christmas is next week , ive only bought 2 presents...and still got a shit load more to get. once again i'd like to explain about my gift giving practices. i really dont expect to get anything for xmas. actually i got the best present ever for my birthday this year, all my good friends came out to celebrate my birthday last night, i had fun at that and was very happy. then again...i dont expect anything cuz usually the stuff i want has no monetary value...or has really HIGH monetary value. just hanging out with me, is gift enuff, but if u do want to get me something, get me something that i can use, like i can use some gloves cuz its cold as shit now. i also do like personalized things. in that sense, please dont feel that you are required to get me anything if i got you something. and if that present i got you was a lil expensive. its prolly cuz it was and you mean alot to me, so you deserve it! and always remember if i can afford it, i'll get it for you, so dont worry im not dippin into my "college" fund or anything, its in my budget! the best present you guys can ever get me, is just spending time with me....honestly. or even GO TO SOME OF MY GIGS!
with that said
so its come that time that i do my year in review. cant say that this year has been a learning year, but my whole life has be a learning experience. i think i just had to deal with more adult situations this year. different experiences different ways of dealing with them. thats the only way i can really put it.
some say ive been un-nessesarily stressin myself, which can be true to an extent, but as i think of it, it wouldnt be as important to me if i wasnt stressing thru it. all in all, i can SIT here and say that i made it thru and that old saying that runs thru my head repeats: "nothing in this life is that hard".
dont get me wrong this year wasnt a year for complaining and issues....ive had soo much fun and success this year.
nothing recessed. my djing gigs got better, my relationships with the right people got closer, i found out who my real friends are...
its been a great life, i really shouldnt complain. about anything, its my life and should be lived as how i want to live it, not for anyone else.
in the relationship department, i fell in love with someone. i really only wanted to see where it could go...but that developed into love. not a day goes by where i dont think bout her. im trying my best to hide it, havent told her. im guessing she has a clue cuz shes a smart girl. i enjoy my time that im with her, i try to soak up every moment. i love when i get texts or calls from her about her day. i just hope she feels the same way. but like i said im terrified to say something, just cuz shes such a good friend and i wouldnt want to lose that or mess that up. but we'll see, im aiming to say something before the end of the year. i dont want to bulid myself up on this, but its just something ive been puttin off for too long.
soo i look forward to a good year this year, look forward to gettin better gigs, traveling some more, and going to disneyworld for the first time. i like to go into each year with a positive attitude and that makes all the difference. i hope i made a lasting impact on all your lives this year, i hope i was the friend you want me to be or expected me to be. if not i'll try harder. take care, merry christmas and happy new year!
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Monday, December 15, 2008
Lonely at the top....
but its crowded at the bottom....
fuck it, if i gotta do this alone i'll fuckin do it!
grudges are overrated indeed, if you want to fucks with it...holla at me...we can fucks with it...
im moving on...with or without any of you.
everyone GROW THE FUCK UP!
one-HUNDRED
fuck it, if i gotta do this alone i'll fuckin do it!
grudges are overrated indeed, if you want to fucks with it...holla at me...we can fucks with it...
im moving on...with or without any of you.
everyone GROW THE FUCK UP!
one-HUNDRED
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
SEX, LIES, AND VIDEOTA...uh...DVDs
i will attempt to write this as professional sounding and whitty as i can be, but if i stray please excuse me.
if theres anything i hate most in life...is when people lie to me. or lying in general. as many of you close friends of mine know, id rather face the music as its playing versus hearing it after the smoke has settled. it could involve many things, business, personal, relationship. tell me up front, i would like to think that im the type of person anyone can talk to. but sometimes, not often, im told that people are afraid to tell me things or disclose info, because of my reaction. but the werid irony in all this, is often im afraid to tell disclose info often because of that reason also, not knowing the outcome. im workin on trying not to be like that, but i am always open to be told something, then i can disagree with you after. but i like dealing with things in the front and worst of all is eventually hearing the truth from someone else. it hurts even more if that person you consider a close friend, but basically my point is. i dont being lied to and i usually have a hunch about it.....
now branchin off....i dont like shit talked behind my back. AS MUCH as i hate being lied to...or even being ignored...EVERYONE has resentment for someone talkin behind your back. its a bad idea to do it with me, because i have peoples everywhere AND I WILL find out.
with that said. i do not appreciate people who are all talk. talk talk talk....in certain situations in my life ive encountered these people that society considers "flakers". when u say you kno someone or you're gonna do something...AROUND ME YOU BETTER FUCKIN DO IT. as ive repeated many times, i once had this friend, who taught me that to be more of a man of my word, rather than a man of my speak. say you gonna do something. better do it! eventually i learned that he was the biggest woofer in the world (lier). there was another werid irony with that too, someone who prolly taught me one of the best lessons in life, actually turned out to be the opposite of what he was preaching. real life example: if u say you know someone and blah blah blah they wanna give u a handjob...blah blah and ya'll are gay for each other...dont u think you get their name? especially if they are somewhat important to what you are doing. SECOND: if you say you know someone and that you guys are cool and talk all the time....why is it when your name is brought up...they have NO idea who u are....they dont even give me that fake ass "oh wait, yea i think ive heard of them" speach. when they just straight up say "who?". THAT IS NOT KNOWING SOMEONE.
i dont wanna name drop and such....but im not...but a recent outtin i had in San Jose...i was introduced as "hey (insert famous name here), this is (insert another famous name) FRIEND". and i dont care if they were lying or not....but i got that bullshit answer of "oh yea man, ive heard of you...blah blah blah". generic answer, but it wasnt even like..."who" what do u do? this person of some sort of fame, knew who i was and knew what i did.
example: when i got back into clubs. and i was spinnin at club NV....some strange lil girl came up to me @ the dj booth. "both saying, hey i know you....you're pretty good!" lets face it, i just got back into djing....so i wasnt the shit or nething. but apparently i was...."so she goes you're CMC right?" any who that girl turned out to be the Mixtress.
so in recent events in my life...and business. ive found that some people just consider this business a joke. joking around. i kno i said id keep it light. but ive seen the light, ive seen the potential. and we all gotta tighten our belts. if ya'll arent ready, you see the door. also theres alot of people here that believe that they have authority over me. i have final say in anything...and everyone DOES NOT...REPEAT DOES NOT NEED TO BE KNOWING WHAT IM DOING. so DONT BE MAD, when one of YOUR FRIENDS come to me to talk business, cuz obviously you dont got that game...like my cuz said, i appologize right now that i got sooo much game!
with that said. i also dont like when some aquaintances talk shit about my REAL friends. forreal. i resepect my true friends for having my back and respecting my decisions in the group, life whatever. i already kno who my real friends are. and who the fake ones were. so i really dont appreciate ya'll talkin shit TO my friends over some shit YOU didnt do. just talk shit about me and you'll see who has my back. which is something i cant control or hold back. cant blame my friends and family for what they wanna do to you, SO PRAY...PRAY THEY DONT FIND OUT.
uh...so pissed...i'll get over it.
if theres anything i hate most in life...is when people lie to me. or lying in general. as many of you close friends of mine know, id rather face the music as its playing versus hearing it after the smoke has settled. it could involve many things, business, personal, relationship. tell me up front, i would like to think that im the type of person anyone can talk to. but sometimes, not often, im told that people are afraid to tell me things or disclose info, because of my reaction. but the werid irony in all this, is often im afraid to tell disclose info often because of that reason also, not knowing the outcome. im workin on trying not to be like that, but i am always open to be told something, then i can disagree with you after. but i like dealing with things in the front and worst of all is eventually hearing the truth from someone else. it hurts even more if that person you consider a close friend, but basically my point is. i dont being lied to and i usually have a hunch about it.....
now branchin off....i dont like shit talked behind my back. AS MUCH as i hate being lied to...or even being ignored...EVERYONE has resentment for someone talkin behind your back. its a bad idea to do it with me, because i have peoples everywhere AND I WILL find out.
with that said. i do not appreciate people who are all talk. talk talk talk....in certain situations in my life ive encountered these people that society considers "flakers". when u say you kno someone or you're gonna do something...AROUND ME YOU BETTER FUCKIN DO IT. as ive repeated many times, i once had this friend, who taught me that to be more of a man of my word, rather than a man of my speak. say you gonna do something. better do it! eventually i learned that he was the biggest woofer in the world (lier). there was another werid irony with that too, someone who prolly taught me one of the best lessons in life, actually turned out to be the opposite of what he was preaching. real life example: if u say you know someone and blah blah blah they wanna give u a handjob...blah blah and ya'll are gay for each other...dont u think you get their name? especially if they are somewhat important to what you are doing. SECOND: if you say you know someone and that you guys are cool and talk all the time....why is it when your name is brought up...they have NO idea who u are....they dont even give me that fake ass "oh wait, yea i think ive heard of them" speach. when they just straight up say "who?". THAT IS NOT KNOWING SOMEONE.
i dont wanna name drop and such....but im not...but a recent outtin i had in San Jose...i was introduced as "hey (insert famous name here), this is (insert another famous name) FRIEND". and i dont care if they were lying or not....but i got that bullshit answer of "oh yea man, ive heard of you...blah blah blah". generic answer, but it wasnt even like..."who" what do u do? this person of some sort of fame, knew who i was and knew what i did.
