helllo friends long time no talk...
well its been a hellish few months since i last blogged...actually i think its almost been a year? yes we'll just call it a year. anywho, a lot. A SHITLOAD, if you will, has gone on since. i dont care to bother all of you with the minor detail of the last 12 or so months. if you know me personally, then you would know the issues...
all i can say is that, its been crazy; and crazy does not do it justice. if i were a better vocabularist, i'd prolly use something like, uhh, incongrous or even preposterous. its gonna be hard to dance around telling stories of my life without touching a little on the situations of the last year. so as it comes up, i'll try my best to give a synopsis of the backstory, but as you all know, i like to talk a lot and often dominate the conversation. i digress...
soo, ive been thinking about what has happened, good or bad, it was an experience. although my mind wants me strongly to just ctrl/alt/delete the last few months and just start over, clean slate, i think i needed this all. its all like a reality shoulder check. kind of like when you were a kid, you believed in the toothfairy, Easter Bunny, Santa Clause, Thanksgiving ToFurkey...then you grew up and realized they were all fake. yea it hits you kinda like that. back to my main point, this was all an experience AND compared to some my friends, my experiences get me through certain situations where i find my friends struggling. i often get frustrated because i say to myself "if they would just do this...and that...blah blah...they'll be in a better situation". i gotta remind myself that maybe they havent delt with this before, they havent had this experience. i might have and however i delt with it, might not work for them. the same goes for the opposite, when my friends try to help me with something i struggle with, it maybe easy for them because they've had their own experience. i gotta keep my mind open like that.
so you can see why im bat-shit-crazy. i got tons to think about, like chess, im always trying to think my next move, consequences, weighting my options...all that shit! in my life, i suppose simply ctl/alt/deleting a situtations, really wont be in my benefit. i was watching Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind...i dunno if i got that title right, but if you havent seen it, its a story about trying to forget an ex, by deleting them from your mind. as the Carl Thomas song states "i wish i never met her", that statement holds completely true, well to me in my circumstance, BUT without this chance encounter...a whole bunch of other things might have not happened. for how much i want to delete that faithful day, i still wouldnt give it up.
not that im still in love with her, nor am i trying to hold on in hopes, but she gave me an experience. some lesson to learn, something that im prolly still learning right now, the lesson aint over. i just want to walk away with a better mind and insight and better decsion making skills. so thank you, im not being a dick and being all sarcastic with that 'thank you'. its sincere and really thank you, you showed me what i REALLY want in life. no resentment, im just lookin to move on.
with-that all said, the past is past, the present is here, the future is still yet to be written. im inspired to jump back on this blog and write because of my best friend, Abi. her blog is dope awesome and this rant i just went off will not hold a candle to hers, but imma try! i know i can do one thing better than her in the bloggin world....VLOGGIN! *challenge* i'll try to start posting vlogs cuz i do those better than these.
so no need to hard-reset my life, ctl/atl/delete is strictly reserved for your computer, when you have been looking at too much porn and all the pop-ups flood your screen. if it seems like a mistake, it prolly was, but live the experience. breathe it, feel it, submerge yourself in it. if you trust yourself, you'll make it out alive, but alway make sHure you lear from it.
...we could of had it all... (i like Adele's original version, but i John Legend does a great job on this cover)
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