica Alba
i aint trying to date them or nething like that...just a lunch date. im a fun and interesting person i think. and if it happens, i'll video blog the date and also try to video blog my mission up to it. if anyone or any of you readers can make it happen! i'd gladly like to include you all ....
lets call this...LUNCH WITH CMC
LETS GO PEOPLE!!
im serious!
i was inspired buy this movie called "my date with drew" where this dude gets to go on a date with drew barrymore.
so in attempt to make my life a little more entertaining. ive decided to try...TRY i said...to pull lunch dates with any of the following ladies:
Justene Jaro
or
Misa Campo
or
Jessica Alba
i aint trying to date them or nething like that...just a lunch date. im a fun and interesting person i think. and if it happens, i'll video blog the date and also try to video blog my mission up to it. if anyone or any of you readers can make it happen! i'd gladly like to include you all ....
lets call this...LUNCH WITH CMC
LETS GO PEOPLE!!
im serious!
2 for 1!!!
im rollin out with two topics yes too topics...and to borrow a small quote from my friend Abi's blog (girlsarethenewboys.blogspot.com)
"I TALK SHIT, I DONT HATE!"
im quite angry at the youth/young adults right now. although im not that old, but i believe ive entered the group of elder statemens after turning 26. there are all prolly reasonable explainations for their actions, but being an older, rational adult...i dont see what they see.
i have a few friends that are younger than me alot of them complain that their BF/GF has wronged them in some way. "he/she doesnt treat me right" "he/she is cheating on me" blah blah the list goes on!
i did however realize when i was in high school or early 20s why some of my female friends dated older guys...CUZ THEY WERENT AS IMMATURE AS THE DUDES THEIR OWN AGE! and i think i've reached that age of enlightenment. that doesnt mean imma start dating 18-19-20 year olds (although, if the looks work..lol) i still do prefer ladies my age or older, (side note: i realized that i dont just like married women or women with kids and for shits n giggles, i think its my longing for someone who has shown a great deal of maturity [having kids or a family, gives u a great deal of responsibility and the fact that u are pretty much forced out of your childhood/teens and into real life just shows a great deal of maturity...very sexy to me]in that sense i like my lady to be that "ms independent" payin for her own shit, not askin me LV/Juicy bags, workin me overtime for her. i want a woman with drive, knows what she wants...)
but back to my point, the reason why i brought this up, was because i was reading my friends away msg and she was complaining bout "why cant guys, just be real"
i laugh at this, while i am also frustrated. first off i am @ no way attracted to this girl, just a really good friend, like a sister to me. but i am disappointed that she feels that way. the guys i know, MY AGE! are the realest niggaz i kno. i know cuz i personally picked these peoples to hang out with. well not just my guy friends, ALL my friends. i dont surround myself with fakeness and immaturity. we may act immature but we arent immature. to my friend who wrote that, i think you need to look a little more beyond looks and first glance personalities. get to know these "guys" you know. i guaranteed they havent been thru trials and tribulations, more often than not, these guys havent seen or been thru the things mature people have. im no telling you who to hang around, but be more wise when picking your company. see then you wonder why they cheat on you...or treat you a certain way.
ahh enuff on that...part 2
i dont condone idiocracy. but one person i know, spews retardedness. im simply puttin this out there, YOU ARE AND IDIOT & NO MATTER WHAT PEOPLE SAY OR DEFEND YOU WITH, I'LL ALWAYS THINK YOU ARE ONE!! if you think im just being mean, its because you havent been thru the shit i have been thru with this person. have you ever woken up to a million meaningless questions, because they think they are conversing with you...then when u try to answer it, they dont even respond. have your found yourself having to re-repeat (you noticed i didnt just say repeat...but RE-REPEAT) certain directions or instructions...or possibly gettin responses from things like 5-a few weeks later (slow the definition of 'retard'). so i hope ive given enuff examples of this persons stoopidity! (i spelled it like that cuz they cant even spell slang correctly either) also what you dont see is that this person is highly vain and self-centered. there was a recent incident, where they were upset about something when they initially started the situation (cant get too in detail about it). i honestly dont feel sorry for this person, because, i did warn them of the reprocussions of their decsions, but still didnt heed my warnings.
ugh...to quote one of my favorite rappers "you wonder why they call you bitch" (which he said "dumb" bitch) whatever!