example: when i got back into clubs. and i was spinnin at club NV....some strange lil girl came up to me @ the dj booth. "both saying, hey i know you....you're pretty good!" lets face it, i just got back into djing....so i wasnt the shit or nething. but apparently i was...."so she goes you're CMC right?" any who that girl turned out to be the Mixtress.
so in recent events in my life...and business. ive found that some people just consider this business a joke. joking around. i kno i said id keep it light. but ive seen the light, ive seen the potential. and we all gotta tighten our belts. if ya'll arent ready, you see the door. also theres alot of people here that believe that they have authority over me. i have final say in anything...and everyone DOES NOT...REPEAT DOES NOT NEED TO BE KNOWING WHAT IM DOING. so DONT BE MAD, when one of YOUR FRIENDS come to me to talk business, cuz obviously you dont got that game...like my cuz said, i appologize right now that i got sooo much game!
with that said. i also dont like when some aquaintances talk shit about my REAL friends. forreal. i resepect my true friends for having my back and respecting my decisions in the group, life whatever. i already kno who my real friends are. and who the fake ones were. so i really dont appreciate ya'll talkin shit TO my friends over some shit YOU didnt do. just talk shit about me and you'll see who has my back. which is something i cant control or hold back. cant blame my friends and family for what they wanna do to you, SO PRAY...PRAY THEY DONT FIND OUT.
uh...so pissed...i'll get over it.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Baby its cold outside....
so this morning i was listening to "baby its cold outside" on koit. this song sounds very much like a predator song. so if ya'll havent heard it, its a duet with a man and woman. and the guy is trying to get the girl to stay at his place a lil longer. and if u havent heard it hes laying it on thick!!! my issue is, that she says that her mother would worry. if shes an older, wouldnt her mom NOT care. so im thinkin this is a young girl and this is some creepy old doode trying to seduce her. haha none the less i like the song still.
so the holidays are in full swing. if you dont kno, i love the holidays, not cuz of the fact of all the gifts you get, (which i dont)...just reminds me of all the better times way back when CMC was just lower-case cmc. so this past black FRIEDay...i went to the mall, later in the day, to avoid the crowds. boy i was wrong. but, i shopped for myself. bought me a brand new BLACKBERRY BOLD. best fuckin choice of phone i could have gotten. shouts to Harold, for hookin it up.
lately ive been pondering this quote someone once told me "people say you cant do something are just admitting that they cant do it themselves." basically saying, peoples that say you cant be this person or you cant do that, are basically saying they themselves can acheive it, so they try to bring you down to their level in saying that. i think ive become a more positive person as ive grown. i will admit, there is some shit i still cant face. but im fight to try to do it. i try not to have "i cant" in my venacular. i was having a convo with Abi, just now, about this club 33 bizz out in disneyland. if ya'll dont kno, im fuckin a big ass fan of disneyland/disney all that. im gay for disney basically. theres this exclusive club in disneyland thats just for ballerific peoples, and i told her we're going one day. ya'll kno i aint ballerific right NOW. but one day, i'll take her there....hahaha i think she thinks i was joking. but if ya'll kno me if i say something, i USUALLY go thru with it. might not be immediately, but it will happen. its werid i learned this from a friend thats no longer my friend. he told me the one thing that he despised was people who flaked or people who talked the talk, but never walked it! i try my best to do what i say imma do. i dont kno my plan of attack at the moment, but it'll happen.
merry christian ya'll!
so the holidays are in full swing. if you dont kno, i love the holidays, not cuz of the fact of all the gifts you get, (which i dont)...just reminds me of all the better times way back when CMC was just lower-case cmc. so this past black FRIEDay...i went to the mall, later in the day, to avoid the crowds. boy i was wrong. but, i shopped for myself. bought me a brand new BLACKBERRY BOLD. best fuckin choice of phone i could have gotten. shouts to Harold, for hookin it up.
lately ive been pondering this quote someone once told me "people say you cant do something are just admitting that they cant do it themselves." basically saying, peoples that say you cant be this person or you cant do that, are basically saying they themselves can acheive it, so they try to bring you down to their level in saying that. i think ive become a more positive person as ive grown. i will admit, there is some shit i still cant face. but im fight to try to do it. i try not to have "i cant" in my venacular. i was having a convo with Abi, just now, about this club 33 bizz out in disneyland. if ya'll dont kno, im fuckin a big ass fan of disneyland/disney all that. im gay for disney basically. theres this exclusive club in disneyland thats just for ballerific peoples, and i told her we're going one day. ya'll kno i aint ballerific right NOW. but one day, i'll take her there....hahaha i think she thinks i was joking. but if ya'll kno me if i say something, i USUALLY go thru with it. might not be immediately, but it will happen. its werid i learned this from a friend thats no longer my friend. he told me the one thing that he despised was people who flaked or people who talked the talk, but never walked it! i try my best to do what i say imma do. i dont kno my plan of attack at the moment, but it'll happen.
merry christian ya'll!
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
aside from the fact...
that ur rhymes are wack...HAHAHAA!
(i used to use that line when i freestyle battled peoples)
THANKS-IS-A-GIVING!! the 2008 PRE-NYE REVIEW
this has been a great year, aside from the few lil pests and speed bumps in the way. but what i learned from those speed bumps, is that it grounds me. if i get over inflated, it takes me back down to earth to realize that i need to be a lil more humble. but over all its has been a great year, i took my group to new levels, ive gotten recognition as a DJ now...im just not some faceless name on a flyer. and it feels good....to a point. dont get me wrong im 100 % thankful for all that has happened. but honestly it feels like nuttin without someone to share it with.
as ive told many people before, who say "man i envy you" or "dude you are soo cool cuz you hang out with all these chicks" true. i love these girls, but these girls are just...my friends. i aint bangin any of them, the most action i can get from these girls is prolly a kiss...or a tity or ass grab..haha (though i face adversity, i still can laugh at myself) not to bring down the mood, but I LOVE the holidays. i love getting together with family and friends talkin bout nuttin at all. sittin next to fireplaces as christmas music plays in the backgroud, sippin hotchocolate as the lil kids play with their new toys, looking at the table fixed with the traditional Turkey and ham and even the not soo traditionan Pancit. i LOVE it I LOVE IT ALL. even if im opening one present...or 10. i dont care, the feelin of the holidays hit me hard!
all except one. this is prolly the only thing i really can complain about. i touched on it on a previous blog, the lonely factor. i ask for stuff every year, im i honestly dont expect to get any of it. which softens the blow when i actually dont get any of it. hahaha. but ive always wanted someone to share the holidays with. when i hang out with my friends and family, they all have significant others. and then theres single ass christian. they all exchange presents and i usually get something nice from my parents but they all get things they all want. dont get its twisted im not complaining that i dont get presents and shit, cuz i do. but to me giving and watching someone you love, happy absolutely happy, that they received what they wanted. none the less from you. if u recieve something from me, believe me its because i put thought into it. my gift is the reaction you get when u open something from me. i always say, cost doesnt matter to me, as long as i myself can afford it. im practical...im not gonna buy you a car unless i can afford it. get the point.
but what im really saying is that each year i ask for basically the same thing, material goods. but deep down im hoping for a girlfriend...someone i can enjoy the holidays with and practically the rest of the year. all im saying it would be nice. please excuse the gay moment: but watching this wedding video a friend sent me got me thinking, "when will i have that and be that happy?" lets face it, everyone says im young, but life doesnt work that way, you get older....i think the repeated mis-steps ive had in life with relationships is finally breaking me down. im losing hope and it is fading fast...
Thank you all for being a part(y) of my life this year. im thankful i have all of you in my life. lets look foward in having a great holiday season and a great new year approaching!
(i used to use that line when i freestyle battled peoples)
THANKS-IS-A-GIVING!! the 2008 PRE-NYE REVIEW
this has been a great year, aside from the few lil pests and speed bumps in the way. but what i learned from those speed bumps, is that it grounds me. if i get over inflated, it takes me back down to earth to realize that i need to be a lil more humble. but over all its has been a great year, i took my group to new levels, ive gotten recognition as a DJ now...im just not some faceless name on a flyer. and it feels good....to a point. dont get me wrong im 100 % thankful for all that has happened. but honestly it feels like nuttin without someone to share it with.
as ive told many people before, who say "man i envy you" or "dude you are soo cool cuz you hang out with all these chicks" true. i love these girls, but these girls are just...my friends. i aint bangin any of them, the most action i can get from these girls is prolly a kiss...or a tity or ass grab..haha (though i face adversity, i still can laugh at myself) not to bring down the mood, but I LOVE the holidays. i love getting together with family and friends talkin bout nuttin at all. sittin next to fireplaces as christmas music plays in the backgroud, sippin hotchocolate as the lil kids play with their new toys, looking at the table fixed with the traditional Turkey and ham and even the not soo traditionan Pancit. i LOVE it I LOVE IT ALL. even if im opening one present...or 10. i dont care, the feelin of the holidays hit me hard!
all except one. this is prolly the only thing i really can complain about. i touched on it on a previous blog, the lonely factor. i ask for stuff every year, im i honestly dont expect to get any of it. which softens the blow when i actually dont get any of it. hahaha. but ive always wanted someone to share the holidays with. when i hang out with my friends and family, they all have significant others. and then theres single ass christian. they all exchange presents and i usually get something nice from my parents but they all get things they all want. dont get its twisted im not complaining that i dont get presents and shit, cuz i do. but to me giving and watching someone you love, happy absolutely happy, that they received what they wanted. none the less from you. if u recieve something from me, believe me its because i put thought into it. my gift is the reaction you get when u open something from me. i always say, cost doesnt matter to me, as long as i myself can afford it. im practical...im not gonna buy you a car unless i can afford it. get the point.
but what im really saying is that each year i ask for basically the same thing, material goods. but deep down im hoping for a girlfriend...someone i can enjoy the holidays with and practically the rest of the year. all im saying it would be nice. please excuse the gay moment: but watching this wedding video a friend sent me got me thinking, "when will i have that and be that happy?" lets face it, everyone says im young, but life doesnt work that way, you get older....i think the repeated mis-steps ive had in life with relationships is finally breaking me down. im losing hope and it is fading fast...