"I TALK SHIT, I DONT HATE!"
im quite angry at the youth/young adults right now. although im not that old, but i believe ive entered the group of elder statemens after turning 26. there are all prolly reasonable explainations for their actions, but being an older, rational adult...i dont see what they see.
i have a few friends that are younger than me alot of them complain that their BF/GF has wronged them in some way. "he/she doesnt treat me right" "he/she is cheating on me" blah blah the list goes on!
i did however realize when i was in high school or early 20s why some of my female friends dated older guys...CUZ THEY WERENT AS IMMATURE AS THE DUDES THEIR OWN AGE! and i think i've reached that age of enlightenment. that doesnt mean imma start dating 18-19-20 year olds (although, if the looks work..lol) i still do prefer ladies my age or older, (side note: i realized that i dont just like married women or women with kids and for shits n giggles, i think its my longing for someone who has shown a great deal of maturity [having kids or a family, gives u a great deal of responsibility and the fact that u are pretty much forced out of your childhood/teens and into real life just shows a great deal of maturity...very sexy to me]in that sense i like my lady to be that "ms independent" payin for her own shit, not askin me LV/Juicy bags, workin me overtime for her. i want a woman with drive, knows what she wants...)
but back to my point, the reason why i brought this up, was because i was reading my friends away msg and she was complaining bout "why cant guys, just be real"
i laugh at this, while i am also frustrated. first off i am @ no way attracted to this girl, just a really good friend, like a sister to me. but i am disappointed that she feels that way. the guys i know, MY AGE! are the realest niggaz i kno. i know cuz i personally picked these peoples to hang out with. well not just my guy friends, ALL my friends. i dont surround myself with fakeness and immaturity. we may act immature but we arent immature. to my friend who wrote that, i think you need to look a little more beyond looks and first glance personalities. get to know these "guys" you know. i guaranteed they havent been thru trials and tribulations, more often than not, these guys havent seen or been thru the things mature people have. im no telling you who to hang around, but be more wise when picking your company. see then you wonder why they cheat on you...or treat you a certain way.
ahh enuff on that...part 2
i dont condone idiocracy. but one person i know, spews retardedness. im simply puttin this out there, YOU ARE AND IDIOT & NO MATTER WHAT PEOPLE SAY OR DEFEND YOU WITH, I'LL ALWAYS THINK YOU ARE ONE!! if you think im just being mean, its because you havent been thru the shit i have been thru with this person. have you ever woken up to a million meaningless questions, because they think they are conversing with you...then when u try to answer it, they dont even respond. have your found yourself having to re-repeat (you noticed i didnt just say repeat...but RE-REPEAT) certain directions or instructions...or possibly gettin responses from things like 5-a few weeks later (slow the definition of 'retard'). so i hope ive given enuff examples of this persons stoopidity! (i spelled it like that cuz they cant even spell slang correctly either) also what you dont see is that this person is highly vain and self-centered. there was a recent incident, where they were upset about something when they initially started the situation (cant get too in detail about it). i honestly dont feel sorry for this person, because, i did warn them of the reprocussions of their decsions, but still didnt heed my warnings.
ugh...to quote one of my favorite rappers "you wonder why they call you bitch" (which he said "dumb" bitch) whatever!
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
wtf....Really CMC...Really???
i have a confession, no i didnt get anyone pregnant, nor did i committ a crime, or have an alcohol/drug problem.
here it goes....
My Name is Christian Camarillo and i have an Adult Crush on MISA CAMPO!
there i said it. i know what you guys are thinking "yay, bro..who wouldnt shes hot!" ok at first glance yea, shes pretty. very pretty. but damn, i actually got to meet her this weekend and see her in the flesh. MY GOD! and she soo nice...although our conversation was short and retarded, i was starfucked...as abi eloquently put it. well our convo went something like this:
me: "Oh my God, youre Misa Campo, hi! my name is Christian"
Misa: (shakes my hand) "Hi im Misa"
me: "my God youre Pretty...uh bye nice meeting you, bye!"
Misa: (smiling) "bye"
my heart melted! figuring we are in the same industry...i will meet her again, im pretty good at meeting people i admire in this industry. i mean just this weekend along with meeting this angel, Misa, i did meet my IDOL...the GrandMaster himself...Qbert! i can officially die now...but our conversation was similar:
me: "yo QBERT, wassup man..."
Q: "yo wassup"
me: "hi my names is christian, pleasure to meet u" (soo gay i didnt even say i was a DJ)
Q: "yeah no doubt! peace"
i kno, i kno, i said i dont get starstruck...but geez...QBERT..!!! and MISA.
well back to Misa, dont kno much info on her, I know shes part of Babe Blvd. Shes from Canada, half something something....very beautiful. oh the sucky part of my weekend, i didnt drive...so i was rushed outta myhouse, forgot my camera!!!! no pics...soo if anyone knows the info on her...how i can meet her? hollar...if ya'll can Stalk a fake Vampire...just let me have this one ok?? deal!
here it goes....
My Name is Christian Camarillo and i have an Adult Crush on MISA CAMPO!
there i said it. i know what you guys are thinking "yay, bro..who wouldnt shes hot!" ok at first glance yea, shes pretty. very pretty. but damn, i actually got to meet her this weekend and see her in the flesh. MY GOD! and she soo nice...although our conversation was short and retarded, i was starfucked...as abi eloquently put it. well our convo went something like this:
me: "Oh my God, youre Misa Campo, hi! my name is Christian"
Misa: (shakes my hand) "Hi im Misa"
me: "my God youre Pretty...uh bye nice meeting you, bye!"
Misa: (smiling) "bye"
my heart melted! figuring we are in the same industry...i will meet her again, im pretty good at meeting people i admire in this industry. i mean just this weekend along with meeting this angel, Misa, i did meet my IDOL...the GrandMaster himself...Qbert! i can officially die now...but our conversation was similar:
me: "yo QBERT, wassup man..."
Q: "yo wassup"
me: "hi my names is christian, pleasure to meet u" (soo gay i didnt even say i was a DJ)
Q: "yeah no doubt! peace"
i kno, i kno, i said i dont get starstruck...but geez...QBERT..!!! and MISA.
well back to Misa, dont kno much info on her, I know shes part of Babe Blvd. Shes from Canada, half something something....very beautiful. oh the sucky part of my weekend, i didnt drive...so i was rushed outta myhouse, forgot my camera!!!! no pics...soo if anyone knows the info on her...how i can meet her? hollar...if ya'll can Stalk a fake Vampire...just let me have this one ok?? deal!
Thursday, April 2, 2009
HERES A LIST OF MY FAVORITE SMELLS!
-bacon
-fresh baked/ing cookies
-gasoline
-womens shampoo
-pink (the perfume)
-cotton candy
-strippers
-new car smell
-grilled onions
-new shoes
-BBQ
-Johnson and Johnson's baby lotion
-"meadows and rain"
-watermelon scents (or melon scents)
-cooking turkey
-fresh waffles
-new money
-burned/fresh lit matches
-black and milds
-fresh baked/ing cookies
-gasoline
-womens shampoo
-pink (the perfume)
-cotton candy
-strippers
-new car smell
-grilled onions
-new shoes
-BBQ
-Johnson and Johnson's baby lotion
-"meadows and rain"
-watermelon scents (or melon scents)
-cooking turkey
-fresh waffles
-new money
-burned/fresh lit matches
-black and milds
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
TOP 10 ALBUMS THAT INFLUENCED ME...
as a dj, my storied past can be told thru the music i listened to or am listening too. here are some album that influenced me in life and my dj career. no particular order...