Thank you all for being a part(y) of my life this year. im thankful i have all of you in my life. lets look foward in having a great holiday season and a great new year approaching!
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Back then.....
its werid....
back then the girls that i thought in high school who had big tits.......really didnt have BIG TITS...
and the girls i thought were sooooo HOT.....cant hold a candle to the girls i know now....
go figure....
"back then hoes didnt want me, now im hot hoes all on me!"
moral of this story....girls have big tits and look fuckin hot!
back then the girls that i thought in high school who had big tits.......really didnt have BIG TITS...
and the girls i thought were sooooo HOT.....cant hold a candle to the girls i know now....
go figure....
"back then hoes didnt want me, now im hot hoes all on me!"
moral of this story....girls have big tits and look fuckin hot!
LATE NIGHT RANTS....2:40AM
i cant sleep. so in this attempt im trying to think and write of the most delirious stuff just off the top of my head, imma just keep writing and flowing. so it might not make sense or it might. who knows.
here we go:
im generally a friendly person, but i really dont like when people prejudge who i am. by lookin at me. fuckin talk to me first, i had this incident, which i could totally be taking out of context, but at a club event, i was simply waitin for my friends who are gogo dancers to get dressed. saw them in the room ALL FULLY DRESSED. so i stuck my head in the room and said a kinda "lets fuckin make like a tree and get the fuck outta here" another gogo, who shall remain nameless comes up behind me and repeats in a ticked off tone or like an irritated tone "Really...really? come on now really?"...no i dunno what the fuck was going on but imma take that as disrespect. FUCK HER. she dont kno me, plus everyone in that room was a friend of mine. SO FUCK YOU...even tho shes was damn hot and her body was bangin 9 ways from sunday. FUCK YOU. but then again she coulda been talkin bout something else.
i guess i have the issue about assuming things to be incorrect. sometimes im right some times im wrong, but i tend to go with my gut....id say ive had a 69%-tile of assuming the correct thing. but who cares right?
i cleaned my room today...moved my bed closer to the wall to give me that extra Ft of space between the dresser and my bed. in conclusion i need a BIGGER ROOM.....or buy a house.
being that it is 2:48 in the am. im deciding NOT to go to work in like 3 hours. it was werid, i was awake all day even slept in a lil bit and i around 8pm i was fallin asleep like in the fuckin middle of Monday Night Football. soo disappointed in myself.
my 26th birthday is fast approaching, i thought about this alot. like am i where i want to be at 25, was this what i seen my life to be at 25. NO...honestly i didnt kno what the hell a 25 year old was doing when i was like 6. cuz, i didnt kno any. i was too busy wakin up to watch Nicklelodeon in the morning. 26, i think is an age where you cant really consider yourself young anymore, but i can really call myself old either. the young people call me old, the older people call me young. 25 that was the prime, so what happens now, does my life just go down hill from here? 4 more years to 30 and what do i have to show for myself. so i better fuckin finish radiology school or get a big break as some all star international Kareoke singer....oops i mean DJ.
DJING....how far is this really gonna take me. am i just being discouraged because i work with retards, obviously you kno which ones im talkin about. some days i wish i just never started the group and just did my own thing by myself. but i sleep in the bed that i made.
personal life. you all obviously kno that im in like with someone at the moment. when i first met her, i really believed "that she was waaay too hot and just dont even try" but with all the fucked up shit thats been happening to me and people i know, whats it to give it a try. i wanna say i fell in love with her at first site, but i didnt. i thought she was pretty and all that. but i think it took a while and it took me to get to know her more for me to absolutely fall in love with her. she is gorgeous already, but just getting to kno her made her more beautiful 10 fold. she doesnt know i like her, or maybe she does (there i go assuming again). but i havent had enuff never to tell her whats up. honestly when it first started i just hoped that i liked her, but as time passed ive learned that i love her. and the fact of that matter is the longer i wait the harder im going to fall. see my predicament?!?! but thats the least of my worries. i want to tell her as sort of a stress release. but im still scarred of her reaction and the fallout of whats to come. the holidays are coming up and i really want to be some what happy this year. i try to build up the holidays as some happy family time fun faire. but in actually im totally depressed during the holidays. for one fact that im no longer a child, so presents are scarace. EVEN WITH THE BIRTHDAY in DEC. but ive learned to accept that fact. second, my family has lost quite a few memebers to death and the holidays really arent that chipper like they once were. its horrible to think like that but its true. and figuring that i havent had a gf in YEARS....the holidays are just extra lonely for me. i wish i had someone to shower gifts on christmas morning or to go to her family's house on thanksgiving, or even someone to kiss at new years. but back to the point at hand, i have been giving this thought, like if i really like her or if she is just conveinence. i kno the holidays are coming up and it would be nice. BUT i started liking her a while back. now is she some kinda replacement for a former love. NO. not really because my "former" love and are just fine and im not really hardcore into her ne more. Now am i just used to her? i dunno. i really cant answer that. i want to say no. but what would entitle me to say that i was used to her. i do miss her when i dont see her and i miss her when we dont talk. is that reason enuff? now i gotta admitt im not the shake-clamy-lil-wet-behind-the-ears guy i was in high school and maybe some parts of college. this is a new me. ive seen ive dated and i kno what i want. and to question how i feel about someone now, just makes it more serious. if i question myself, that just means that im willing and ready and that she exhibits everything that i want and need in a woman. and hopefully i am everything she needs in a man. kinda complicated, but in my mind is works out right 100%. ive given it plenty of thought, its more than a crush. now only if i can bring my pussy self to tell her. help anyone please!
ok...im a lil bit sleepy now....thanks for listening
here we go:
im generally a friendly person, but i really dont like when people prejudge who i am. by lookin at me. fuckin talk to me first, i had this incident, which i could totally be taking out of context, but at a club event, i was simply waitin for my friends who are gogo dancers to get dressed. saw them in the room ALL FULLY DRESSED. so i stuck my head in the room and said a kinda "lets fuckin make like a tree and get the fuck outta here" another gogo, who shall remain nameless comes up behind me and repeats in a ticked off tone or like an irritated tone "Really...really? come on now really?"...no i dunno what the fuck was going on but imma take that as disrespect. FUCK HER. she dont kno me, plus everyone in that room was a friend of mine. SO FUCK YOU...even tho shes was damn hot and her body was bangin 9 ways from sunday. FUCK YOU. but then again she coulda been talkin bout something else.
i guess i have the issue about assuming things to be incorrect. sometimes im right some times im wrong, but i tend to go with my gut....id say ive had a 69%-tile of assuming the correct thing. but who cares right?
i cleaned my room today...moved my bed closer to the wall to give me that extra Ft of space between the dresser and my bed. in conclusion i need a BIGGER ROOM.....or buy a house.
being that it is 2:48 in the am. im deciding NOT to go to work in like 3 hours. it was werid, i was awake all day even slept in a lil bit and i around 8pm i was fallin asleep like in the fuckin middle of Monday Night Football. soo disappointed in myself.
my 26th birthday is fast approaching, i thought about this alot. like am i where i want to be at 25, was this what i seen my life to be at 25. NO...honestly i didnt kno what the hell a 25 year old was doing when i was like 6. cuz, i didnt kno any. i was too busy wakin up to watch Nicklelodeon in the morning. 26, i think is an age where you cant really consider yourself young anymore, but i can really call myself old either. the young people call me old, the older people call me young. 25 that was the prime, so what happens now, does my life just go down hill from here? 4 more years to 30 and what do i have to show for myself. so i better fuckin finish radiology school or get a big break as some all star international Kareoke singer....oops i mean DJ.