1. Zion I - "mind over matter"
this is prolly the first album from a local artist that i full enjoyed that wasnt about violence, drugs, or wild'n out. dont get me wrong, i listent to hiero, but this album was the 1st where i can just sit and listen to the whole thing, beats n all!this album opened me up to more than just commercial radio n beats!
2. Warren G - "regulators"
the first rap album i purchased with my own money. since it was my first i listened to every track, plus the skip button on my disc man didnt work. but i memorized every lyric and skit on this cd
3.Kanye West - "Graduation"
kanyes use of sampling always caught my ear, with this cd, he also brought style and fashion which he is now persuing, music and style go hand n hand like peas n carrots
4.R.Kelly - "12 play"
musical sex...need i say more?
5.Daft Punk - "Homework"
my first take on electronic/techno/dance...i loved it and still do, along with their follow ups. BEST SONG ON HERE..."dafunk"
6.Green Day "dookie"
outta left field, but its some local boys, who played good music...and look at them now!! good lyrics good music
7.SOUNDBOMBING 2 -
the best collection of MCees squaring off. also another CD i can listen from end to end
8. Tablib Kweli "beautiful struggle"
one of my favorite artist, displaying mic control!!!
9. Krupt - "the streets is a mutha"
who knew krupt had flows...well he does shits hella catchy
10. New Found Glory - Covers
dunno if this was really a CD, but i downloaded all their covers of pop, rap, slow jam songs. all played with a punk like energy. something i enjoy...i like hearing songs in a different like...like remixes and mashups!
1. Zion I - "mind over matter"
this is prolly the first album from a local artist that i full enjoyed that wasnt about violence, drugs, or wild'n out. dont get me wrong, i listent to hiero, but this album was the 1st where i can just sit and listen to the whole thing, beats n all!this album opened me up to more than just commercial radio n beats!
2. Warren G - "regulators"
the first rap album i purchased with my own money. since it was my first i listened to every track, plus the skip button on my disc man didnt work. but i memorized every lyric and skit on this cd
3.Kanye West - "Graduation"
kanyes use of sampling always caught my ear, with this cd, he also brought style and fashion which he is now persuing, music and style go hand n hand like peas n carrots
4.R.Kelly - "12 play"
musical sex...need i say more?
5.Daft Punk - "Homework"
my first take on electronic/techno/dance...i loved it and still do, along with their follow ups. BEST SONG ON HERE..."dafunk"
6.Green Day "dookie"
outta left field, but its some local boys, who played good music...and look at them now!! good lyrics good music
7.SOUNDBOMBING 2 -
the best collection of MCees squaring off. also another CD i can listen from end to end
8. Tablib Kweli "beautiful struggle"
one of my favorite artist, displaying mic control!!!
9. Krupt - "the streets is a mutha"
who knew krupt had flows...well he does shits hella catchy
10. New Found Glory - Covers
dunno if this was really a CD, but i downloaded all their covers of pop, rap, slow jam songs. all played with a punk like energy. something i enjoy...i like hearing songs in a different like...like remixes and mashups!
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
take tragedy to triumph....make music thats fire
i talked to my cousin. yea i appologize if i seemed bitter. but really, this is like my therapy. i found that im the happy when im djing, its my release. something i can control. and i'd like to think that im good at it. atleast im not out gettin wasted or doing blow off some hookers ass. it wasnt like directed towards you or nething, more like a conglomerate of feelings towards relationships. in a sense i got a lot of good feedback, hella guys were feeling that mix.
i very do miss hanging out like we used to and keep it all kosher. honestly i thought i was cool, but like you said i cant help my feelings. and they just got the better of me. and if it seems real dire to me, its because you're really important to me as a friend and i dont like letting people down. especially someone as close as you. i assure you, things will be back to normal. whatever normal is to us. i guess i need to just re-ease back into things.
you are very important to me and very important in my life, i wouldnt not want to fuck that up in anyway. which is prolly the main reason why i held off telling you how i felt. i didnt want to disrupt the peace. but whats life if u cant shake it up a lil bit. anyway i miss you, i miss talkin to you. and please forgive me but im trying.
i very do miss hanging out like we used to and keep it all kosher. honestly i thought i was cool, but like you said i cant help my feelings. and they just got the better of me. and if it seems real dire to me, its because you're really important to me as a friend and i dont like letting people down. especially someone as close as you. i assure you, things will be back to normal. whatever normal is to us. i guess i need to just re-ease back into things.
you are very important to me and very important in my life, i wouldnt not want to fuck that up in anyway. which is prolly the main reason why i held off telling you how i felt. i didnt want to disrupt the peace. but whats life if u cant shake it up a lil bit. anyway i miss you, i miss talkin to you. and please forgive me but im trying.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
is it possible to be surrounded but alone...yes
why is it, as i was reassured by a friend of mines, can i feel so alone, when he said that "you have a lot of people that love you". yet i feel so alone right now. and the only person who i feel close to is 1000s of miles away?
it kinda goes back to my previous blog (which im retracting). i cant fit in with ya'll cuz i dont drink. im jUst a sober mess @ these events you guys are all at. example, i really shouldnt have went out on vday. like can give two shits about valentines day, but i was persuaded to come out because it "would be fun". fun for ya'll but a horrible reminder of how lonely and misrable i really am. its like this whole time ive been suppressin the fact that im not happy, with anything. i'll admit, i have had small bursts of happiness with the small victories of the day, week, month. but now its fleetin and abandoning me. my best friend, no matter how shitty my situation would be could alway make me feel better, and now shes miles away. and i kno you read this, but the second person on the list that would give an ounce of sunshine, im trying to avoid. (i kno im retarded) (i thought i was ready to face the music, but its obvious, im not just yet)...
so i was talkin to skooter, and he says that i'll be ok. will i really? i was talkin to basil...he said the same thing, i'll be fine. whatever...what if the fact is i was never better from the time before.
i dont want to come off as insensitive. but i also found out some other bad news within my circle of friends. and i dont want to sound insensitive to their issue, but mine issue has been on going.
the only bright side ive had this weekend is that i discovered that DJ is the only thing that will keep me distracted from the rigors of life. mixtress let me mix for a few mins on saturday and i couldnt care less of what was going on. but after that i ended up just sulking in the corner by myself.
all in all, i dont kno whats wrong with me. i live too far from everyone, no one pays random visits to me. i have to go to them, and to me thats like crawling to them. honestly i dont want to feel this way. no one does, but no one will ever know the gravity of my situation. i kno you are all trying to help when u say i'll be ok, or "im going thru the same thing". are you really? say similar, dont say same...cuz ive been dealin with whatever my whole life and everyone just expects me to be happy and optimistic. some times thats just a burden i cant carry anymore. i just put a mask on, when really deep down inside im battling trying to cope with whatever is bothering me at the moment. its gotten so bad i cant even trust my feelings.
well we'll see what happens to me. i honestly dont know.
irritated:
back to my music. im workin really hard to make a name for myself in this town. im pretty shure you all agree. but just cuz i didnt grow up in SF and have the same friends they all these big people in the industry have, its extra harder for me to get up and out! its no ones fault really, you are naturally gonna help your friends. if i ever get that big, i would do the same. but the thing is alot of these people kno who i am, they recognize the skill, yet, they dont give me that shot, to them im just some kid, hanging around their heels, lookin for table scraps. ive been doin this longer than some of the weak ass niggas that are out there. when i got in this industry, i knew NO ONE...i had no friends DJing @ radio stations or any big groups. i had a few cousins, who were long done with that scene. even then, i still had to prove myself, without using their names. im not saying im the only one whos done this. but shit, give some people a shot. my venues arent that big, but i rock tha shit outta them. fuckit, as i always said, my success will be my revenge!