DJING....how far is this really gonna take me. am i just being discouraged because i work with retards, obviously you kno which ones im talkin about. some days i wish i just never started the group and just did my own thing by myself. but i sleep in the bed that i made.
personal life. you all obviously kno that im in like with someone at the moment. when i first met her, i really believed "that she was waaay too hot and just dont even try" but with all the fucked up shit thats been happening to me and people i know, whats it to give it a try. i wanna say i fell in love with her at first site, but i didnt. i thought she was pretty and all that. but i think it took a while and it took me to get to know her more for me to absolutely fall in love with her. she is gorgeous already, but just getting to kno her made her more beautiful 10 fold. she doesnt know i like her, or maybe she does (there i go assuming again). but i havent had enuff never to tell her whats up. honestly when it first started i just hoped that i liked her, but as time passed ive learned that i love her. and the fact of that matter is the longer i wait the harder im going to fall. see my predicament?!?! but thats the least of my worries. i want to tell her as sort of a stress release. but im still scarred of her reaction and the fallout of whats to come. the holidays are coming up and i really want to be some what happy this year. i try to build up the holidays as some happy family time fun faire. but in actually im totally depressed during the holidays. for one fact that im no longer a child, so presents are scarace. EVEN WITH THE BIRTHDAY in DEC. but ive learned to accept that fact. second, my family has lost quite a few memebers to death and the holidays really arent that chipper like they once were. its horrible to think like that but its true. and figuring that i havent had a gf in YEARS....the holidays are just extra lonely for me. i wish i had someone to shower gifts on christmas morning or to go to her family's house on thanksgiving, or even someone to kiss at new years. but back to the point at hand, i have been giving this thought, like if i really like her or if she is just conveinence. i kno the holidays are coming up and it would be nice. BUT i started liking her a while back. now is she some kinda replacement for a former love. NO. not really because my "former" love and are just fine and im not really hardcore into her ne more. Now am i just used to her? i dunno. i really cant answer that. i want to say no. but what would entitle me to say that i was used to her. i do miss her when i dont see her and i miss her when we dont talk. is that reason enuff? now i gotta admitt im not the shake-clamy-lil-wet-behind-the-ears guy i was in high school and maybe some parts of college. this is a new me. ive seen ive dated and i kno what i want. and to question how i feel about someone now, just makes it more serious. if i question myself, that just means that im willing and ready and that she exhibits everything that i want and need in a woman. and hopefully i am everything she needs in a man. kinda complicated, but in my mind is works out right 100%. ive given it plenty of thought, its more than a crush. now only if i can bring my pussy self to tell her. help anyone please!
ok...im a lil bit sleepy now....thanks for listening
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
THIS SUMS UP ALOT OF THINGS
"...We are not enemies, but friends. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection..."
-Abraham "I got five on it" Lincolon
-Abraham "I got five on it" Lincolon
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
i learned about you in Social Studies!
at first i really didnt believe that my voice would be heard in any election. when i was a wee lad back at St. Lawrence O'toole in the 7th grade, we took the whole year to study the American Government, which also included a field trip to Washington, DC our nations capital. learning my VOTE for any presidental race really didnt matter in a sense that the president is elected by electoral college. living in california the vote will go to the democratic candidate.
in all honestly i didnt care for the American government. thinking it did nothing for me nor did nothing for my family. after many years of thinking and basically bullshittin my vote, i realized that this country is the greatest nation. puttin aside, the lying and the bullshit, the wars and conflicts, the things they may or maynot be hiding from its people. this is a great nation. compared to other places where poverty is the main population, where free speach is punishable by death. where healthcare is either very limited or unavailable. or where any religion can be practiced freely...understand. although things may not go a way we planned none the less, this country has given us more FREEDOM than any country could ever give. so dont complain that something didnt go your way, get out there and do something...vote. that is the beauty of this nation. change is in the hands of the people.
in all honestly i didnt care for the American government. thinking it did nothing for me nor did nothing for my family. after many years of thinking and basically bullshittin my vote, i realized that this country is the greatest nation. puttin aside, the lying and the bullshit, the wars and conflicts, the things they may or maynot be hiding from its people. this is a great nation. compared to other places where poverty is the main population, where free speach is punishable by death. where healthcare is either very limited or unavailable. or where any religion can be practiced freely...understand. although things may not go a way we planned none the less, this country has given us more FREEDOM than any country could ever give. so dont complain that something didnt go your way, get out there and do something...vote. that is the beauty of this nation. change is in the hands of the people.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
the ever expanding mind
i had a awesome time last night. i love SF and the Bay area you people know how to party. so last night i did double duty @ two nightclubs on Great Hallows-eve (Halloween for the retards). Started @ Bambuddha....ended @ Heights. took a $6 cab to it.
today i woke up @ 2pm. that has been the first time in SOOO long i got to sleep in till 2pm. but in a sense i feel hella tired and i feel like i missed half the day. which is all very true. i did miss half the day. on top of that, its fuckin raining. and not really like sprinkling type...like fuckin raining. depressing rain. maybe thats why i feel like shit. im also pretty sore too from some hardcore workin out yesterday. which i'll prolly do in a few mins.
blah i dont feel like doing nething tonight. chill watch a movie. other than going to a club.
we'll see how this goes.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
key to the GAME....protek the QUEEN
my last blog, i quite possibly have made and ass out of myself. so i have an issue myself. i assume too much...im pretty much assuming that statement i just made. the person it was directed to prolly read it. but then again im ASSUMING.
my mind is a lil eased up about recent events. i handled my biz with the group. and if this plan works the group should be as strong as ever. work still sucks...and so does schoool. looks like im takin this class over again, unless by some miracle i can pull off an A.
everyone likes the fact that i have such an interesting nightlife job. dont get me wrong, i love djing and meeting all these wonderful people and hanging out with models and gogos and such. lets focus more on that. ive recently spoken to a few old school classmates who say they "envy" me or the "are jealous" that i get to chill with all these hot ass beezys. which is very true, its very fortunate that i get to do this. when in high school, i couldnt even eat lunch with the hottest girls in our class, and those bitches dont even hold a match to the girls i know now. but back to my point, yes these girls are hot, they are cool, and i love um! but most of them got dudes...or just waay to fuckin hot for me. so its not like im fuckin them....so DONT i repeat DONT be jealous of me. alot of you guys i kno who were tellin me this got your own GFs...im jealous of you. im envious of you guys. i want what you have...NOT your GFs..i want my own. but i long for that affection that is shown to you. i miss it, some days i just want to come home after a long day sit down and talk to my gf. or randomly during the week go out and have dinner or coffee with her. or even go out and do things with her like some simple ass shit like shop. i want to pamper her like shes a queen. i want to surprize her at work for lunch, or send her flowers on 4 month anniversaries. i want to make plans with her, i want to travel with her and see places ive never been. i want to go to disneyland with her and hold her hand when she reaches over on a ride she thought was scarry. i want to beable to post on my away msg "going to my girls house". i want her to spend the holidays with my family and me with hers. want her to be cool enuff with my friends that she hangs out with them without me. i want her to call me in the middle of the night when she cant sleep. i want her to be by my side when i got to make a major decision. i want to slow dance with her behind the dj booth at a club to a fast song (haha). i want to take random trips with me to drive to Tracy for a Cherry Limeaide.
i kno im pretty sad right?
my mind is a lil eased up about recent events. i handled my biz with the group. and if this plan works the group should be as strong as ever. work still sucks...and so does schoool. looks like im takin this class over again, unless by some miracle i can pull off an A.
everyone likes the fact that i have such an interesting nightlife job. dont get me wrong, i love djing and meeting all these wonderful people and hanging out with models and gogos and such. lets focus more on that. ive recently spoken to a few old school classmates who say they "envy" me or the "are jealous" that i get to chill with all these hot ass beezys. which is very true, its very fortunate that i get to do this. when in high school, i couldnt even eat lunch with the hottest girls in our class, and those bitches dont even hold a match to the girls i know now. but back to my point, yes these girls are hot, they are cool, and i love um! but most of them got dudes...or just waay to fuckin hot for me. so its not like im fuckin them....so DONT i repeat DONT be jealous of me. alot of you guys i kno who were tellin me this got your own GFs...im jealous of you. im envious of you guys. i want what you have...NOT your GFs..i want my own. but i long for that affection that is shown to you. i miss it, some days i just want to come home after a long day sit down and talk to my gf. or randomly during the week go out and have dinner or coffee with her. or even go out and do things with her like some simple ass shit like shop. i want to pamper her like shes a queen. i want to surprize her at work for lunch, or send her flowers on 4 month anniversaries. i want to make plans with her, i want to travel with her and see places ive never been. i want to go to disneyland with her and hold her hand when she reaches over on a ride she thought was scarry. i want to beable to post on my away msg "going to my girls house". i want her to spend the holidays with my family and me with hers. want her to be cool enuff with my friends that she hangs out with them without me. i want her to call me in the middle of the night when she cant sleep. i want her to be by my side when i got to make a major decision. i want to slow dance with her behind the dj booth at a club to a fast song (haha). i want to take random trips with me to drive to Tracy for a Cherry Limeaide.
i kno im pretty sad right?
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
untitled
"loving you is like a battle, we both end up with scars"
"you tell me you're looking for someone, that you'll never find anyone. you tell me that no one is good enough for you. something is wrong with this person and that person. you have to be attracted to that person, all that. i agree, there must a degree of attraction. but some times you just have to open up and look at whats right before you. its not 'settling'. its realizing that sometimes the thing that you've been searching for is right infront of you. its unfortunate in my life that i cant say that no one has ever wanted me as much as i wanted you. i pray and hope for the day that someone tells me they love me for me. not by how i look, not by what job i have or how much money i make, not for my social status, but how i make them feel. i want to be your sunny day, i want to be your christmas morning, i want to be your everything. im not telling you that you NEED to give me a CHANCE...'need to' and a 'chance' are crutches for the weak minded fearful. im not asking for a chance. im asking you to look into your heart and tell me if i make you happy. our time together, do i make you smile? do you trust me? can you see what kind of person i am and what kind of person i will be? do i make you laugh? do i comfort you when you are sad? i will agree, i am definately attracted to you physically. but the time we spent together, ive seen more that than and seen past that. i love your lil querks, i love your stories, i love how you tell those stories, i love your small obsessions, i love that you enjoy the same things i do! im not on an advertising campaign for myself. but no one will ever love you like i will. no one cares for you as i do now. and no one ever will. with all this confidence you maybe wondering if fear has stepped in to the picture. ive thought about it. im fearful, in what i say to you, in what i do, i dont want to ruin whatever we have already established. but love overcame the fear. im willing to risk it all to know, to know what could be. our friendship is important, but im willing to put it on the line for this. i want to say, im the one you are looking for, im your destiny, i am the one......Here i am"
-untitled
"you tell me you're looking for someone, that you'll never find anyone. you tell me that no one is good enough for you. something is wrong with this person and that person. you have to be attracted to that person, all that. i agree, there must a degree of attraction. but some times you just have to open up and look at whats right before you. its not 'settling'. its realizing that sometimes the thing that you've been searching for is right infront of you. its unfortunate in my life that i cant say that no one has ever wanted me as much as i wanted you. i pray and hope for the day that someone tells me they love me for me. not by how i look, not by what job i have or how much money i make, not for my social status, but how i make them feel. i want to be your sunny day, i want to be your christmas morning, i want to be your everything. im not telling you that you NEED to give me a CHANCE...'need to' and a 'chance' are crutches for the weak minded fearful. im not asking for a chance. im asking you to look into your heart and tell me if i make you happy. our time together, do i make you smile? do you trust me? can you see what kind of person i am and what kind of person i will be? do i make you laugh? do i comfort you when you are sad? i will agree, i am definately attracted to you physically. but the time we spent together, ive seen more that than and seen past that. i love your lil querks, i love your stories, i love how you tell those stories, i love your small obsessions, i love that you enjoy the same things i do! im not on an advertising campaign for myself. but no one will ever love you like i will. no one cares for you as i do now. and no one ever will. with all this confidence you maybe wondering if fear has stepped in to the picture. ive thought about it. im fearful, in what i say to you, in what i do, i dont want to ruin whatever we have already established. but love overcame the fear. im willing to risk it all to know, to know what could be. our friendship is important, but im willing to put it on the line for this. i want to say, im the one you are looking for, im your destiny, i am the one......Here i am"
-untitled
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
I HATE RUDE PEOPLE
i was high as shit last night. stoopid basil and his fuckin cookies!
so last night, i had to make a mix for our upcoming mix show (www.myblockradio.net). i went to basils and he said to eat these cookies. i just wanted to eat like half or something. but the cookies were quite old, so i didnt want to get sick. i ate a quater of one...nada...ate another quater...nada...so i ate 2 whole ones. that shit took hella long to kick in tho. like a hour...but lasted pretty long. i would do that again...its gettin high without the smoke!!
on bart today...i dunno why bart does this...but they give the Richmond train the shortest possible...its 3 cars only. AND that shit is sardine can packed. so im standing...im standing to a quite cute looking woman, shes a tiny thing. we xchange smiles signifying that we both understand that its stoopid packed in here and that i might have to get closer and all up in her space. 3 fuckin bikers come in...and Bart has signs that say "please use proper judgement when gettin on trains with bikes." obviously, these people cant read or understand or just chose to disreguard them. this poor woman i was standing next to gets all most crushed by this ginormous dude with his bike...i kinda slap the dude on teh shoulder cuz he was gonna crush me too. and he kinda gives us this look of like he didnt give a shit...the thing is he could have moved over, there was hella space for him. so i relocate from him and i kinda gotta help this chick from behing this fat dude.
granted, no one can move on the train till soemone else gets off. some RUDE ass white dude shoves me in the back so that he can stand next to the door. im not gonna let that stand. i call him an asshole...and told him to back the fuck up cuz i cant go anywhere until people move, he gives me a half ass appology. but i notice that hes shovin everyone around on the way to the door...no excuse mes or nething.......i hope hes late to whatever he was doing...or gets hit by a car.
so last night, i had to make a mix for our upcoming mix show (www.myblockradio.net). i went to basils and he said to eat these cookies. i just wanted to eat like half or something. but the cookies were quite old, so i didnt want to get sick. i ate a quater of one...nada...ate another quater...nada...so i ate 2 whole ones. that shit took hella long to kick in tho. like a hour...but lasted pretty long. i would do that again...its gettin high without the smoke!!
on bart today...i dunno why bart does this...but they give the Richmond train the shortest possible...its 3 cars only. AND that shit is sardine can packed. so im standing...im standing to a quite cute looking woman, shes a tiny thing. we xchange smiles signifying that we both understand that its stoopid packed in here and that i might have to get closer and all up in her space. 3 fuckin bikers come in...and Bart has signs that say "please use proper judgement when gettin on trains with bikes." obviously, these people cant read or understand or just chose to disreguard them. this poor woman i was standing next to gets all most crushed by this ginormous dude with his bike...i kinda slap the dude on teh shoulder cuz he was gonna crush me too. and he kinda gives us this look of like he didnt give a shit...the thing is he could have moved over, there was hella space for him. so i relocate from him and i kinda gotta help this chick from behing this fat dude.
granted, no one can move on the train till soemone else gets off. some RUDE ass white dude shoves me in the back so that he can stand next to the door. im not gonna let that stand. i call him an asshole...and told him to back the fuck up cuz i cant go anywhere until people move, he gives me a half ass appology. but i notice that hes shovin everyone around on the way to the door...no excuse mes or nething.......i hope hes late to whatever he was doing...or gets hit by a car.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
People's Instinctive Travels and the Paths of Rhythm
im airin out dirty laundry. some of this stuff, ive let go...some i havent. if u know me well you should kno the difference. none of this stuff is really new, cuz everything thats happened recently to me, ive delt with face to face. its mostly old stuff. not using any names or nething really close to it...im just refering to people as them/he/she...etc...
-my friends family hates me...i think they still do? i dont even kno if i them call them my friend ne more cuz i dont even see them, its been years since i been to their house. any way, long long long ago, apparently i hurt them soo much that they told their parents, lookin back on the situation and how much of a friend i was to them, i cant believe that could have possibly been beginning of the end. any way from that point again, i knew their parents always had it out for me. like i was the most horrible person in the world. then again, back then i was a different person, i cared too much of making everyone happy, except myself. i might have possibly been a bad influence on them. back then. all in all, when i think about it, i had a torrid past, yet there were times when we actually did have fun...but those are long gone. i was often very welcome at their family's house. and now if i would see their parents around, i would just act werid. lets just say, they were a VERY traditional filipino family. i do come from a traditional filipino family also, but my family was very lax and we have really embraced this "american" culture, not forgetting our heritage, but i just couldnt fit into that.
-this is more recently....loyalty?
ive met some people in the industry thats helped my lil group get off the ground. thats great and all. im highly appreciative of it. but there were just some groups that would not even give us the time of day. i seriously was the annoying promoter hittin them up, askin for them to host or what not. fastforward a year, now that we got a lil heat...now they wanna fux with us. i understand that we were really nothing bout a year ago. but due to the fact that they refused or basically ignored us, fuck that why should i want to work with ya'll. so i DO thank the other groups that helped us out. many props to ya'll
the flipside, i did have other groups who helped us and we helped them. but now it seems like they are too big to just even kick it or even try to do a party with us. everytime i ask if they wanna just on with us, i get an excuse. i thoughts we were cool? like honestly...its like they are too big to fux with us. but they will call me to tell me they have this artist and that artist, this dj and that dj....but they wont hire any of my djs, but have the nerve to ask me to promote for them. oh hell naw. its just a werid fucked up industry.
-i'll admit i can be insensitive at times, but just being a normal everyday human being i'll understand that things can really be difficult for anyone. so i'll take back things. ive met some people who are just absolutely insensitive, yet when something happens to them...they want all the attention on them and they pull that "im really emotional" card. give me that respect when things i cant handle get to me and just listen to me...hear me out. i will surely return the respect. a friend of mine said he didnt really share much personal stuff because the one person he could trust wasnt there when he needed them the most. i totally understand that, i may rave and rant and complain about something, but its called venting...dont simply tell me to get over it. i will, eventually, but im actaully calling for someone to just listen and simpathise (sp?) with me. i will get over it, really, but just listen and maybe you can relate. thank you
so this one person who i thought i can confide in during a really frustrating time...told me to get over it. without event trying to understand it. ok i'll admit, i did not let this go. i judge my friendships on who was there and still there at time when i FELT at my lowest. they duked it out with me and if we got out of it without casualties...i do consider them one of my closest friends and someone i trust. but basically...that person who i thought i could talk too, basically turned it into something about themselves. in a time when i was hurting and frustrated. moving on, ive learned that person always does that, turns it into something about them. on another instance, (this may get confusing cuz im not using names nore the situation directly) one set of my friends were comforting a friend and the other friend was there....while the group was trying to console and listen to the sad friend, the other friend turned or TRIED to turn it into their time. if that isnt attention whoring, i dunno what is.
any way...i think my laundry is done...and my brains smell like my mexican cuzins...hahahah
see i always can make myself smile!!