fuck the world keep living!
it kinda goes back to my previous blog (which im retracting). i cant fit in with ya'll cuz i dont drink. im jUst a sober mess @ these events you guys are all at. example, i really shouldnt have went out on vday. like can give two shits about valentines day, but i was persuaded to come out because it "would be fun". fun for ya'll but a horrible reminder of how lonely and misrable i really am. its like this whole time ive been suppressin the fact that im not happy, with anything. i'll admit, i have had small bursts of happiness with the small victories of the day, week, month. but now its fleetin and abandoning me. my best friend, no matter how shitty my situation would be could alway make me feel better, and now shes miles away. and i kno you read this, but the second person on the list that would give an ounce of sunshine, im trying to avoid. (i kno im retarded) (i thought i was ready to face the music, but its obvious, im not just yet)...
so i was talkin to skooter, and he says that i'll be ok. will i really? i was talkin to basil...he said the same thing, i'll be fine. whatever...what if the fact is i was never better from the time before.
i dont want to come off as insensitive. but i also found out some other bad news within my circle of friends. and i dont want to sound insensitive to their issue, but mine issue has been on going.
the only bright side ive had this weekend is that i discovered that DJ is the only thing that will keep me distracted from the rigors of life. mixtress let me mix for a few mins on saturday and i couldnt care less of what was going on. but after that i ended up just sulking in the corner by myself.
all in all, i dont kno whats wrong with me. i live too far from everyone, no one pays random visits to me. i have to go to them, and to me thats like crawling to them. honestly i dont want to feel this way. no one does, but no one will ever know the gravity of my situation. i kno you are all trying to help when u say i'll be ok, or "im going thru the same thing". are you really? say similar, dont say same...cuz ive been dealin with whatever my whole life and everyone just expects me to be happy and optimistic. some times thats just a burden i cant carry anymore. i just put a mask on, when really deep down inside im battling trying to cope with whatever is bothering me at the moment. its gotten so bad i cant even trust my feelings.
well we'll see what happens to me. i honestly dont know.
irritated:
back to my music. im workin really hard to make a name for myself in this town. im pretty shure you all agree. but just cuz i didnt grow up in SF and have the same friends they all these big people in the industry have, its extra harder for me to get up and out! its no ones fault really, you are naturally gonna help your friends. if i ever get that big, i would do the same. but the thing is alot of these people kno who i am, they recognize the skill, yet, they dont give me that shot, to them im just some kid, hanging around their heels, lookin for table scraps. ive been doin this longer than some of the weak ass niggas that are out there. when i got in this industry, i knew NO ONE...i had no friends DJing @ radio stations or any big groups. i had a few cousins, who were long done with that scene. even then, i still had to prove myself, without using their names. im not saying im the only one whos done this. but shit, give some people a shot. my venues arent that big, but i rock tha shit outta them. fuckit, as i always said, my success will be my revenge!
fuck the world keep living!
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
things change....
so i decided im NOT that fun, without being under some kinda influnce. so i decided to lift the NON drinkin ban on myself. im not gonna get blasted every weekend. but i'll have a sippy sip here and there. i'll only get smashed on these few occations: im in Las Vegas, with sheena in Jacksonville, Chicago, Mexico, ok anywhere im traveling. or some big event...like my birthday. only acceptions, but im still prolly not gonna drink regularly, so dont try to bribe me with drinks...
i will eat a cookie tho...
i will eat a cookie tho...