"can i kick it...yes you can"
donate to diabetes research!!!
-my friends family hates me...i think they still do? i dont even kno if i them call them my friend ne more cuz i dont even see them, its been years since i been to their house. any way, long long long ago, apparently i hurt them soo much that they told their parents, lookin back on the situation and how much of a friend i was to them, i cant believe that could have possibly been beginning of the end. any way from that point again, i knew their parents always had it out for me. like i was the most horrible person in the world. then again, back then i was a different person, i cared too much of making everyone happy, except myself. i might have possibly been a bad influence on them. back then. all in all, when i think about it, i had a torrid past, yet there were times when we actually did have fun...but those are long gone. i was often very welcome at their family's house. and now if i would see their parents around, i would just act werid. lets just say, they were a VERY traditional filipino family. i do come from a traditional filipino family also, but my family was very lax and we have really embraced this "american" culture, not forgetting our heritage, but i just couldnt fit into that.
-this is more recently....loyalty?
ive met some people in the industry thats helped my lil group get off the ground. thats great and all. im highly appreciative of it. but there were just some groups that would not even give us the time of day. i seriously was the annoying promoter hittin them up, askin for them to host or what not. fastforward a year, now that we got a lil heat...now they wanna fux with us. i understand that we were really nothing bout a year ago. but due to the fact that they refused or basically ignored us, fuck that why should i want to work with ya'll. so i DO thank the other groups that helped us out. many props to ya'll
the flipside, i did have other groups who helped us and we helped them. but now it seems like they are too big to just even kick it or even try to do a party with us. everytime i ask if they wanna just on with us, i get an excuse. i thoughts we were cool? like honestly...its like they are too big to fux with us. but they will call me to tell me they have this artist and that artist, this dj and that dj....but they wont hire any of my djs, but have the nerve to ask me to promote for them. oh hell naw. its just a werid fucked up industry.
-i'll admit i can be insensitive at times, but just being a normal everyday human being i'll understand that things can really be difficult for anyone. so i'll take back things. ive met some people who are just absolutely insensitive, yet when something happens to them...they want all the attention on them and they pull that "im really emotional" card. give me that respect when things i cant handle get to me and just listen to me...hear me out. i will surely return the respect. a friend of mine said he didnt really share much personal stuff because the one person he could trust wasnt there when he needed them the most. i totally understand that, i may rave and rant and complain about something, but its called venting...dont simply tell me to get over it. i will, eventually, but im actaully calling for someone to just listen and simpathise (sp?) with me. i will get over it, really, but just listen and maybe you can relate. thank you
so this one person who i thought i can confide in during a really frustrating time...told me to get over it. without event trying to understand it. ok i'll admit, i did not let this go. i judge my friendships on who was there and still there at time when i FELT at my lowest. they duked it out with me and if we got out of it without casualties...i do consider them one of my closest friends and someone i trust. but basically...that person who i thought i could talk too, basically turned it into something about themselves. in a time when i was hurting and frustrated. moving on, ive learned that person always does that, turns it into something about them. on another instance, (this may get confusing cuz im not using names nore the situation directly) one set of my friends were comforting a friend and the other friend was there....while the group was trying to console and listen to the sad friend, the other friend turned or TRIED to turn it into their time. if that isnt attention whoring, i dunno what is.
any way...i think my laundry is done...and my brains smell like my mexican cuzins...hahahah
see i always can make myself smile!!
"can i kick it...yes you can"
donate to diabetes research!!!
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
I REALLY HOPE IM NOT BIPOLAR!!!!
my morning observations:
-the nation is severely overweight. i kno im not the picture perfect vision of health, but fuck...(haha) atleast im doing something about it. and i dont want to be fat..ne more. i kno ive told a bunch of you, one thing i hate the most besides Douche bags....fat people. its like they tried to turn it into something of a style, like its stylish to be fat. sorry i got picked on alot when i was younger and lets be honest, looks matter and being FAT really didnt help that either, ok it may sound like i didnt have a thick skin about it. but i did, but i also got into fights over it. i guess because i always knew that there was something i can do about it. all it really takes is decipline and some support.
you may be askin why, this sudden rip on fat people. its been building up, some of you kno that. but today...honestly...today on BART. speciffically, there were no people of regular weight on there..middle school kids to high school kids, young adults to old adults...ALL OVER WEIGHT! i seriously was prolly the skinniest person there....(really think about that)
but hey we live in a country of excess. right? these people cant help it. naw i dont believe that. props to the ones that try, eating at healthy choice and shit....but IT DOESNT HELP IF U SKIP THE SALADA BAR!!!! and head straight for the pizza and potatoes! then get a massive ice cream after. comeon!
-a lot of people i kno are keeping shit from each other. we are all friends...wtf....but i understand not everyone has to kno shit, but come on.....relationships are all built on trust. once that trust is gone, its takes a while to build it back up
-Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles is actaully is a good show.
so, reading my blogs got me to thinking. am i bipolar? i really am not. just from studying it in college, i kno im not nore can i diagnose myself. but sometimes i feel like it. rapidly changing my attitude and mood. im not crazy or anything. ive seen real bipolar and i am FAR FAR FARRRRR from that.
thats it....
donate to the diabetes research fund!
-the nation is severely overweight. i kno im not the picture perfect vision of health, but fuck...(haha) atleast im doing something about it. and i dont want to be fat..ne more. i kno ive told a bunch of you, one thing i hate the most besides Douche bags....fat people. its like they tried to turn it into something of a style, like its stylish to be fat. sorry i got picked on alot when i was younger and lets be honest, looks matter and being FAT really didnt help that either, ok it may sound like i didnt have a thick skin about it. but i did, but i also got into fights over it. i guess because i always knew that there was something i can do about it. all it really takes is decipline and some support.
you may be askin why, this sudden rip on fat people. its been building up, some of you kno that. but today...honestly...today on BART. speciffically, there were no people of regular weight on there..middle school kids to high school kids, young adults to old adults...ALL OVER WEIGHT! i seriously was prolly the skinniest person there....(really think about that)
but hey we live in a country of excess. right? these people cant help it. naw i dont believe that. props to the ones that try, eating at healthy choice and shit....but IT DOESNT HELP IF U SKIP THE SALADA BAR!!!! and head straight for the pizza and potatoes! then get a massive ice cream after. comeon!
-a lot of people i kno are keeping shit from each other. we are all friends...wtf....but i understand not everyone has to kno shit, but come on.....relationships are all built on trust. once that trust is gone, its takes a while to build it back up
-Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles is actaully is a good show.
so, reading my blogs got me to thinking. am i bipolar? i really am not. just from studying it in college, i kno im not nore can i diagnose myself. but sometimes i feel like it. rapidly changing my attitude and mood. im not crazy or anything. ive seen real bipolar and i am FAR FAR FARRRRR from that.
thats it....
donate to the diabetes research fund!
Saturday, October 4, 2008
EARLY MORNING RUNNING...
so my early saturday morning runs with robby have become, mid-morning run-walks. im workin on it. slowly but shurely.
thats it...thats all i got for now.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
OH NE-YO, YOU KNOW THE LYRICS OF THE HEART!
ive been slowly but shurely puttin myself into a slump. i think im just overworking myself and stuff. but to be successful you need to hustle so i really cant slow down. a million and one complaints still linger abouts my group. i dont know what to say to them to get them to promote, we are a PROMOTIONS crew! just gotta be dick...umm, well not a dick, but tough. being a dick would consitute me not caring about the group, but i do and i want to see this group do well. but i cant do it single handedly.
that last two weeks ive been gettin used to drinking straight black coffee. no cream no sugar. it works, just too plain honestly.
my bamboo plant at work looks as if will make a full recovery. just a few weeks ago when i went on my vacay to san D , i left it here and forgot to water it for....like a week. the leaves got all brown and shit. so after regular waterings and such, it looks like Lucky will make it.
im starting to get used to this prickin my finger with the blood glucose meter thing, but when i do it right before i eat at a resturant, dumb muthafucks look at me like im cookin dope at the table.
i feel alot better than i did yesterday. a whole lot. one of my friends who i havent talked to in about 2 years called me. it was a great "reunion", i appologized for whatever i did that kept them away and they appologized for being away so long. but things for them have been better than what i would have been if they were living the same life i knew them at about 2 years ago. it was quite refreshing to hear from them. it actually brought up my spirits that they called and if they are reading this, thanks!
as i was previously stated, my day wasnt the best of days yesterday, but with the power of music...i felt slightly better. for some reason, Ne-yo's lyrics hit exactly how i feel. if i was super talented writer/singer, i would be Ne-yo. his songs deal with the regular ol' joe's problems, mostly facing relationships. with his excellent composition of lyrics to the conduction of piano rifs and foot-tapping drum beats, it can turn any of my woes around. not every man is a player, whos rants are about cheating on a girl and wanting her back. hey dumb ass u cheated on her why would she want you back. a careful analysis of ne-yo's songs, especially "go on girl" deals with the roles of common relationship practices being reveresed. the beyonce song "irreplaceable" was written by ne-yo intended for him to be sung, but actually gave it to beyonce to sing. not all his songs were touching on that subject of infidelity. on subject he constantly touches on is "obsession", this is not the obession as thought of as crazy and unstable mental states, but the obsession that often come with affection. i can say that ive been in situation where "she makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, just one touch". ive been there, ive felt what his songs messages were attempting to portray. "baby you have become my addiction.." we've all felt that. its crazy i kno, but whos not gonna admit that they've felt like that about someone. he touches everyone, not just guys hollarin at girls, vice versa. the biggest playa/pimp, to the lowly shy guy chillin in the corner of the club. its just something we all as regualr people can relate to. songs like "crazy", "let you go", "sexy love", "because of you" are perfect examples of this type of over infatuation. in a sense, its bad to be over "obsessed" with anyone or any one thing. but in all honesty, when youre in love, doesnt it just feel like that...
"she makes the hairs of the back of my neck stand up........just one touch"
-C to the "muthafuckin" M-Ceeee!
PLEASE DONATE TO DIABETES RESEARCH FUND and to the Lukemia lymphoma society...thanks!
that last two weeks ive been gettin used to drinking straight black coffee. no cream no sugar. it works, just too plain honestly.
my bamboo plant at work looks as if will make a full recovery. just a few weeks ago when i went on my vacay to san D , i left it here and forgot to water it for....like a week. the leaves got all brown and shit. so after regular waterings and such, it looks like Lucky will make it.
im starting to get used to this prickin my finger with the blood glucose meter thing, but when i do it right before i eat at a resturant, dumb muthafucks look at me like im cookin dope at the table.
i feel alot better than i did yesterday. a whole lot. one of my friends who i havent talked to in about 2 years called me. it was a great "reunion", i appologized for whatever i did that kept them away and they appologized for being away so long. but things for them have been better than what i would have been if they were living the same life i knew them at about 2 years ago. it was quite refreshing to hear from them. it actually brought up my spirits that they called and if they are reading this, thanks!
as i was previously stated, my day wasnt the best of days yesterday, but with the power of music...i felt slightly better. for some reason, Ne-yo's lyrics hit exactly how i feel. if i was super talented writer/singer, i would be Ne-yo. his songs deal with the regular ol' joe's problems, mostly facing relationships. with his excellent composition of lyrics to the conduction of piano rifs and foot-tapping drum beats, it can turn any of my woes around. not every man is a player, whos rants are about cheating on a girl and wanting her back. hey dumb ass u cheated on her why would she want you back. a careful analysis of ne-yo's songs, especially "go on girl" deals with the roles of common relationship practices being reveresed. the beyonce song "irreplaceable" was written by ne-yo intended for him to be sung, but actually gave it to beyonce to sing. not all his songs were touching on that subject of infidelity. on subject he constantly touches on is "obsession", this is not the obession as thought of as crazy and unstable mental states, but the obsession that often come with affection. i can say that ive been in situation where "she makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, just one touch". ive been there, ive felt what his songs messages were attempting to portray. "baby you have become my addiction.." we've all felt that. its crazy i kno, but whos not gonna admit that they've felt like that about someone. he touches everyone, not just guys hollarin at girls, vice versa. the biggest playa/pimp, to the lowly shy guy chillin in the corner of the club. its just something we all as regualr people can relate to. songs like "crazy", "let you go", "sexy love", "because of you" are perfect examples of this type of over infatuation. in a sense, its bad to be over "obsessed" with anyone or any one thing. but in all honesty, when youre in love, doesnt it just feel like that...
"she makes the hairs of the back of my neck stand up........just one touch"
-C to the "muthafuckin" M-Ceeee!
PLEASE DONATE TO DIABETES RESEARCH FUND and to the Lukemia lymphoma society...thanks!
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
IM YOUR'S - JASON MRAZ
ok this sucks...
ive been listening to jason mraz's song "im yours" all morning and pretty much spiralling myself into a slight depression. more of a mood...depression is too harsh of an analysis. its a great song, but reminds me of a task i need to accomplish. for myself. not for anyone else. my tragic flaw, that i live with if i was some kinda Shakespearian character, i cant follow my own advice. and it good fuckin advice. and not to say that i need to be told what to do, more like i need that nudge. my best friend, usually does that for me, but at the present moment shes not here. physically. i mean i dont need her physically to do what i need to do, but i need to just have her here as a somewhat moral support. nothing fixes anything better that a loving and caring hug from a good friend.
ahh, you maybe asking, what is this task that is soo daunting that CMC cant handle it? wouldnt you like to know. just know, i dont fear alot of things...possibly two things. if u know me, you know those two things. remember i said. "life isnt really that hard...." well i really wish i could listen to myself right now, what i have to do, isnt so hard. not to worried about the consequences...just doing the task and bringing it to the table so to speak. my hands clam up and get cold. i shudder from within, my head drops. lack of confidence. prolly. but then i have this overwhelming feeling of just wanting to get it over with. wheres that confidence when i need it. i need that swag back. i really dont wanna ask for help...i needs a nudge...i need that push...someone PUSH ME!!!!!!!
"i wont hesi-tate, no more, no more, it can not wait, Im your's"
-"FUCK YOU CHRISTIAN!"
-"Thanks man, i need that"
ive been listening to jason mraz's song "im yours" all morning and pretty much spiralling myself into a slight depression. more of a mood...depression is too harsh of an analysis. its a great song, but reminds me of a task i need to accomplish. for myself. not for anyone else. my tragic flaw, that i live with if i was some kinda Shakespearian character, i cant follow my own advice. and it good fuckin advice. and not to say that i need to be told what to do, more like i need that nudge. my best friend, usually does that for me, but at the present moment shes not here. physically. i mean i dont need her physically to do what i need to do, but i need to just have her here as a somewhat moral support. nothing fixes anything better that a loving and caring hug from a good friend.
ahh, you maybe asking, what is this task that is soo daunting that CMC cant handle it? wouldnt you like to know. just know, i dont fear alot of things...possibly two things. if u know me, you know those two things. remember i said. "life isnt really that hard...." well i really wish i could listen to myself right now, what i have to do, isnt so hard. not to worried about the consequences...just doing the task and bringing it to the table so to speak. my hands clam up and get cold. i shudder from within, my head drops. lack of confidence. prolly. but then i have this overwhelming feeling of just wanting to get it over with. wheres that confidence when i need it. i need that swag back. i really dont wanna ask for help...i needs a nudge...i need that push...someone PUSH ME!!!!!!!
"i wont hesi-tate, no more, no more, it can not wait, Im your's"
-"FUCK YOU CHRISTIAN!"
-"Thanks man, i need that"
Public Transportation
so last night i fell asleep relatively early for a 25 year old.....8:(fuckin) 30pm....thats shit was like middle of prime time TV. whats most disappointin about that is that i was planning to watch the new episode of prolly the only TV show i really follw, Entourage. sooo, i fall asleep at 8:30, laptop on my lap, phone slowing dying. i wake up in the middle of the night, bout 12:30am to my TV on and some obscure HBO/softcore/real sex/documentary show, realizing i missed Entourage. then lookin at my computer and seeing that i had about a dozen missed IM's. from actual people of importance. so unknowingly i responded to everyone who IM'd me. not caring if they were asleep or not. a few responded. i procceed to attempt to fall asleep...but engaged in light conversation with a few people left on AIM. the movie, Rememeber the Titans was on. this tharwted all my effort to fall back asleep. fastforward. the movie ended around 2:30am. i get up at 5. so i said fuck it...stayed up, till 5 got ready for work and jumped on bart.
this has been the earliest ive been to work in weeks. sittin on bart lookin at the drab faces on the much much much! older people on the train i realized, "hey, everyone lighten the fuck up" it does have a depressing tone to it, public transportation. as if all were riding a train to their doom, of which they call the "daily grind". as i do when im on the train, i practice something i call "back paper reading" as one is reading a paper, i read the front page from my seat without bothering the original reader. here i learn of the Raiders Coach, being fired...some other shit...and the buget..more economic stuff.
looking around i feel that familar feeling....i am the youngest one on the train. as i have delt with many other things in my life, yet again im the youngest. i remember takin diabetic diet classes again being the youngest. it a little bit of a double edged sword. yes, things are lifting because im forced to be much "older" than i perceive myself...but where are the people my age, and why am i forced into a situation where i am odd man out??
fuckin public transportation........
ps-please donate to diabetic research...save me!
this has been the earliest ive been to work in weeks. sittin on bart lookin at the drab faces on the much much much! older people on the train i realized, "hey, everyone lighten the fuck up" it does have a depressing tone to it, public transportation. as if all were riding a train to their doom, of which they call the "daily grind". as i do when im on the train, i practice something i call "back paper reading" as one is reading a paper, i read the front page from my seat without bothering the original reader. here i learn of the Raiders Coach, being fired...some other shit...and the buget..more economic stuff.
looking around i feel that familar feeling....i am the youngest one on the train. as i have delt with many other things in my life, yet again im the youngest. i remember takin diabetic diet classes again being the youngest. it a little bit of a double edged sword. yes, things are lifting because im forced to be much "older" than i perceive myself...but where are the people my age, and why am i forced into a situation where i am odd man out??
fuckin public transportation........
ps-please donate to diabetic research...save me!