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
Thursday, January 15, 2009
the scientist - coldplay
Come up to meet you,
tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you
Tell you I need you
Tell you I've set you apart
Tell me your secrets
And ask me your questions
Oh, let's go back to the start
Running in circles
Coming up tails
Heads on the science apart
Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start
I was just guessing
At numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzles apart
Questions of science
Science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart
Oh tell me you love me
Come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles
Chasing our tails
Coming back as we are
Nobody said it was easy
Oh, it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I’m going back to the start
tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you
Tell you I need you
Tell you I've set you apart
Tell me your secrets
And ask me your questions
Oh, let's go back to the start
Running in circles
Coming up tails
Heads on the science apart
Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start
I was just guessing
At numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzles apart
Questions of science
Science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart
Oh tell me you love me
Come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles
Chasing our tails
Coming back as we are
Nobody said it was easy
Oh, it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I’m going back to the start
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
...and i still havent found, what im looking for...
im no bitch. im no punk, im not an idiot, im nobodys fool.
what lays ahead of me is a long, bumpy journey. sadly, ive been down this road before. numbness. im worried for myself. how long, how much longer. but its not even a question bout time. everyone hopes for the best of me, but when will i just give up hope? giving up just seems the best way to deal with anything, but why the hell do i still proceed. resilient? brandon told me i was resilient...am i? a close friend once told me that, you cant just settle. settle for anything. i'd like to believe that i never ever had to just settle when it came to important descisions in my life. why sell yourself short? right? why is it then when the thing that i want, whole-heartedly, i long for, that burns me from within...is my shortcoming? my character flaw...is b right? am i focusing my time too much on that that escapes me? my happiness, depends on others? can this be true? searching thru myself the last few days, ive learned there is some truth to it. as long as my friends are happy, i'll be content. cant say happy, only cuz deep down, i wish i could be as happy as they are. but i'll be happy for them that they found something that keeps them content. something that takes their mind of other things that plague their life. you may say it. but do you guys wish that kind of happiness for me? im the type of person that will bleed for you, you call me your friend, show me that i am your friend...i will show you how much you mean to me. i kno there is never a straight answer for anything in life. but at times like this i just wish that there were. i just wish that a switch could just turn off the pain and anguish. there are times when i just want to give up, but i have this everlasting, fighting spirt in me. what am i dumb? am i too optimistic? do i hope that the world is as resilient and hopeful as me? i wish...but i dont know. all i can hope for are the warm longing arms of time. time. please forgive me, if im not happy. i know you understand. im just hoping that time will help me get thru this. but to please you i will. dont take to offense what im saying. its just a way i deal with things, i write it down. helps me search my life....but i still havent found what im looking for.
what lays ahead of me is a long, bumpy journey. sadly, ive been down this road before. numbness. im worried for myself. how long, how much longer. but its not even a question bout time. everyone hopes for the best of me, but when will i just give up hope? giving up just seems the best way to deal with anything, but why the hell do i still proceed. resilient? brandon told me i was resilient...am i? a close friend once told me that, you cant just settle. settle for anything. i'd like to believe that i never ever had to just settle when it came to important descisions in my life. why sell yourself short? right? why is it then when the thing that i want, whole-heartedly, i long for, that burns me from within...is my shortcoming? my character flaw...is b right? am i focusing my time too much on that that escapes me? my happiness, depends on others? can this be true? searching thru myself the last few days, ive learned there is some truth to it. as long as my friends are happy, i'll be content. cant say happy, only cuz deep down, i wish i could be as happy as they are. but i'll be happy for them that they found something that keeps them content. something that takes their mind of other things that plague their life. you may say it. but do you guys wish that kind of happiness for me? im the type of person that will bleed for you, you call me your friend, show me that i am your friend...i will show you how much you mean to me. i kno there is never a straight answer for anything in life. but at times like this i just wish that there were. i just wish that a switch could just turn off the pain and anguish. there are times when i just want to give up, but i have this everlasting, fighting spirt in me. what am i dumb? am i too optimistic? do i hope that the world is as resilient and hopeful as me? i wish...but i dont know. all i can hope for are the warm longing arms of time. time. please forgive me, if im not happy. i know you understand. im just hoping that time will help me get thru this. but to please you i will. dont take to offense what im saying. its just a way i deal with things, i write it down. helps me search my life....but i still havent found what im looking for.
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