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
my first new blog!!
so its been a while since i had a blog. a few years to be exact, only cuz the last one gave me some trouble and destroyed some relationships. but you kno what, things have changed and im back...and really dont give a shit this time around.
i prolly wont write in here this much. but...theres a possiblity, i might keep thing updated.
lookin at my calender i notice its only tuesday, the begining of my work week.....fuck....
only tuesday??? well its all good, two more days and yet another weekend of sleepless nights, driving to the city...DJing. not that this last weekend wasnt fuckin awesome as shit!
so heres some updates on me. im back to my diabetic diet...cuz i am...diabetic. for all ya'll who didnt know, i have been for about maybe like 3-4 years...i just recently wasnt takin care of myself. now in fear of DYING! im back on it. Doc Chu says, "your body is producing enough insullin, but...because you are overweight...its not as affective." in a roundabout way, this nigga called me a fat ass. well you all maybe thinking, "what no christian, you arent even fat" well according to the BMI (body mass index) i am overweight, not obese...but pretty damn close.. im 5'7" and 190 lbs. i DONT look fat...but its there, i mean who wanted to lose a couple lbs here and there, but Doc Chu says i need to lose 40 lbs...as crash said "thats BIGGEST LOSER Weight" i believe it. thats alot of weight, wtf am i gonna look like at 150...im not a very big person am i just gonna be a bean-pole? serriously?!?! well with that out the way, im choosing not to drink any more at the clubs. yea makes no sense...a dj, frequent club goer...WITH NO ALCOHOL...well ive been doing it and its pretty fun, and when i do start drinkin again...i'll be a cheap date!
so yea no more drinkin. the group (www.rulesofentertainment.com) is doing well, im doing a complete overhaul of the group, we're moving up and on...and if some of the group isnt ready for it....sorry guys im leaving ya'll on the 1st floor.
lots of stories...lots of changes in all of OUR lives, yes OURS....right now many things are changing and although some seem like they are hard changes to swallow. eventually, they will be all for the good. "when one window closes, somewhere several doors will open."
now i end with my top 10 pet peeve/interesting facts:
1. I hate hate hate, douche bags...tight, sparkley shirt wearing, ed hardy sporting, spikey hair/mohawk'd, metrosexual, half-bandana wearing, straight legged jeans, cowboy-boot-wearing, MAN-scara wearing, eye-brow pluckin, fake tan sportin, tripple collar popped up wearin...homos...sorry no offense to gay people...but douche bags are fags...
2. Im really hating the "bigger" DJs in the industry. without saying names....but there are a lot of weak ass sucka DJs out there. it just shows that it really is WHO you kno and not what you kno. be a master of your craft...learn ALL aspects of it. as i did. a lot of these wack DJs, dont/cant mix, have poor song selection, but get more gigs than some of thes BETTER and MORE TALENTED DJs i know. im just saying hey guys...we need to take over its our time now...but i do respect alot of the big talents and hustlas out there shouts to: Mind Motion, Erock, Willsey Wood, Franzen, Infamouz DJs, HellaMiles, 600 inc, hostyle, fingerbangers, Prolific, Anit, Skooter, Don Lynch, Jazzy Jim, J-Styles, Ajaxx, Tera from Siagon, J. Espinosa and many many more!
3. Diabetes sucks...donate...find a cure for my sake!!!
4. I hate the fact of being away from my best friend, let alone being across the country from her, but because of her...ive gotten to travel to hawaii, San Deigo (Whales Vagina), and now Jacksonville, Florida....aside from going there, i plan to go to Disneyworld for the first time and also heading to Chicago next year....year of traveling...
5. What happened to on the job training? dude i can lean a job sooo fast, why do i still gotta go to skool, HIRE ME NOW...im can do it...come on how hard is it to look at X-Rays and take them (i have a feeling im going to regret saying this)
6. I hate the teenagers now...im prolly guessing that we were as annoying when we were their age...but shit! calm the fuck down!!!! im sick of these hood rat teens doin hood rat things with their hood rat friends....bad public transportation incident. HYPHY IS DEAD!
7. ......continued....HYPHY IS DEAD!! it was nice while it lasted...but if i gotta hear another nigga on the whos conversational skills include "you kno what im saying, real talk...real talk" or endin every sentance with "you feel me" NIGGAZ u AINT E40...ya'll aint rappers...and ya'll are from the burbs! calm the fuck down with that. yea that shit was cool for like a year...and ya'll complain that the bay aint gettin recognized...cuz ya'll are buncha ignorant muthafuckas...step that game up...shit died hella fast, cuz ya'll cant adapt. and whys everyone of ya'll wanna be rappers! who are the biggest rap stars...niggas thats been doing it for YEARS...so dont think, cuz i dont buy your cd, im not helping the industry from producin SHIT!
8. work sucks
9. COLLEEGGEEE!!!
10. AND YOUR MOM GOES TO COLLEGE
-CMC
i prolly wont write in here this much. but...theres a possiblity, i might keep thing updated.
lookin at my calender i notice its only tuesday, the begining of my work week.....fuck....
only tuesday??? well its all good, two more days and yet another weekend of sleepless nights, driving to the city...DJing. not that this last weekend wasnt fuckin awesome as shit!
so heres some updates on me. im back to my diabetic diet...cuz i am...diabetic. for all ya'll who didnt know, i have been for about maybe like 3-4 years...i just recently wasnt takin care of myself. now in fear of DYING! im back on it. Doc Chu says, "your body is producing enough insullin, but...because you are overweight...its not as affective." in a roundabout way, this nigga called me a fat ass. well you all maybe thinking, "what no christian, you arent even fat" well according to the BMI (body mass index) i am overweight, not obese...but pretty damn close.. im 5'7" and 190 lbs. i DONT look fat...but its there, i mean who wanted to lose a couple lbs here and there, but Doc Chu says i need to lose 40 lbs...as crash said "thats BIGGEST LOSER Weight" i believe it. thats alot of weight, wtf am i gonna look like at 150...im not a very big person am i just gonna be a bean-pole? serriously?!?! well with that out the way, im choosing not to drink any more at the clubs. yea makes no sense...a dj, frequent club goer...WITH NO ALCOHOL...well ive been doing it and its pretty fun, and when i do start drinkin again...i'll be a cheap date!
so yea no more drinkin. the group (www.rulesofentertainment.com) is doing well, im doing a complete overhaul of the group, we're moving up and on...and if some of the group isnt ready for it....sorry guys im leaving ya'll on the 1st floor.
lots of stories...lots of changes in all of OUR lives, yes OURS....right now many things are changing and although some seem like they are hard changes to swallow. eventually, they will be all for the good. "when one window closes, somewhere several doors will open."
now i end with my top 10 pet peeve/interesting facts:
1. I hate hate hate, douche bags...tight, sparkley shirt wearing, ed hardy sporting, spikey hair/mohawk'd, metrosexual, half-bandana wearing, straight legged jeans, cowboy-boot-wearing, MAN-scara wearing, eye-brow pluckin, fake tan sportin, tripple collar popped up wearin...homos...sorry no offense to gay people...but douche bags are fags...
2. Im really hating the "bigger" DJs in the industry. without saying names....but there are a lot of weak ass sucka DJs out there. it just shows that it really is WHO you kno and not what you kno. be a master of your craft...learn ALL aspects of it. as i did. a lot of these wack DJs, dont/cant mix, have poor song selection, but get more gigs than some of thes BETTER and MORE TALENTED DJs i know. im just saying hey guys...we need to take over its our time now...but i do respect alot of the big talents and hustlas out there shouts to: Mind Motion, Erock, Willsey Wood, Franzen, Infamouz DJs, HellaMiles, 600 inc, hostyle, fingerbangers, Prolific, Anit, Skooter, Don Lynch, Jazzy Jim, J-Styles, Ajaxx, Tera from Siagon, J. Espinosa and many many more!
3. Diabetes sucks...donate...find a cure for my sake!!!
4. I hate the fact of being away from my best friend, let alone being across the country from her, but because of her...ive gotten to travel to hawaii, San Deigo (Whales Vagina), and now Jacksonville, Florida....aside from going there, i plan to go to Disneyworld for the first time and also heading to Chicago next year....year of traveling...
5. What happened to on the job training? dude i can lean a job sooo fast, why do i still gotta go to skool, HIRE ME NOW...im can do it...come on how hard is it to look at X-Rays and take them (i have a feeling im going to regret saying this)
6. I hate the teenagers now...im prolly guessing that we were as annoying when we were their age...but shit! calm the fuck down!!!! im sick of these hood rat teens doin hood rat things with their hood rat friends....bad public transportation incident. HYPHY IS DEAD!
7. ......continued....HYPHY IS DEAD!! it was nice while it lasted...but if i gotta hear another nigga on the whos conversational skills include "you kno what im saying, real talk...real talk" or endin every sentance with "you feel me" NIGGAZ u AINT E40...ya'll aint rappers...and ya'll are from the burbs! calm the fuck down with that. yea that shit was cool for like a year...and ya'll complain that the bay aint gettin recognized...cuz ya'll are buncha ignorant muthafuckas...step that game up...shit died hella fast, cuz ya'll cant adapt. and whys everyone of ya'll wanna be rappers! who are the biggest rap stars...niggas thats been doing it for YEARS...so dont think, cuz i dont buy your cd, im not helping the industry from producin SHIT!
8. work sucks
9. COLLEEGGEEE!!!
10. AND YOUR MOM GOES TO COLLEGE
-CMC
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